Story has potential but careless errors spoilt it. "freaktime" instead of "freezetime" being the worst. Proofread.
Just thinking Russ Baumann could use a female sidekick who perhaps gets turned on in a BIG WAY by all of Russ' adventures . Perhaps they could have adventures of their own together . Just a thought ZL00py
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English
Carelessness
Story has potential but careless errors spoilt it. "freaktime" instead of "freezetime" being the worst.
Proofread.
A sidekick??
Just thinking Russ Baumann could use
a female sidekick who perhaps gets turned
on in a BIG WAY by all of Russ'
adventures . Perhaps they could have
adventures of their own together .
Just a thought ZL00py
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to David's Remote, Reloaded Ch. 03 or
More submissions by Thorilla.