Better Ending! Try rewriting some of your other stories also!
This is wimp british thing isnt it??... I mean it has to be cultural. How is it that in story after story where the author is from Europe or the UK these authors are totally devoid of any sign of masculinity and integrity?
This story fails on a number of levels. FIRST the Husband INITIAL reactions to finding out his wife fucked 3 men overnight -- not 1 -- is laughable and absurd. In fact he NEVER gets angry at all!!!!
SECOND... the husband never at ANY POINT in the story says what her whoring actions MEAN to HIM. Not a single word.
Go back and re-read HIS reactions on page 3... "avoiding
each other" or "walking around Muddle" (whtaever the fuck THAT means) is NOT reacting.
IMAGINE you are the Husband. First his wife LIES to him about "Just going to the bar for a minute". Then she DISAPPEARS for 18 hours!!!!!... and fucks 3 men in 1 night.
Suppose that 1st Guy KILLED her? raped her? tortured her? Drugged her and kidnapped her???
He spends over 18 hours out of his mind with worry and anguish and she decides to fuck not 1 but THREE men!!!
Amazingly when the cunt whore calls the next morning he says "come home?"
Excuse me while I vomit. THAT is it. This story is over.
Exploroing her sexuality is one thing -- never mind her STD risk which he SHOULD be worried about but is never discussed in the story-- but her actions that night showed how much she DEEPLY HATED her husband... and I mean HATE.
Once he said "Come home" and actually held her while SHE cried fake tears this wretched story moves into the MORONIC sphere.
Given the wifes actions and what they mean to HIM... something the story Never talks about... His lack of respond was a BIG green light to whore and still be married.
if you can disappear for 18 hours... fuck 3 men for $$$...
not even consider that your husband might be worried about you... and he says COME HOME... that pretty much says: "go ahead and be a whore..."
a truly awful story
This was well written, clever, better than the first time, and he dumped the wife. What more do you want?
Anyway, I loved the touch where he started calling her Gina, and refused to return to calling her Mary. Ha!
Of course, ending up with Cathy seems like a rather odd sort of thing to do, although the implication may be that using a hooker isn't so bad, as long as you know that you're with an escort. The story didn't say he planned on marrying her, or even that he was in love with her! LOL.
I would have given this a much higher score except for the very ending. What the hell is the deal with him ending up with Cathy? Is that a big fuck you to your readers? A bad attempt at humor? The story had been plausible up until that point and then you completely jumped the shark. No guy who has a wife turn into a whore is going to suddenly start going out with another whore. You don't even beging to try to explain it because any explanation would sound preposterous. And also, I would think for a wife who has also been a best friend since childhood and the mother of your children, the ties would be deep and there wouldn't be such a clean break at the end. Probably it wouldn't be a happy ending, but you don't just say goodbye to someone like that and never see them again, and the children factor plus still living in the same community would force you to keep interacting with them to some degree. It would have been interesting to explore that, too bad you didn't.
or not changed at the right spot. I will ask you this Britease, would you react the way this shit did? Can you think of one man who is sane that would? He has sex with her after she has been with three men. And after finding out she has continued to fuck around, his reaction is to just leave her. I am sorry but most would react violently. I do not advocate it but I have seen it. Prostitutes are disposable people in western society. They get killed and raped on a regular basis. Then there is STD's which the shit husband does not even factor into. His wife has unprotected sex with multiple partners and he makes love to her? Bullshit. And the ending. My wife is a whore so I will trade up to one that has been one for longer and helped introduce my wife to the business. Again Bullshit. What part of "No Way" don't you the author understand? And there is such a thing as bad publicity. Next time you decide to rewrite a story make it better not worse.
the overall plot line/story line has issues. No one typically has a better analysis than Harry VA. He is usually 99% on the issues [no matter who the author is]. Once again, this is a much better ending to a poor story but the husband inability to display any realistic feelings or behavior make the effort seem so plastic & unbelievable. Granted there is no doubt that this slut wife deserves to be "boiled in oil" and eliminated from the gene pool but as the author indicated, that is not his style. Better luck on the next one. John
Okay I would have preferred boiling oil, and a little more groveling, but this ending is much less scary than the first one, as you know I am easily frightened by "whorror" stories. Bad enough to end up with a slut/whore, even worse to stay with one.
