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The Redhead

bycrisscross2037©
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Comments (171)
by Anonymous

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by rooster105/17/09

Right until he wimped out

then lost credibility. No way can you trust a woman like that who had to have taken steps to prevent having her husbands children so she could have her lovers instead. Plus she deliberately went to the BBQ without her husband so she could show of her lover publicly thus humiliating her husband.

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by Tail End Pete05/17/09

What about the kids?

When are people going to figure out it isn't all about them anymore. That stopped when they became "adults". It is all about the kids now and then later the grandkids. They come first. He did what he had to do and no man stands taller than when he stoops to help a child. Screw that wimp shit. He was dealing with two self-absorbed assholes, but the kids come first. Get it? Tail End Pete

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Good but

What happened to Candy & her kids

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by Vulcan_in_Ohio05/17/09

Maybe I'll be the first to comment on this one.

This is not bad for a first effort. The writing could use a bit of editing to catch the spelling and grammatical errors. There was unnecessary repetition in parts of the story and in other parts, there could have been more of an explanation. There is some lack of credibility in the story; surely this couple would have needed counseling to smooth out the "bumps" along the way. There were also some inaccuracies. I'm not an attorney and I'm certainly no expert, but I've looked at recent court cases for Ohio (where I live) as well as other nearby states, like Michigan, and there are mixed legal decisions regarding the obligation of a former husband to pay for children not biologically his. The gist of it is that the court usually places the child's interest above that of the adult's interest. In this story, there were two children at the time of the divorce, a 5 and a 10 year old, and neither was Jim's biological child but each grew up believing him to be their father, having him tuck them into bed, baby sit them, love them, and as humiliating as it may be, they are his through bonding and other psychological mechanisms. Telling them he is not their father would be devastating to them. The courts would probably make him pay for their support even though another man's sperm created them. He would of course also need to pay alimony -- it seems his wife made less money than he did. The courts don't punish an adulterous wife -- most states now have no fault divorce -- so Jim would be the one suffering on many fronts. Of course, by telling Willis' wife (Candy) about the long-term affair, Jim practically guaranteed Candy would divorce Willis and she could really take him to the cleaners. The reconciliation between Jim and Janet would be difficult, although not impossible. Jim was betrayed in the deepest sense; he wasted more than 10 years believing he was living the American dream, only to find out he was betrayed by the one he loved and trusted. Now it would be nice to read about part two, where Jim establishes an alibi while arranging for Willis to be neutered . . . Please keep writing.

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by tamurlain05/17/09

Just not believable

Sorry, but this just wasn't believable for me and, after some thought, I think the problem is that you didn't create any sort of initial loving relationship between husband and wife. It appears she never loved him - so why did they marry, surely she'd heard of birth control? There is no mention of any courtship, any romance, so why WOULD she marry him, or he her?
Also, they appear to jog along together for several years and then - kazaam - suddenly she's treating him as though he's totally worthless. Wouldn't this lack of respect have shown up before then? Even if not, you show how little she thinks of her husband and the marriage, but then suggest that she wants to keep it all enough to give up what she seemed previously to cherish more. That's totally inconsistent with the character you'd previously given her.
And what's in it for him? You indicate a lack of feeling for the children and you show little indication that he actually loves his wife. Why, then, would he want to stay? The lure of having fathered one child (out of 3) to this harpy surely wouldn't be enough to bring him back into such a sterile marriage, particularly given the total lack of any evident affection throughout the story!
That said, you drew me in enough to WANT your story to succeed. The basis of the plot and your descriptive writing were fine, it was just that the two main protagonists were a little one-dimensional, I felt. I do hope you will continue writing, and that, in the spirit that they are meant, you find these comments constructive.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Most of story was O.K.

