by SEVERUSMAX
Dude, slow the bloody hell down. You aren't giving the reader enough time to catch up. There is no set up for the events and there are no pauses that allow for the reader to get an idea of what's going on. Spelling and grammar are decent, but otherwise, this needs a lot of work. Keep writing this story, but take my constructive criticism to heart.
In response to the previous comment...slow down? There's been three years between chapter 2 and chapter 3. I hope he continues this much faster. Ok,
I know what you mean. I was just being sarcastic. I couldn't resist.
Anyways, this story is quite interesting. I hope you continue.
I think he meant slow down the overall plot pacing, not the output of each chapter.....I do agree, needs to be more step up
Nice twist on an old tale...really enjoyed it...right size to read ´tween lunch and supper, and it kept my attention with the open jibes and jokes, thank for a jolly good ride...