Still not in love however. I thought hooking was legal in the UK, in which case it shouldn't have been an issue in the divorce. Maybe I'm wrong.
Still the problem was that she should have known her husband.
She deliberately threw away her marraige, did not propose an
open marraige and did not request a divorce. It is truly amazing to have a best friend who would betray you so completely! Thanks for all the hard work!
Firstly, your use of the language is exceptional. Secondly, this is the type of story I greatly enjoy therefore I rate this effort at 100. Yes, some of the plot is not perfect, but is your story. I would like to see an effort from Mary's POV. Being from the USA, I guess I should want her to get HIV or something similar, but she does not seem to be a total villian. Wimp that I must be, I would like to see them back together.
The fact that he didn't trust the wife, and even thought she might be sleeping around on him. He still had sex wth her. Now I personally don't know any women who are on the game. But they don't normally have husbands who they still love but still need sex from strangers as well. Also the last bit when the husband meets up with Cathy, well if that was was the case why not stick with Mary it's just swapping one hooker for another. Sorry Britease better ending but still the premise of the story isn't that good. Just a word to the prat who claimed all the stories on this site from British or European writers are wimp stories? Take a look at some of the American wimps, BAKERBOSS, mdp-2004, Just plain BOB many others I won't mention. They all claim to be American so stop with the British wimp thing. It's getting boring.
Love a writer that thinks about life and reality and understands that we all have to move on at one time or another. Your stories are great and I enjoy your work, also that you understand the true meaning of "getting it right".
If you you write for your readers, which you apparently do; you've learned to stick with the formula that pleases them. Cheating wife get's hers, hero husband moves on, no wimps allowed. Same basic story line, just try to come up with ways to make the middle part interesting, we already know how it starts and ends. Actually we know how the middle goes also (cheating, affair, whatever) but sometimes we like to get riled up thinking it's not going to go the way WE want. Case in point, you buckled and wrote a new ending to this story, ho hum.
wife and mother to prostitute. Normally it takes some real intervention in their lives or they have been cheating for a long time and just decide to cash in on it. The wife described here is a mental case. She needed, needs, medical help. Fortunately it isnt the exhusbands responsibility. Maybe once she acquires the disease that keeps on giving, HIV/AIDs while getting treatments doctors will get her to someone that can straighten out her mental state. Wont really matter then but at least she will know she isnt mentally right. Very few judges would allow a woman like this to have access to her children, she isnt a suitable role model and she exposes them to medical and physical risk they dont need. Ah well you tried. Remember the ole saw, you cant please all of the people all of the time so be happy pleasing some of the people sometime.
I enjoyed both versions of the story. I think you have a wonderful imagination and I can see you trying to have something of an "unexpected" ending each time. My fellow commenters are, of course, entitled to their opinions, but for me, I will be looking forward to your next story. Please count me among your fans.
ending,I am glad that you did not boil her in oil,because oil is too expensive.I enjoy your stories and if others do not then they can just fuck off!
Some glaring inconsistencies; but overall much more satisfiying. One question that you didn't answer...after he discovered his wife cheated on him with at least 3 other men, why didn't they either do counselling or divorcing? Furthermore, Tracy was in it like a dirty shirt. Suggesting plausible cover stories, offering to go look for her....it just seeemed to convienient for simple coincidence. Great story though. Thanks for writing.
what's better. she's still a whore with two little kids. the end of the other story was at least somewhat humorous. but erotic, shit what kind of taste do you have? besides all the other bad things we won't even talk about. disrepect , neglecting the kids, aids... it never ends here. I don't think any woman back in stoneage would have been so degenerated.
What kills a story is the speed of character transition being either too slow or too fast (usually). Mary after having a taste of whoring decides to go back when things settle down. In the previous version we have a reputable owner of a company suddenly accepting his wife as a whore despite all indications he hates it and becoming a whore house manager. All after hsving an one night with Cathy. There was No Way outcome with the first version (i.e., it became a happy cuckold story). This version is true to the No Way_X! conclusion that is this series's trademark. What I do not understand was the whole fake husband routine. Was he such a regular john that the hotel personnel thought they were married? Most high class hotels do not care who is hooking up with who as long as the woman does look like a street whore. Overall, a good story -keep writing!
but there is an old saying. Once a prostitute or a whore, always a prostitute or a whore. Either man or woman, they are addicted just like a junkie or alcholic. They might be cured and are always reforming because once they go back to their old ways, they are at the bottom of the barrell again and it would be like starting from scratch again.