But nobody would take her back or act this way. Husband would never act that way. Ask your husband for some input cause with the contempt and disrespect shown him ,no one would get past that. Please try again. thanks.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Wow dont know who is the dumbest in the story

The wife is a braindead good for nothing tramp. Vulcan is right in some respects. Some states would require the husband to take care of the wife and kids, other states however are civilized and require the biological father to care for the children. Almost all states would have the bio-father have to pay back child support for the kids and believe it or not that can be a lot of money. You have to consider all medical care and insurance, housing, food, clothing, incidentals, and associated cost. This could very easily get into the hundreds of thousands depending on the kids ages. The way you eliminate all of the child care cost and alimony if you are not the father is to move out of state and give up your job and become a for cash worker. Once you have done this a year or two it is easy enough to have the courts overturn the divorce ruling. Of course you can get a job in another country. Then again you dont have to pay alimony on deceased spouses. Wow take the bitch back and wait for her next round of betrayal. You can forgive, if you want to, but you can never forget. Her scenes and what she said would ruin any hope of me ever speaking to her again. She is, was pure trash. The only innocent party in this story is Candy and her kids. People like Willis are not men they are overgrown little boys with no concept of reality, trust, or love. They just fuck because they are not capable of thinking higher.

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by hawkeye00705/17/09

no fucking way!

No fucking way! Nuff' said...

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Tail end Pete lost it. The kids matter, they need

their parents. Lest see, the mother is a slut that fucks around. The father is a useless player with not self respect and no feeling for any of his children. Oh I get it foster the little bastards off on someone else to raise as his own. I do think that is called adoption and I am sure there were state agencies that would do that for him. Sorry Pete he is a wimp for going back and taking more from a real work of art. Leave the kids with their mother and move on. Move on! There father has no interest in taking care of the kids. A party could be held and dear ole Willis fed his own Rocky Mountain Oysters. Then again there is the old Texas custom of cut and shoot.

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by toesman05/17/09

Good beginning

But then it trailed off into mediocrity - at best - I mean the man is as your ending stated just a balless {well maybe not literally} wimp. He could have a life w/ the daughter, w/out taking back the slutty scum ex-wife. But that's even not even really the point. Some betrayals are just unforgiveable, & deliberately having another man's children one after another, & then shoving his face in it is that level of betrayal. She should have been kicked to curb, and never spoken to again, for any reasons whatsoever.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Who are these morons..

who talk of wives as possessions while revelling in stories about husbands keen to put their dicks in anyhing with a pulse?

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by fregen05/17/09

Total Lack of Respect

Notice the lack of respect Janet has for Jim and continues to have until she is left with no options.

She continues to screw Willis even after getting married and has no intentions of ever stopping. She decides to have Willis' children, not Jim's. She probably arranged to have Willis transfer to her company so she could continue to screw him on a more regular basis. She has a blatant affair that even her coworkers are aware of. She has the gall to tell Jim she is going out on a date and that he needs to babysit her lover's children.

Jim, why do you want to be with this woman? She holds you in utter contempt. You were a meal ticket. She never loved you. She certainly never respected you. Whatever she says now is immaterial. Her actions when she thought she had choices spoke much louder. She always wanted Willis more than you. Now, only after it has all crashed, is she "waiting for the best man she knew".

Is Jim liable for child support? Maybe. But then there is nothing stopping him for counter suing Jim for that money.

Gotta knock you one on believablity but keep writing. Thanks for sharing.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Starting characters -- Ending characters

This story fails because the author failed to support the final premise of the story. The author decided that the couple would reconcile and therefore the husband would take the wife back and all would be forgiven. The fact is that the author changed the personality of both the husband and wife at the end of the story. The ending characters bore no resemblence to the starting characters.

The way the story would have ended based upon the starting characters (and also in real-life) is that the husband would have paid partially for all three children. He would have continued to raise all three children as a divorced father would have. He would have stayed in the children's lives, but there would have been to no remarriage to his cheating wife.

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by Harddaysknight05/17/09

We all know the formula.

