All Comments on 'A New Valentine'

by jadeQ

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  • 10 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
edit

Use an editor... it will help.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Awesome!!!

Great story!! Is there more to "cum"???

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
W.T.F.

A little silly.

don87654don87654about 16 years ago
Valentines are natural....

How much more fucking before these two guys become permanent valentines?

Joseph KingJoseph Kingabout 16 years ago
Confused.

It was quite quick into the sex. He delivered the flowers and then was pulling her dressing gown open? I'm quite new at this but have been reading some advice... The characters should have a reason for having sex.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Fun read

It was a light story and fun to read. I thought the action proceeded believably for the kind of story that it is.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Hard to follow - needs proof reading

The basic premise is a good one, but needed to be proofed and edited better. Also, the ending was too forced. Hope you try again.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Get a theme and learn to make a story flow.

It is erratic and jumpy. No real development. The wife is as much of a slut as the woman who is with her husband. Why do such people even get married?

26thNC26thNCover 4 years ago
You

You had a decent start and a good finish , but the middle ruined it.

Anonymous
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