by bassbelly
it was one of the best stories ever... until the last paragraph, ruined the whole thing... ugh.
Did you just stop trying or something? Who wants to read a story that ends like that? It made absolutely no sense.
*Confused*...
It did not start as a "love story" so why should it end that way. It just started and ended the same way. Good ending!
1950's: braless? I don't think so. Bras were required armaments then. No condoms? I don't think so.
Nice story, but it has no ending. Too many inconsistancies with how things were in the 50's. No bra! Yeh, right! Take your blouse off in the back seat with your brother there - yeh, right! I know, it's probably fiction, but at least make it believable.
This is one story you could have left on the drawing board and forgot about as this is not like you at all.!! You are one of my favorite writers - but you have just hit a bump in the road. Go back to your style that you know and that we are used to.! Thanks.
I like the story, even tho there was a lot of inconsistencies. I was really dissapointed when the baby talk came in.
This was not well written at all, but I think you should keep trying. The writing lost me almost from the beginning, but I forced myself to read through it. The story was interesting, but you need to practice more or perhaps take some writing classes. Keep at it.
The whole story was awesome until,
well... the whole "BABY", talk came in.
I mean you would fuck right, but
have children???
now that's wrong!!!
I really don't get your point. In the whole story the sister tells him she loves him. She also tells him to make her prgnnt. Either she is a horny bitch who only want one thing, fucking ; or the brother is the biggest fool or may be i am who read this story.
There should have been some romnce in the beginning. You didn't give them a reason for the heat other than they were horney. The ending was a real letdown. He went back to school and she picked up another dick to fuck. At that point you turned her into a slutty whore. A real let down at the end.
typical for this site you start a good story and ruin it at the end what a waste of time
no guy that had his sister keep telling him how much she loved him and then just up and ran off with some asswipe would ever think about getting married atleast not for 15-20 years don't quit your day job this sucked big time
Dude.. You had it going really, really well. I tend to come here to live out fantasies that I can't in real life with my sister whom I'm in love with. And good god, that was a wonderful story with an absolute shit ending.
for a long story like that it was fukin amazin. all the way through it was were beleiveable u 2 were so in love and by the sound of it had some pretty good sex, i think the end realy works with the time era, and any one else who says different is retarded. by the way im female and you made me very wet so THANX xx
You just killed your own story. You built up their relationship which stated that they were deeply in love with each other, then with the ending you make it clear that you were just bull********. Follow through with a story and stick with the plot. Hasty decicions like the ending you made, made it clear that none of the things you built up during the story was real.
The story was excellent you worked it up well and completely destroyed it in the last paragraph.
I agree with the others, you screwed this tale in the last paragraph.
Did you get interrupted or have an urgent appointment? I really was not keen on the complacent parents who threw a couple of horny teens together but you made it work; then you hit a brick wall and cheated on us with a lousy explanative narration that sobered us up. You built up to orgasm but pulled out and left us hanging.
Not happy.
Lexie
I mean it was so good and sweet until the last paragraph. I would not recommend anyone read this except to show how NOT to finish a good story
If I was a writer (and I am a reader, not a writer, LOL), I would have the brother/sister sex continue on through the years whenever it was convenient. This was a really good story, entertaining.
Really enjoyed though hate the last part after she so asks you wether you were in the 'heat of passion'
Here I was hoping they would leave home together, secretly get married (or live like a married couple to explain the same last name - high school sweethearts would have worked as a cover story), and had a family together - but NO, you had to ruin it by having the sister marry some douche bag and show she just wanted her brother for the sex and not love!
Brother dodged a bullet because the sister was a major whore. Being past around by all the guys at school and being proud of it and the dumbass brother fell in love with her pussy and was gonna start a life with the worthless whore. Glad the whore did what whores do and moved onto other dicks and he meet peaches. Sister probably had more dicks than can be counted since leaving her brother.
Killed a good story. EXTREMELY unlikely story for 1951.
Dang…. She (your story) had me eating her out, until she farted on my face. Deal breaker.