There are only a couple options in the old "wife has kids by another man" story. Get revenge or accept it, or perhaps a slight variation. My favorite line was :

"don't want a wife who gets bred by some other asshole,"

All us husbands need to insist that we be the asshole that breeds our wife... and not let it be done by some other asshole!

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by sherlock4005/17/09

Sorry, I have to agree with some of the others

It started very well and ended poorly. She "lost her way?" No she didn't; she deliberately went out of her way to betray the husband. Why do authors blame a man's ego for not reconciling with someone who stabs you in the back? If you had a business partner and they betrayed the company you both owned, would you ever do business with him again?
Your writing skills are good and you convey your story well. I hope to see more of your work soon. Don't let us assholes get you down, just keep writing.

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by Matt Moreau05/17/09

Terrific

C,

Great story. The anonymatii are going ot crucify you, but what the heck. You can tell a story.

Matt Moreau

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by hobojoe105/17/09

I think you did the right thing

I think you did the right thing. I was the other man. They had 4 kids. He was military and the service was more important than his family at the time. I filled the void, for a year and half. She had mine son. I knew my son for 8 months before I had to go to Viet Nam. After they divorced and remarried he raised my son. I have only seen a couple pictures. He an actor, not famous, but I have found a few pictures.
I think he(her husband) is a much better man than I will ever be. She just turned 70 and they will be married 50 years soon.
I still miss her and knowing my son but will never do anything to mess up there life's.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

You're not a wimp, crisscross....

You're a total NANCY BOY DIPSHIT FAGGOT. The only appropriate ending would have been to have the whore wife choked to death on fresh dogshit then chop her body up into little tiny pieces and then feed the pieces to you!!
You need to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh and concentrate on your burger flipping at Micky D's.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Shit happens

I did about the same thing as this husband and did keep my family together but the downside is that I think about her cheating every day, sometimes casually and sometimes completely too harshly

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by Anonymous05/17/09

good writing,but the plot sucks

you acted a fool,was a fool and sound like a fool.the only good person in this story was the lover wife.balfoon of a hubby was so rightous and cool it sucked.common sense was a missing part of balfoon of the husband.balfoon of a hubby give men a bad name.go out wife and whore and slut yourself out and have babies by other men,then we take them and raise them for you.get real or come off whatever drugs you on.12yrs.of deceit and you can trust her,giving another man babies and not you her hubby.any man around the hubby that new what happen would have no respect for him.his wife didn't have any respect for him.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Good For You!

you are correct --EVERYONE deserves a second chance -!

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Its the authors choice...

To tell the story. Having read this storyline before I have given this subject a great deal of thought but more this time. Guess the story worked huh? Someone elses kids. Tough one when it happened while you were married. I have two step kids but I knew going in. After 10 years would you love them less. Dont think so but the constant reminder... Could I have stayed with her, probibly not but leave the kids? A real problem. Anyway. Its the authors story to tell. Thats the way she took it. Whether I like it or not is not the point, I thought about it. Good job

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by Anonymous05/17/09

This story was okay.

I have one question for all those, probably mostly men, who won't accept bringing up another mans child. Say, for example, your wife and you can't have kids the natural way, and you have to go to a sperm bank or use artifical semination or you adopt a kid. That kid most likely won't EVER be yours, most likely he or she will NEVER look anything like you. People will know that that kid is not yours. BUT if this was the only possible way you could take care of a kid would you? Could you take care of 'your' kid even if you knew that he or she wasn't yours? my guess is yes you probably would. Afterall foster parents do it all the time. When a couple adopt a kid they know he or she isn't theres. Does that stop them lovign that kid anymore or less? no it doesn't. The only issue in this story is that the wife was a slut from the get go of their marriage and she continued to be a slut throughout the marriage. I personally would never get married again to such a woman and the husband seen in certain eyes is a wimp. BUT not as far as the kids are concerned. They have a father and mother who love them. Some kids don't have that. Would I ever do what this husband did? I have to be honest I don't know and untill it happens to me I will not know the answer. As for the writing? I thought it was very good. It's always hard writing in the LW section as many people will already testify.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

