The set-up was good, the reader could like the characters, the villain was apparent, but the ending is just over the top. Please try again and moderate the ending, making it a bit longer with its own build up.
You have some serious issues, sir.
do your best to belittle everything about being married.
This is a very well writen story, and enjoyed reading it.I usually don't like sad endings, but sometimes just like in real life shit does happen. Thanks for the good story....Rich
A very well written story although not sure why it's in that category. It sounds more like erotic horror.
Wow, I don't think I'll be posting any stories in Loving Wives. This is a tough crowd. I thought the story was good. I don't understand some of their comments.
Happy New Year
Not, oh well, good day for football.
Leaves you emotionally drained. It does make it sound as Julie was the architect of the happening and everyone else was clay in her hands.
Frankly terrifying! I can understand the reaction of the colleague who thought it should be in the erotic Horror category!
On the other hand if I was going to put some stupid and useless label on the author based on the story, it would be
misogynist and not man hater!
Good idea, nip the story idea in the bud.
For those of you who missed it. In a society with laws, violence, even justifiable violence is not the answer. Our hero goes to jail for killing someone. A simple truth. You may not like the ending. We all want to see the hero succeed. But in this case as in all others, violence will get you jail time. And what of Julia? Is she innocent in all this? The sad truth is her decisions caused all the problems. I am not saying a woman should not seek a career. But just like the husband's career there has to be balance. A relationship is a 50/50 endeavor. Give and take and compromise. She gave ultimatums and destroyed her marriage. Instead of working with her husband towards her goals. She is the true villain in this piece. And like in life, sometimes the true villain gets away with everything. Some would say she lost her husband. I say her actions prove that was no loss to her. Husband goes to prison. She gets everything. If that makes you angry good! That should be your reaction. I thought this was a well thought out and finely written story.
Short & sweet - as stated, it would have been nice to read about some damage inflicted upon the wife. Liked it because it was the same old tired "wimp husband/slut wife" story with no consequences that seem to pervade on this site.
Gets out he should really find someone who respects him and will not be turned aside by sweet talk.
If you had to go to jail for one of them, why not two of them? The bitch and your wife. Now you will become someone's bitch in prison and that is no life at all.
A good story, but irritating because hero just snaps to and does whtever wife and neighbor tell him to. Can't he think for himself?
the Ct. Yankee
The neighbour is the victim, the wife is the observer, and the "emotional challenged" murderer/storyteller is the focus of the story.
It's a erotic horror story, not a loving-wife story
And you put this in Loving Wives because...?
01/01/09 by Anonymous in Canada
You have some serious issues, sir.
I might really ask who has issues? The wife is the one with issues, in the real world they are called problems. The husband was shoved down the road by two bitches, otherwise known as dogs in heat. I do understand the stupidity of ridding the world of the ruin everyone's life bitch next door in your own home with a witness. Cant say she didnt deserve revenge as the story is written but it is stupid to do it with a witness. The wife did not turn off her sex, you can be sure of that. She may be to tired but you have to wonder who she was doing what to that got her so tired. To immediately betray your husband, and it doesnt take sexual acts to betray a spouse, and begin a very vindictive life against your spouse means either she was very easily manipulated or a self centered egotistical bitch. Judging by the way he described her actions in the home and at the trial one could say she did all of this with intent to eliminate him from her life. It really would not have been hard to eliminate both of them at the same time. Car accidents do happen, robberies while away form home do happen, gas leak explosions do happen, it really is to easy to eliminate someone you dont want around. I also have to agree he was dominated by the two women, especially his wife. YOu do try to be agreeable but to let them run you over with a mack truck is a bit to much. It is a really easy thing once the scene started to sit down with your wife and say enough is enough. If you want to pursue this then the marriage is over, move out and get your own life. It takes guts and courage to act this way most people are to afraid to stand up for themseelves no matter how macho they think they are. He had already lost his loving wife, what more did he have to lose? In prison I would apply for a divorce. Let her finance her own life although it sounds like she already has a sponsor. That way with good behavior when you get out you can find a woman that really does love and respect you. People that listen to their friends rather than their spouse often already have one foot out the door.
She was a real loving wife before the change in her relationship. The way she treated the neighbor maybe belonged in the lesbian section. But how the husband was treated was from nonconsent. Actually as most see loving wives this belongs here. It is a marriage broken by the wife with the help of another and the husbands revenge. The attack on the neighbor is just revenge. It really doesnt have to be a cuck story to be in loving wives although to read some of the comments by the insecure, over sensitve, I want to be gay crowd, you might think all marriages should be with a unfaithful woman who has a big dick lover and forces the husband to eat her lovers cum from her pussy. Sorry you dont have to have mentally ill stories to be in loving wives!
Seriously, if he killed someone because he "saw red" what else could make him lose it? Julia didn't say anything about a divorce, so why assume she was going to, and why assume she was having an affair? There is nothing to indicate she was cheating on him. As well, hubby went from a blue collar worker to some I-don't-need-no-book-learnin hillbilly by the end, wtf is up with that? I'm just glad your story is done.
Yea, right, kill all those who wish to go -hold tight – to those community colleges! And worse - wife was so horrible as to suggest that he too get some education! That’s truly unforgivable, not to mention that it proves that she was a man hating lesbian…
Can't remember when I have last seen such an absurd homophobic premise for a story.
I'm more amazed by the comments than taken with the story. Don't get me wrong. I found the story visceral. With few words I picked up on the husband's increasing stress and isolation. I could truly see him, in the heat of passion, knocking the lights out of Prentiss when she began laughing and sealed her fate when she said Julia "would finally see how I was holding her back". I think this is great and I think it's quite an accomplishment to make me imagine so much with so few words. I count less 1,250 words and I wondered if you intentionally set your limit low to make this a challenge for yourself.
What I'm more amazed by, though, are comments about everything from "you're a man hater" to "murder is wrong" to "errotic horror" to taking the side of a character and suggesting the other character is just wrong and how could you say this. Well, you done good, kid. Nice work.
Apparently many missed the fact that when a story is told from one persons perspective, facts and events are seen from that perspective. Imagine that! Good job.
The descriptions of Julia during the trial don't make sense; could be me the reader not fully appreciating the story. However, what motivated her smiles?
and in moving they crush. TK U MLJ LV NV
you should have killed both of them
you stopped short of finishing. TK U MLJ LV NV
Short, descriptive, detailed and, fron to back, complete as a story goes.
Just made me feel like reading it over and over and wishing you had more shorties like this one.
Thanks and...get back to writing, liked your style!!!!
Poor dude. Hubby is eating well and fucking fine. Then his Sweetie makes a decision to improve her mind and expand her horizons (No! no suggestion of strange dicks) and it inconveniences Hubby. Then Hubby accepts the challenge to expand HIS horizons and he screws it up, so he HAS to kill the woman who suggested they learn more! REALLY crappy premise!
BTW - Guys on Death Row (especially those who has killed in anger with their bare hands) don't get corn-holed! Single cells and isolated from general population!
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