The only whore in this story is the author who no matter how he tries can't tell a story all characters are idiots so is the author.
But not perfect. The storyline prevents if from being perfect.
The first one was kind of funny in an offbeat weird way. But becoming the manager of a escort service...? With your wife as the main attraction? Really, now. But it was so farfetched no one (I think?) could take it seriously.
This version reverts to the traditional reaction from the wronged husband but as others point out his "unreaction" to the agony she put him through, her instant conversion from faithful wife to prostitute, and, for me, his having unprotected sex with her after knowing she is still screwing men requires a 'suspension of disbelief' that I find tough to swallow.
But let me offer my sincere wish you continue to write. Thanks for sharing.
I love the style of your writing, clearly your forte IMO. In the spirit of your request (which I share with you) following are some suggestions.
1. I have found a similar picture of faux intimacy described by woman authors only in one particular situation. A cheating wife/ girlfriend is caught or confronted and at the first sign of her emotional distress the betrayed husband BF the angry partner turns into a loving nurturer. I have been through this with other authoress but in my experience (not personally – thank god) it just does not happen. Moreover –as readers have been responding (including my own personal response) the time one feels most betrayed and threatened as a man is not the time that partner would turn to take the role of consoling his cheating partner…Perhaps it projects the imagined emotional needs of a vulnerable anxious spouse who have just been caught. But it most likely would not happen To the contrary that in fact is the most dangerous time for violence even homicide and at the least the strongest verbal attacks. Literary wise repeating the fantasy of the consoling cheated partner is a sure looser for any writer I have seen so far…
2. As the husband’s response seemed more credible, the main problem I saw in the depiction of the wife’s character remained here. A mother of two young children turns hooker over a single night of loosing her inhibitions or acting out her fantasies – whatever… This premise is a ‘tough sale’ plot wise, even if she had been fantasizing or feeling jealousy for a while. We all know there is a big gap between fantasizing and acting out those fantasies. This should be reflected even when you depict fictitious characters. Sure, we know they are not real, but they need to seem to us as if they could POSSIBLY BE REAL How believable is it that even after her night of craziness she would turn to hooking, risking at least the most obvious - her custody over the children? Another improbability is the way she is ready to sacrifice life long of close relations with her husband – it can happen – but not without major disruptions in the relations which the story does not offer. For example –take a pick at thecelt’s latest consequences story. He also tells the story of a cheater who no one likes - but he gives us great insight to what goes on in her mind. It does not help us like her actions anymore, but it makes what she does credible. Even though thecelt’s story is told from the wife’s pov, the husband’s pov could provide more insight about the wife; even better, more dialogues could do the job famously well…And I have no doubt you can improve the motivation element in your stories. Thanks for writing and being open for feedback.
This story was much better, more believable. That said, the husband STILL comes across as a moron. She gets home, he HUGS her???? Come on. That guy's just a tool. He knows about her lies - and still lets her in his house, around his kids? I can't believe he didn't just punch her in the face, right before he literally kicked her out the door.
I love the multiple endings. And even though us 'boilers' speak out, this version was definitely "Above and Beyond" what your fans should expect. Thank you!
Have you considered a "Boil Her Alive" version? I'd certainly enjoy it. If not, I'll just watch for your next submission. They were both 'good reads'!
The stories are both interesting in their own way. Write as many endings as you want. The original marriage is over regardless of what is decided after the first night. What I found most intriguing was Cath's involvement. Cath found Mary, and we must presume, helped her to become Gina. Cath's supposed regard and affection for Tom apparently did not prevent her from helping out in the pimp department. Mary's attitude is a bit strange, but I suppose any wife in such a circumstance will blame anyone but themselves. Becoming a hooker hardly seems better than having a 'dirty' affair.
that sounds dumb and the story the same.it funny really,the men writers in england have no backbone as men.
Both stories are well written, but I liked the original better, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and not big on judging others.
the only end that makes sense, to me
A woman that admits she a whore and is really all woman is worth more than a shit for brains Mary
Now you got the ending right, the first ending was total crap, sorry about that, but it was. You're a really good & interesting writer, & not like that apparent stereotype "Brit" writer who seems to loved being cucked
Much better than the original ending, or boiling her in oil, for that matter. I gather that what Americans perceive as "wimpy" is what Brits regard as "good breeding". Cheerio, and stiff upper lip, what? Please keep posting!