I Had some issues

I liked most of the story but did not agree with the ending. I could see it happening but not in the context of the rest of the story. I think the ending would need more development in the story to make it believable. I will look for you next one and thanks for this.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Very good

I appreciate this story. Not only did it fit the category, but it showed the wide range of human emotions, from the righteous indignation, to the granting of mercy. I love how the characters were presented through to the ending. You showed us the weaknesses and triumphs of both "Candy" and "Janet". I would like to think that the audaciousness of the character was a bit over played, but in today's standards, I don't think it is.

I love the swing of emotions you displayed with "Jim". His character is very believable! I can almost see the "haunting" from seeing Janet's (and his) youngest child. Cool!

The display of what I cal "lessons learned" at the end of this story has earned it one of the few "5 stars" I give, Ultimately Jim is the hero. He has three children that will go through life thinking "he's my father" or at least "he's the man".

I am of the firm belief that being a man is not always standing up for ourselves, but rather choosing a cause bigger than one's self. That "being a wimp" is giving into the "easiest" path. It's succumbing to "pier pressure" for the sake of image, and allowing any / everyone else's opinion of what is right guide us. There is ONE that should have that position, and He showed us a better way. And hey, I'm still a sucker of a happy (and believable) ending! Thank you! Orater1@yahoo.com

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by SneakyP8605/17/09

Very good story with a very nice ending.

I thought the story overall was very good and showed the wide range of emotions that one feels when cheated upon. I have no problem with him returning to his children and yes they are his children as he has raised them.

What I have a problem with is some of the comments. The idea that what he was faced with is somehow the same as if they had adopted or had to undergo artificial insemination is just ludicrous. In those situations you had a choice in the decision making process. But in this one he was taken out of that process and was deceived and lied to the entire time.

Those who made those comments must never have had to deal with the fact that the one person in this world that is supposed to be on your side (your port in a storm)and shelter you from harm. Has in reality hurt you worse than your own worst enemy could ever hurt you and thought you so stupid that they could deceive you in such a way. How easy do you think it would be to be able to look at those chidren and not see what his wife and her lover had done.

I have no problem with the granting of forgiveness and mercy on the wife. I hope that in time that I might be able to do what he did for the good of all.

Author I look forward to more of your stories.

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by Orion62305/17/09

Plot Problems

In the first paragraph the author tells us that both Jim and Janet have brown hair. Only at the B-B-Q are we told that both children have red hair and freckles. The author avoids relating whether there is any family history on either side of red hair and freckles. Wouldn't any husband have a question if he looked at his kids and saw that there wasn't any similarity to either he or his wife? Crisscross2037 is remiss in choosing to not explain how something so obvious would go unnoticed by the husband. It was also troubling that the husband would be so willing to discard the children he helped raise without any feelings of guilt or remorse. There seemed to be no emotional connection between Jim and his kids.Jim went to Candy to tell her about her husband's activities which is understandable. The divorce is also understandable. But the reconciliation is less so because it seemed to be based solely on the baby having brown hair. The ending totally ignores the wife's history of lies, adultery, and the loss of trust in the marriage. In short, the ending was a bit rushed.Despite all of this the story was interesting. The author has made a good effort to put together a LW tale of adultery with consequences. I hope that there will be more stories from crisscross2037 along these same lines.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

THIS DOG DON'T HUNT # 55

The final 2 paragraphs undo an otherwise fine story.The final 2 paragrophs are a juxtaposition of rhe main character's position as established in the full story.There is no indication that the husband would lose his moral compass in the rest of the story.On the contrary, the author describes the husband as a forthright,honest,man who tries to do the best for his family in this crazy world.The wife is portrayed as the opposite.She is portrayed as a scheming ,lying,slut that tries to wipe her vile betrayal in her poor husband's face.It is the wife that issues him the ultimatum that he will have to live with it.It is the wife who attempts to emasculate her husband in front of her co-workers.Given these facts as given to us by the author,there is no way to justify the husband's total reversal in values.The existence of a possible child that might be his does nothing to alleviate these facts.The mother's track record obviates the need for the father to justify his role as the custodial parent.Obviously, author needed to spend more time on this work.RITTERBURG # 55

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Keep trying

You didn't get there with this one, it's not believable.

