All Comments on 'Cousin Lovin'

Wham, bam. No build up. No foreplay.

"Hi cuz. Let's fuck. I came. Did you?"

Break up...drunk...talking to cousin...getting fucked. BOOM. Crap. On top of some writing lessons, get some editing lessons. You switched from past tense to present tense to past again. Really bad writing on what could have been a good story.

Step cousin? Doesn't even sound like they're actually related! If they are related, you should have explained how. (Step) Kids along for the ride from earlier relationships that aren't flesh and blood related kind of loses the taboo of incest. You could have just dropped the step-cousin part and put this in a more appropiate catagory.

I normally let the grammar issues pass and get really annoyed with people who point out the mistakes...normally. There were far too many to simply pass over as "mistakes" and read on. I couldn't even finish the story because of the changes from past tense, to present tense...I didn't even get to the place where it switched back because the step-cousin was practically in the guy's pants before the guy could get in the door. It seemed as if the guy parked the car, walked half a block (bad parking situation?), she saw him, ran up to him, grabbed him, and dragged him inside, excused herself to take a shower, stripped down, and invited him to join her all in one motion! You will find that your stories and your characters seem to come to life when you give them life-like qualities. Tell us what they are experiencing, their thoughts, what they see, what they feel, what their reactions are. Describe the world around them a little, at least enough so that we can get a visual image of more than a hand on his crank or that she is wearing "a bra and panties"! Oh, and please mix in a comma or twenty, preferably where they belong, to make the sentence flow. Nobody likes to read a story that goes on and on and on with no pauses and no commas because commas show where one idea flows into another. If you don't put in commas your story tends to drag on and on and it is very difficult to understand where your sentence was going because you forget to tell people where the breaks are between one idea and the next and when you are referring to one thing and you want people to separate that idea from the previous one you should put in a comma so that your idea doesn't continue into the next idea and your reader doesn't get lost because they are being led in a totally different direction from where your first idea had been taking them. It is especially tough to deal with changes in tenses because your characters are walking down the street and then they took off all of their clothes. If they are walking and they took off all of their clothes that means that they had already taken off all of their clothes and are now walking naked. Past tense means that it has already happened in the past while present tense means that it is happening as you are describing it or as the reader is watching it. If you go from present tense to past tense then your characters are having a flashback to a point in time when they did something different and not the thing that they are continuing to do now because "they are walking" and "they walked" happened at two different times! There, I just demonstrated how difficult it is to read your story with no commas and changing tenses. Be glad that I didn't also point out the glaring misuse of words like "there". Please, use an editor next time. If you used one this time, then I guess that he or she just got tired of trying...sort of like I did. And for all of you anony-mice who still refuse to tell people who you are when you leave comments, you suck!