All Comments on 'Pleasure of Giving'

Not bad dude. I enjoyed it.

Please stop starting your sentences with a gerund. The rule when using gerunds, less is more.

Raising, climbing, leaving, walking, sitting, pushing, listening, standing, kneeling, panting, opening, and closing.

Twelve of your sentences start with gerunds. Read the rule, rewrite your story, and resubmit it. You'll thank me for making you a much improved writer. If it's any consolation, I enjoyed your story better than many of the others.

~ Imp (Alessia Brio)

You say it's Valentines day. But then describe the day as a hot summer day. Valentines is in February, not exactly summer the last time I checked.

Nice, hot, compact story. Good luck in the contest!

As to the last commenter, unless the world has become flat since I last looked, there are multiple hemispheres. When it's winter in the north, it's summer in the south.

A great story. I really enjoyed it.

Thinking about her on the machine made me laugh. I like laughing. Good luck in the contest.

DG Hear

When you mentioned the Sybian, I couldn't help but remember Carmen Elektra and Pam Anderson riding the Sybian for Howard Sterns.

Hot story.

Good luck in the contest.

you really get into the head of your characters,you drew me instantly by the way you set the scene, i couldn't stop ready.

amazing story!!!!

Very exciting ..... now where can I buy one?!!

This was a really hot story, probably the hottest one I have read yet. Don't worry about the gerunds, but it could have used better editing and proofing. Don't worry about that, though, because it was hot enough to make up for it. Good luck in the contest, if you need it.

That was excellent! I love the details you provided for my visions. Thank you ...