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by Harryin VA05/17/09

Tail end Pete was and is STILL a fucking idiot

its bad enough his stories suck shit on toast but to now read his feedback post and his asbusrd irrational mindless blatherings trying justifying the end of this suck ass story ....is just too much

Tail end Pete dude... shut the fuck up

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by APeacefulPlaceTx05/17/09

Too rushed!

I'll give a 5 to try to balance the fools, but this is a C story. The writing was very good, far above the average on LW. The problem has already been stated, why didn't he wonder about his red headed children, why did he leave HIS children (doesn't matter who the sperm donor is, he's the daddy.) and why would he take her back just because she finally had one of his?

Don't get me wrong, I love reconciliation stories, I hate silly torch the bitch stories, although a good revenge story is also enjoyable, this is neither fish nor foul. You've set up a good start, but then you didn't do the hard work of making the reader happy with the outcome.


You can't even get away with the happy marriage because there is not assurance that the wife didn't continue to cheat but was now smart enough not to get caught. As I said this was good, very good writing, but you can't wave a magic wand (deux ex machina) to have the story end the way you want it to end, or frankly, the way I want it to end.

What sets the great ones like Longhorn_07, The Wanderer, Ohio, GaryAPB and the late Joesephus apart is there is no quick fix. Either they wife shows there's a good reason to now trust her or the husband shows why he's willing to take a chance. You made a shot at it, but you TOLD us you didn't show us. Yes they were his kids, but I didn't feel it. You never talked about missing them or even missing her.

What I'd really like to see you do is to give this another shot take the story and re-write it or a the same plot and make even the "burn the bitch" crowd say something like "well, I wouldn't have done that, but to each his own." Make that your goal and when you achieve it, you'll be a publishable writer.

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by Harryin VA05/17/09

Story is crap BUT Readers real MORONS

wow are Most of you readers fucking stupid or what? How does having 1 kid that MIGHT be his-- MIGHT -- justify SUDDEN change of heart of the idiot husband?.

Its like a race to see who are bigger iditos-- the stupid bitch like this author Crisscross or the slopehead dimwts who gave this story a 100.

Most of the wife kids are NOT his. His raising them because the wife was out WHORING around for 5 years does NOT count.

But its worse. Each of thse kids are NOT Products of 1 night stands or a drunken fling. Each one of those kids with the red hair & freckles reminds the husband WHAT and WHO his wife really was like.

There is NO way to get around this: the husband was and IS second best.

The wife INTENTIONALLY wanted the husband to raise someone else's kids and she wanted the husband to do so forever.

Every moment of every second for the rest of his life this idiot husband will see kids that are NOT his but More importantly reminds HIM of what the wife did and what she really thinks of him .

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Ya lost me with the ending

There was nothing -- NOTHING -- to support the change in her, expect the need to tack on a phony, forced happy ending. She lied to him from the moment they met, but suddenly she's loyal to him. Are you really that fucking stupid?

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by digdaddyrich05/17/09

A good story but unrealistic story line

The story is well writen and the characters have substance to them, but the story line is not real. I don't think that the cheated husband would ever be able to take his wife back after being so cruely treated for all of his marriage. The fact that both of the older children have red hair, and a constant reminder too him of his wife cheating and making a fool of him for years, would never let him take her back in his life. As for the brown haired little girl, he would sue to get custody of her to get her away from the unfit mother. As for the father of the two bastard children, he would hunt him down and make sure that he paid for the two children plus all of the back child support or wind up in jail, and still have to pay what is due. Thanks for the story.......Rich

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Wow! First story posting?

