All Comments on 'Target Parking Section B'

I'm not sure what to make of it. It certainly trundles along. It reads like it should be read aloud, maybe amusing the children in the back seat, which is no insult. It has the clatter of children's chatter. Maybe you've been around children too long? ;-) bb

and loved it. Perfect as presented. Excellent word choices.

hey it does sound kind of like a jump-rope rhyme! And yes, I did write parts of it in my head with a van full of little boys...at some point I will write a serious one about what I saw. It looked so cool, the mother bird perched on the grill of a jeep, eating the squished bugs. Those grackles sure are agile.

....except I LOVE THIS, from the first lines to the last it's a rollicking read. It should be an audio. Food for thought, anna?

Tess

in (mostly) consistent meter. "Away! Away!" though could only be pronounced "AH way AH way" if it was the Latin <i>Ave</i>, welcoming whomever. Also, the last line is only three syllables.<p>

Hey. I'm quibbling. A wonderful poem that way more than satisfies the requirements. Clever and funny.

I noticed that inconsistency, but decided to leave it as is, thinking it did not detract from the poem. I am going to fix it. Easy as changing it to Go now foul fowl! hehe

other than that I just wanted to comment because everyone else did.

I think I would find writing detailed comment on this poem (written by a poet who has dashed off some of the most poignant, most painful, even funniest poetry I have ever read in my life) pointless. It would be like commenting to Van Gogh on the can of semi-gloss he knocked over in his garage.