All Comments on 'I'm Not That Stupid'

This story kept switching between first and third person, sometimes in the middle of a sentence - don't do this without a very good reason.

The constant changing POVs are just too distracting and amateurish. Not amateur -- as in not being written by a non-professional -- but amateurish, as unskilled.

But someone has to love mysteries like I do, or have a road map to avoid getting lost in the changes between persons. It just take a bit more work to clean up but it will increase your audience and their approval....

Good story, but you really need someone to check through your work, it's worse than mine and that's saying something. But don't stop writing you are writing great stories it's just the way youa re writing them.

What's wrong with you? Do you like what you write? Or that you hate what you write? No I don't think so. What's the problem? Seriously, your stories are really very good, but the change in POV is very irritating. Don't be so lazy :-) & I'm sure you don't want to loose your readers so work on your POV other than that it was a good story.

Good subject; good story. The execution (writing) is a bit rough.

woman. For those that cant follow changes in POV I suggest you not try any hard reading like Shakespeare. No woman, no man, wants a trial separation in their marriage unless they have already serious questions about the marriage or are already in the process of setting up house with someone else. The woman described herein was a slut running with sluts. Whether she had been having intercourse or not, she was acting in a manner contrary to her marriage vows and definately stated her betrayal of her husband, her marriage, and her family including the child. In this day and time, to wait on someone to come to their senses means taking astronomical risk in diseases that cant be treated or cured, it isnt worth it. IF you want to play get a divorce.

<p>As I began reading, I wanted to like this story. But there is so much wrong here that I have to ask if you are splicing sections from the work of others.</p>

<p>Some of your dialog seems natural then other sentences have problems with the tense of a word or a misspelling. These errors would be acceptable if they were not so prevalent. However, those errors are overshadowed by the changes in voice, point of view (POV) throughout the story.</p>

<p>You have had problems with voice in <b>every story</b> you've published, but here the problem is much more pronounced. If you are going to tell the story from the first person point of view then please <b>ONLY</b> use that point of view or voice until you learn how to transition to others.</p>

<p>The story has other issues too. The most glaring for me is the lack of a moral high ground on the part of the husband. A Loving Wives story generally has an aggrieved party, a husband who is faithful to his marriage while his spouse is not.</p>

<p>In this story Dan sees a picture of his wife and Karin entering a house with 2 men and presumes the worst. He has no evidence of of actual sexual activity but he is upset. His position is rational in my opinion. But then you write of a naked Beth getting into Dan's bed and no sex happening at that time. <b>I had to ask, would Carol be justified in saying that Dan cheated if she knew a naked Beth shared his bed one night? </b>I thought so; and in thinking that, Dan lost whatever moral high ground he supposedly had.</p>

<p>Pacing in this story is nonexistent. In mere weeks Beth and Dan fall in love. Why? Because you tell us so. If anyone appears to be ready to fall in this marriage, it's Dan not Carol.</p>

<p>I also took issue with a husband that is bold enough to change the locks on the house he shares with his wife yet too cowardly to stay in the country after his wife is served with divorce papers. I won't even comment on a man that takes his child out of the country for 5 months without consulting with the other parent. </p>

<p>By the way, Carol Spenser is the cheating wife in another LW story. I ask again, are you splicing?</p>

I can't for the life of me figure out why this braindead author can't pick a point of view (third person or first?) and stick with it, or why he can't cipher out the incredibly complicated difference between "your" and "you're."<p>Get an editor, for real, or quit stinkin' up the joint with this crap.

people who actually read and enjoy your stories,and I am pleased to say that I am amongst them.Your grammar may not be perfect and there is the odd spelling mistake,but so what?You are not submitting an exam paper for English Lit.Keep up your writing and ignore the comments of the buffoons that seem to infest this once good site.

it appears that Dan has some serious trust and anger issues, not to mention hypocrisy. Rather than attempting to talk or suggest marriage counselling, Dan immediately begins divorce proceedings, call it what you want; but that is what it was. Also, I find it ludicrous to read how angry he is at his wife's betrayel; but had no problems jumping into the sack with the first available woman. Thanks for ruining what could have been a great story.

to the assholes who comment. I think they comment like they do because your stories do not glorify cheating. they do not glorify the other man( as they think they are) but yet make him out to be the sexual predator he is. Your sories do not allow the husband to be a wimp and a man needing humiliation. They need it and are wimps and hate you cause you writh just the opposite stories. Keep writing them and fuck the drippy cunted wife and the wimp husband. Oh yes they always attack your writing ability but hell I've enem read Tom Clancy and enjoyed his stories so much that I ignored the bad grammar and mispelled words.

I generally like your stories, but this one not so much. I understand how the husband would be very upset by his wife leaving, but he definitely loses the moral high ground for getting over-the-top mad at her by misinterpreting her actions, even though his were just as bad, then cheating on her before she can do the same, then by running off out of the country with their son. He comes off to me as being very unlikeable. I realize every writer has their own style, but the jumping around in point of view and the misuse of words that change the meaning of the paragraphs make it difficult to follow the storyline. Please keep writing, but consider making adjustments to make your stories even better.