This author, according to what he has done in his first posting (I assume it's his first posting), is a very good writing and story teller and has the potential of becoming a top notch writer. I think that his 'cheating and reconciliation' story ranks in the top 10-20% of stories in Loving Wives. There are only 2 main characters, yet, still, in 2 pages he has brought in all kinds of information. Incidentally, I believe that it was seeing the brown haired child that made him change his mind about reconciliation. While reading I was thinking why not DNA profiling on "his" children, assuming that his story took place subsequent to ~1990. He finally brought this up at the stories end. Very good read, Crisscross 2037! I look forward to reading other stories of yours in "Loving Wives." RAG

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Your characters were not consistent

It is your story but the reconciliation was forced. Your character development was non-existent, why would he want her back? You have to sell the reader on the reconciliation. This was the worst RAAC,I have read on this site.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

sorry to say this

this is so heartless. I don't know why you write here at literotica. I bet myself the writer was a woman after the ending. Men have just to tolerate every shit women are doing and still have the inferior reputation in our society for almost everything including sex. but as I wrote how fucking heartless is this story and placed as an erotic story. unbelieveable that you get a sexual high out of this story.

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by Agena05/17/09

Exceptional

A fine story line with with an imaginative writing skill. Looking for more.

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by bruce2205/17/09

Great first story!

You got more people thinking about what you wrote than 90% of the authors. You will note that many of those complaining about how the husband wimped out are non-author. I think that they may be living in an unreal world where everything is clearly simple. I wonder if he ever to explain himself to his "step-children". Did they go to another BBQ with their former friends. It might have been a great scene to include where she publicly assumes her idiocy...
Oh well, I will be called a wimp and a moron for my commentary, but legally I can not accept either title. My temperant gets away from me! Thanks to the author, Crisscross!

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by KOTK05/17/09

Sorry, but it was unbelievable

When I saw your profile, it convienced me why such an ending. You are a female writer so I think that's the reason you were so 'SOFT' on the female character. The big mistake according to me you did was you wrote this from husband's POV. It would have been good if the wife said the story. No doubt you did a good job in terms of writing the story, but the ending hit the nail in the wrong place. No man and really mean no man will take such a cheater back. Ok, he was worried about HIS daughter, but how can you forget what she did. To forgive someone you need a lions heart especially - Cheating, but what she did was unforgivable. You did an excellent job, I must give you credit for writing this story, but you screwed the ending.

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by Risq_00105/17/09

Gotta go with Harry on this one.............

I don't get the premise or the folks giving the story 100

The character as the wife cheats on her husband for 12 years. Has 3 children by another man. Knew the kids weren't his. Passed them off as his. When her lover came to town started telling all their mutual friends about her lover, knowing this was going to hurt her husband, but didn't care. Thought her "4th" child was her lovers. This was the self absorbed character that was the wife.

The husband was slightly better. But what gets me is how he's all apologetic about how he treated her and asked "Oh god Janet, what have I done? Do you really think I could do such a thing" to the woman who for 12 years was having children by another man "intentionally" and passing them off as his. He decides she's learned her lesson after all the cheating and other children because the 4th one is his? "NOW" he wants to pretend it all never happened? Not to mention that in "this" story she was deriding him for his stupidity, referring to him as "big boy" when telling him how things were now going to be? This is the woman he wants to share the blame "equally" for them splitting up?

The premise of the story didn't make me like the wife. Nothing in the story made me like the wife. All the blame got passed to the other man, then he left, so they it got spread around equally between them so it could be a happy ending. That made no sense. The wife's actions ended the marriage and the author stuck them back to make a happy ending. That resolved nothing nor made any sense.

I'm sorry I didn't like the story, but it didn't make any sense.

