All Comments on 'Say My Name Ch. 06'

You're very talented no doubt, but just take a bit more time to read through your work before submitting so you're sure that everything makes sense, because honestly, you lost me with this chapter. Plus the submissions are so short and untidy its hard to follow. But you've got potential!

that bitch! she need a good ass kicking and hope that is Nynia who the one give it to her the minute she have that baby that is which I hope is not nicks or his boy adam.

You removed some of the prior comments, and that's too bad. Really, you have great potential, and everyone has to start somewhere. Learn to take the bad with the good - mine the constructive bits from the feedback and let the rest roll off your back. There's no shame in getting some help while you're working through the process and learning as you go.

Keep at it! And good luck to you :-)

You have great potential as a writer. This chapter was unfortunately too rushed and disconnected from the previous chapter. Your audience is behind you so try not to alienate them by rushing your stories and making your characters cartoonish.

Well, I admit that I do enjoy the story that you're crafting, but once again, the details that your story is lacking makes it less than a 5 for me. For example, at the end, what was it exactly that made Leslie see the error of her ways? Just because Nick said he'd rather die or was there a look in his eyes or was it his anguish? Was it his refusal to take her back? That one statement didn't seem like enough to persuade someone as hell-bent on revenge to stop. How did Leslie really feel about Nick? Was she there just because of the baby or was there something else? She says that her father would disown her if she didn't stay with Nick, but you insinuated that they were already divorced. So what did you mean by that statement? How would she stay with Nick? And those are just some of the questions raised by the very end of the story. There are so many more unanswered questions. For your next story, take the time to flesh it out and give us more details about what's going on and why. Also, it might help to have some way to differentiate between scenes, like a star or a line, something that helps clear up the confusion because I have a 'What?' moment every time you change the scene.

don't let others get to you, your a wonderful writer. At least your brave enough to write most people can't do that. keep going and can't wait to see the next series you come up with. Hopefully, you decide to do a sequel involving Nick's friend and another black woman, he sounds interesting especially his past.

This was too unrealistic. The woman is this vindictive bitch who says all those things and then one statement from him and she wants to fix it....it isn't believable. Who is she? Are they divorced? Why didn't he run after Nynia?

There are times in life that we must fight for the ones that we love!

This chapter was very hard to follow. I am sorry to be critical but you might want to think about revising it. But the others are great, really.

I just love it wish i had read It before Adam's though

I still have one chapter to go, but you MAJORLY messed up this story. It started out as a promising tale, but in the middle you started to make a mad dash for the end. You apparently had other fish to fry and just wanted to get through with this story.

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From the beginning this story was in need of a good Editor. You also needed to give your characters their own personalities, depth and their own speech pattern;

they all talked alike. The fifth chapter was the beginning of the end. At the end of Chapter 4 you say that Nynia was about to meet Nick's other woman. There was NO set up for this woman, you just threw her in the mix for drama, but all it became was a big hot mess. Then six months pasts ( SIX MONTHS!). Are you high? lol

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One minute the crazy woman is arguing with Adam, the next she's at Nick's. You need to take to heart the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism you get for this story because it seems you're ignoring it. My advice was be to remove this story and rework it WITH an Editor. You need to fill in some places, provide a better background for these characters and have it all make sense. I know this is an old story, but you might consider redoing it. It could be so much more than it is.

I agree with Anon who commented last.. whole heartedly

This shit is just ridiculous; it makes no sense: that girl is stupid to run away like that, and why do Nick talk about dying and shit. Also the ex is suddenly sorry? Really stupid shit

I totally agree. What the fuck did I just read?

that seemed way to easy, if she was in love with him it wouldn't have been that easy for her to believe he would have done her like that even if she had a bad past experience. And why wouldn't he go after her to try to explain?