How can you say the story does not glorify cheating when he was jealous, alienated her and yet it was he that ultimately cheated? And, incidentally, I do find silly errors - like changing person in mid-sentence - irritating because the spell is broken when a story becomes a struggle to read. Why can't authors read through their text before submitting it?

<p>It's like the author never even read his own work, not even once. The story was okay; over the top, but okay. But the switches from 3rd to 1st person, often in the same sentence, were just plain annoying. With a single re-read, the author would have noted his problems and perhaps even corrected them, since they screamed off of the page. </p>

<p>Please author: edit your own work, find someone else to edit for you (there are plenty of volunteers) but don't embarrass yourself with this shoddy writing. </p>

<p>I'm certainly not the grammar police, but there are limits to one's patience.</p>

Dan supported his wife when she was overweight AND when SHE decided to lose weight and get back in shape. Kissing a dozen guys and letting them feel you up is NOT acceptable behavior. There's nothing the matter with an occasional party where a little harmless flirting goes on, even when it gets you a little revved up for sex when you get home. But every week using other men to get yourself turned on? Sex is not necessary to cheat on your spouse. If your investing time and emotional energy into others and letting them spark your flames then you have already cheated your spouse. Sex is just the finger prints on the crime. I agree that sleeping, naked or otherwise, with the nanny is not OK, Dan is not perfect and he is very eager to lock things down. Most men in this position are portrayed as so lovesick that they have trouble getting their act together, drink too much, lose their job, stop eating, sleep all the time. Dan is apparently not like that. Does that mean he doesn't love his wife? Maybe, but this has been going on for 5 months so maybe he's just not a fool.<br><br>

Carol's problem was one of arrogance and putting stupid friends in front of her husband. She wants to "find herself". Her husband has not prevented her from doing anything that she wanted to. He just told her she was going too far. The only reason to move out is so that she could do even more and she is over the line already. The ONLY reason she held herself in check was because he had it clear that divorce was pending. If he hadn't done that she would have already been sleeping around. Dan just made his intentions perfectly clear. Tuff luck that she didn't want to hear the message. Most people about to do something wrong don't like to be told that they shouldn't.<br><br>

Everyone wants to feel good and sexy. If you are married you work that out through your spouse. Maybe you don't get everything you want. Your spouse probably isn't either. If your still looking to "get it all" you shouldn't bother to get married or let your spouse know before you do that you won't remain faithful to one person. They can then decide if that's OK. <br><br>

The consistent theme to cheating stories is the stupidity and/or arrogance of the cheater. One time stupidity may be forgiven. Arrogance completely breaks many aspects of a marital relationship and if the other person has any sense of self worth they simply can't accept that. <br><br>

The POV shifting is a bit awkward and I don't see that it's needed for the story. Maybe just a little better consideration is needed to keep a single POV. Overall a good story.

Practically on every story your readers complain about switching from 1st person to 3rd person, sometimes in the same sentence. And yet you continue to write stories which are annoying to read. What is so difficult about obtaining an editor to proof read your stories and correct the mistakes?<p>As far as the story goes, she did him wrong by listening to her friends and leaving him, but he was wrong also by not taking her phone calls, a lot of the misunderstanding could have been avoided if he hadn't been so bullheaded. In this marriage he was actually the cheater.

The use of your in the place of you're is a bit disconcerting. When you want to say "you are" then use you're. The line "I hope your right Karin" should read "I hope you're right Karin" because you're is the abbreviation for you are. Your denotes ownership as in "your wife" etc.

... for the love of all that's holy, get an editor. You write 4 or 5 star stories but it seems you don't care enough to even proofread your own work. I would score you higher is you'd at least get someone to look your work over.

I would have marked this higher except for the writing issues already discussed by lots of other readers. Neither Carol nor Dan are sympathetic characters. She's immature and influenced by her friends, she wants to be free and live the sexy life of a hot, single girl (so she can "find" herself). He's just angry and took the point of view that if she goes out the door, it's over. After that, he did everything he could to avoid a possible reconciliation. He hired a cute nanny who was not much younger than he. He went out in public with her, just as if he were on a date. I'm not excusing Carol's behavior with her friends where she almost fucked the guy she picked up and just said "No!" at the last second. But she might not have carried it that far had she not seen Dan with Beth. It's as if each one escalates the situation another notch over the other -- one-upsmanship I think it's called. As another stated, the process could have been interrupted at any time had they communicated and maybe, with counseling, the marriage could have regained an even keel. But neither wanted to try, so divorce was the inevitable result. I'm sympathetic to Dan to a degree, first and foremost because I'm a guy, but also because she was the one who stopped expressing love for him, ignoring his attempts to be loving, and she was the one who walked out. The sad part is that the child, innocent in the parental fighting, is the one who gets hurt the most.