-Risq

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by gatorhermit05/17/09

Strange and Inconsistent Story

The Janet character - as written on page 1 - is arrogant, condescending, and narcissistic. She blatantly rubs her affair in Jim's nose. She regards Jim as only her meal ticket. Then at the end we're supposed to believe that she's all sweetness and light. We have a word for that in Texas: bull shit. If I were Jim I wouldn't trust her with a two dollar bill, let alone my daughter. (On another note, HDK's comment is a good one).

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Ending a little weak

I do NOT agree with those who are name-calling here. I do feel that the story did not really end so much as quit. It seemed as if you spent a lot of time on the start and middle of the story, but with the ending, you seemed to just wrap it up fast in a less-than-satisfying way. You really should put a little more effort in exploring the motivations in both parties in deciding to re-marry, and what sort of compromises they made with each other and themselves. All told, an extremely good first story. Please keep writing!

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by Simple49er05/17/09

I concur

50 % for two-thirds of the story and goose egg for the end of the story and its plot. PHEW! A real stinker ending. As others have already noted, the woman stuck it too him for 12 years in all kinds of humiliating ways. The woman was so stupid and selfish, her actions showed no regard for her own husband and even the illigitimate children - I know not technically illigitimate since he accepted fatherhood wihtout knowing the truth. However the more normal, logical, outcome would be after investing 10 years of love into the children that would not just disappear and when he found out the third was his, even more so. He had real grounds for getting custody of the third if not all three: her behavior would make many judges not see her as a fit mother. But remarriage. How could a man who acted so logically, honestly, and with intelligence SUDDENLY become stupid. He acknowledges everything she did and takes her back. The ending literally makes no sense at all. I would suggest you be creative as your were for the first two-thirds and come up with an alternative universe where the husband-father uses his intelligence and common sense to deal with the situation that would make both emotional and logical sense.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

well, you get a lot

of comments with your (first?) submission I'd say, so it's safe to assume you hit a nerve with it. Technically well written it still has a few flaws and questions unanswered. Characters are inconsistent - Husband: from happy hubby to severing all ties to reconnecting; what are his motives apart from 'doing the right thing'? The wife: cheating from the start, how could she hide her contempt for all those years, only to let it burst out all in a sudden and then act (apparently) convincingly sorry as to get back into the embrace? Why didn't she get pregnant when hubby tells they were fucking a lot? The cheaters: From fucking behind the back of their spouses to do it every 5 years with the intent to breed, to display in public; what is the motive? What about the kids, they seem to have no emotions? The other wife seems like a mere requisite to me. - Well to sum it all up: - I think this an extraordinary story that deserves further elaboration - but maybe that's not your piece of pie. I would like to read more of you whether you decide to carve this story out more or to travel a different road. Good work -bring us more!

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Remember....

Once a Cheat always a Cheat. Jim, how can you trust a woman that has been having an affire behind your back for 10 years and then she hummiliates you in front of both of your friends and laughs in your face? Better look under the bed before you go to sleep tonight or better just pimp her out and get something for her.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

very good for a beginner

Good writing. Good plot. And it's very OKay for reconcilliation to occur. I DO NOT AGREE that once a cheater always a cheater. People can and do change. I would be interested in what happened to Janet and her red haired husband around town. He needs a little more retribution. But then again, it's true that the bd guys don't always get punished. Their outcome doesn't always fit with their crime. Leaving his children with a strange woman seems far fetched. Children would never accept that right off so that made me realoze that the story is fiction, not reality. KEEP WRITING.

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by Anonymous05/17/09

Blows Chunks

12 years and he just lets it go? Bullshit. Obviously a woman writer that has never been near a MAN!

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by Anonymous05/17/09

25

25

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by the Troubador05/17/09

Too much over the top

The emotion you wanted is there, but making the wife thoroughly stupid, no woman in her right mind would have been so totally in the dark about the consequenses of her actions is too much over the top. Second, how could your naive, brilliant technician and businessman allow a woman so obviously mentally incompetent take care of his kids.

Good idea for a story, but you went way WAY over the top.

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