All Comments on 'Want to Play Ch. 04'

We finally get to know more about them. This was a great chapter. Now we know a little bit more about their relationship besides the sex and him being dominant.He now has to make a decision about being a dad and family man. She is most definitely pregnant. I hope he doesn't panic since he has as of yet to tell her he loves her. Especially since he is not absolutely sure if he could completetly commit without being hurt again.

WCD

Well, I think you've finally hit the nail on the head. This chapter didn't feel rushed, even though it was short. It felt like enough substance, even though most of it was them telling other people that they loved each other, and you got to work in a cliff hanger. Good job. We know how they feel about each other (taking the feedback to heart), so now show us. It's easy to say I love you, and Adam loving Erica at the end was a nice touch, but show us how he loves her outside of the bedroom, because they're going to need that too if they're gonna make it through the baby drama. Keep up the good work, you're really starting to develop as a writer.

Like an onion this chapter gently peels away layers of who Adam is. You've really made good use of the side of Adam that becomes visible in the reflection of those he loves and trusts. I'd like to see a bit more bite to Erica. I love the fact that she is becoming more confident in who she is but I reckon a bit of firey Erica would Adam the world of good. Are you going to introduce his father? I loved the pace the unravelling of characters and the special moments with his grandparents and little Cece. Can't wait to read more.

Ive read all of your stories and I personally dont think that you need a editor, I just feel like you should re-read your stories a few times before you submit them. I know you want to get them out fast, but read it out loud to your self if that works too! :) This chapter was really great because you get a back story on adam and whatnot, so people feel drawn in to him and erica as well. Keep up the fantastic work, and just re-read what you write and you will be fine! :)

Well done keep up the good work

i really like this story

and there were a few mistakes but nothing to worry about really =]

though i think i must have missed something because all of a sudden they're admitting their love for each other and it hasn't really seemed to build up.

good storyline though

Great story and it appears that she maybe pregnant...wow. I hope that he is happy about it. Thanks

i voteed four but i wanna change it

and i take back what i said before cos i read it again and it does finally kinda make sense!

they are so cute!

I like your stories but this one is so rushed. We dont get to really experience that "getting to know each other" phase. Also what made them start to love each other? Its a lot that goes unanswered. The dialogue for Elizabeth is too advanced for a 2 year old.

I read the completed story and it was not good. There is so many writers out there who are writing this genre. Practice make perfect. It like watching a bad porn movie. I feel that the couple was trying to feel somthing for each other, There was no emotional pull with this story. It was about sex and how many positions "Erica" could assumed. The male in the story was boring. You also jump aroung to much, the story did not flow well. Next time when writing a another story; take your time and brain storm your ideas and than write a rough draft. Work with your character's.

The characters are sweet and in the mist of a wurle wind romance.

Haha knocked up but I bet it was worth it