Fine writing as usual but poor plot except that this ending is more realistic than earlier version.
60 year old George
You didn't have to, you know. Your stories always are good and stand on their own. But I definitely liked this version MUCH better. I am a "Boiled in oil" guy, but this was good enough for me. I am looking forward to more from you, especially the "No Way's". Season's greetings and Cheers. Oh yeah - and THANKS!
It didn't need to be this complex. He should have dumped her after she whored around on him the first time. Obviously her desire for other sex partners is more important than anything else in her life, her husband, her marriage, her kids. She made a very clear choice, in the presence of her husband, that she was going to screw around. That kind of thinking can't be fixed. Bye bye bitch,
Truth, as she later discussed, she had been intrigued and turned on my her girlfriends' encounters and was secretly curious. Meeting Cath open her up (with some booze to help) and she toyed (played with fire) intentionally and exciterdly to see if she could get a taker at the club. It was over, and then, he immediately had his hand on her botom...slut Mary was now in the open and toying, testing and experimenting and now we know, getting great fucling. Okay, I liked this second chapter, what she did at the club only pushed her fantasies to extreme and the cheating would begin. Problem, he always loved her, in every sense of the word and meaning. She originally loved him and still enjoyed the love and safety of a husband and home. Sadly, he really loved her, this is going to hyrt badly but a man has to be a man, not a wimp or cuckold! Glad you had him get a divorce, I would have walked into the lobby bar, yelled at her for all to hear, grabbed her by the haid and booed her ass so hard she would fall flying into the lounge for all to hear and see. No bruises. I would have punched the suitor and told him what I thought of a guy who screws anothers wife. Anyway, relieved and happy that you wrote this version. Do I think she stopped hooking...on a scale of 1-10, I'd think ... maybe..a 102. Good story, keep writing!
Thanks for a good read. Ifound this 2nd ending sad.
the second story was far better. I think Gina got what she deserved and there is no way she gave up selling herself. great story tho brit. keep up the great work.
Had to grit my teeth awhile 'til the end showed up. Just heard on NPR 12/5/10, that the surest thing British is bad sex. Oh, how that plays out in LW stories. The British turn out some imaginative erotica, but maybe that's a result of many poor marriage relationships. Lack of communication generates so many bad situations, doesn't it?
by law i would of stopped that slut seeing them kids ever.if my daughter would have been like her i would consider her dead
I admire the way you can invent and develop a story and I don't like to be discourteous to anyone who has these skills and publishes for my enjoyment. Nonetheless this might be an improvement but still doesn't work for me, Tearsofsorrow sums it fairly well, though a little rudely.
I thought the fact that her first experience involved three men was unnecessarily over the top, and would have been ample to finish the marriage there and then. As I said in regard to the first edition the humiliation element is not modified and remains a breaking point.
The reintroduction of Cath is a bit silly and not worthy of this author.
Keep them coming though!
I read some of the other comments and they pretty well sum it up. I think that you are trying to be realistic not in some never never land but you totally missed with this story unless this is the type of response that you are looking for. About the only thing that you did with this story is show that the Brits are total wimps and have no backbones and are total submissive to there wives. NOT YOU BEST EFFORT total waste of time
I READ IT AGAIN AND SHE STILL CUCKOLDED HIM I WOULD BATTERED HER CLIENT AND NO WAY WOULD A WHORE EVER SEE HER KIDS THAT IS ONLY PUNISHMENT TO HURT A WOMAN
i would have prefered him to put an add in the local newspaper. tell them its a practical joke and he is willing to pay for it. big picture of gina (mary) that says "local whore soon to be ex-wife willing to do anything for a price starts at 500 quib" on the front page. make it impossible to show her face in town period. she has to leave her parents, her kids and her friends. unless she was honest about stopping... which tbh with the story i just read i would doubt it. you write well but the story didnt call to me saying he got her back just as good as she got him. so can you really call that revenge?
Still didn't like it much though. Not big on boiling in oil, but still.
This story just kinda made me a bit upset. Wouldn't read it again
Although to be more in depth, I was hooked by the point that they had made love after her first night. The ending just completely ruined the story for me
...barely. By far, your worst story idea ever. Even the slightly better ending didn't help much.
Ironic that he ended up with Cath.
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