A very good well thought out story and a happy ending for most of the characters. Other than a few editing errors the story was very good to read. Thanks ...........Rich

you master basic grammar, tenses, and POV's. Read this sentence from the third paragraph and decide if it even makes sense to you, the writer: "I said a little louder than he probably should have".

Get an editor, please. It would have been nice if you had paid attention in school, but that is no longer an option.

Slirpuff, I've read some of your stories, and I've generally liked them, except for the horrible grammar issues. It's getting a bit absurd that so many people are complaining about your constant switching between first and third person perspectives (sometimes even in the same sentence!) and yet you have yet to do anything about it. Are you at all familiar with Literotica's volunteer editor program? It's free, and there are tons of editors out there actually eager to fix the errors in your stories. There's no excuse not to use an editor or two, given the existence of that great program. Go to the main story index, and you'll see a link called "Volunteer Editors." Use it, please!

Regarding the content of this story, I was disappointed. The husband slept with a naked woman before she did anything similar, so that pretty much destroyed his moral high ground. Yet he continued to act like a hypocritical jerk, and it seems like we're supposed to be rooting for him, when in fact there's little there worth rooting for. If this is a true portrait of what he's like most of the time, the wife is probably a lot better off without him.

Where are you commenting people getting the idea that there are hordes of volunteer editors chomping at the bit in the hope that they will get a chance to do thankless work for no credit or remuneration? There is a volunteer program here, and there are several people who are actively and helpfully involved, but don't get carried away by the grand concept you mistakenly think exists, because it isn't there. The guy's grammar and style are shaky, but there are plenty worse here. Cut him some slack, send him your vision of the story as it should be edited, or don't bother to read him. "Get an editor" is not helpful criticism. This is an amateur site, remember. Free too, as I'm sure most of you know.

.

...in wasting time editing nonsense like this?

A good simple story. I too lost a lot of weight and felt attractive again. I really enjoyed the extra attention from the females I dealt with and almost went off the deep end. Of course I had been married to a women that no longer had any sexual desire after turning 40. She is now 55 and I did avoid cheating in any form because it is harmful to everybody in the end. I agree that she asked for what she got...even though she never completed the sexual act. Her actions stated that was where she was going when she moved out to find herself. She had no right to leave her husband and child unless she did not care for them... That was the statement she made to husband by her actions. What he did afterwards was a direct result of her stupidity after she lost weight. I could have done the same if my wife had done that to me... Good story even with writing errors. You can get better just using your tool bar and spellcheck!

reading or understanding the story. I admit I only have a master degree but it definately isnt in English nor English grammar. Yes the writing could have been a bit smoother but then again this is Lit and and published works for money. As long as the writer basically spells well and doesnt try to slam in cute slang terms and local idioms I am good with it if the plot and scenes are well organized and they were. Sorry folks get a life if you want published works with literary prizes go buy one.

ok. hang in there, it's working.

I thought it was a fine story. A few grammar problems here and there didn't destroy it for me either. The best erotic literature submissions I ever saw came from a wonderful young lady named Jessica. I won't embarrass her by giving her pen name, and she just might tell you about yourself if you criticized her occasional grammatical slip. If the anonymous critics want perfection, let them go to the library and read the classics. Keep doing what your doing. There are more of us who appreciate you than you might think.

I'm thot it be waz am veery goode story! Yes indeedey, yup, yup!

Funny, after reading the story which I enjoyed, I read a bunch of the comments and wondered if anybody enjoyed the story they seemed to talk about POV. I didn't find it near as distracting as everyone did. Now the story itself was fabulous as I mentally subplotted so many scenario's to this story. What fun you could have had. I know you want constructive critique to your work but I just enjoy the etertainment aspect of your writing, wishing I could write like you do. Yeah I'm a chicken shit, and won't publish my stuff, not sure I want to get blasted as I'm sure I would be. Keep those stories coming.

It's unnecessary but I feel compelled to reiterate the many comments you've gotten on this subject: pick a point of view -- third or first, doesn't matter which. I prefer third since I like the flexibility it offers in showcasing each character's inner thoughts and dialogue as events happen.

Onto the actual story:

My first point of contention the with story is actually the main sticking point for me: Dan's callous, nearly cold-blooded, reaction to the separation. We get one line ... "I've asked you to talk to me for the last four months, but you've been too busy with Karin and your new friends to make the time." ... but that's it as far as his reconciliation attempts go. Some vague "I've tried to talk to you" comment and then nothing. We don't get to see just how hard he actually tried, all your readers get to see is the husband immediately turn his back on his wife. Locking her out of the house and avoiding her calls. His wife is vulnerable and insecure at this time and he's forcing her to fend off the wolves (Karin and slut-friends) by herself? I'm left believing that Dan has no real desire to save his marriage or his family. I am not, by any means, excusing Carol's actions, but to not support the woman you claim to love and the mother of your son in any real way when she needs you the most is something I can't understand.

Then you have Beth -- what the heck? Halfway through the story you introduce a recent college grad into the story as the attractive, single nanny who adores Andy and falls in love with the boy's father because of how great he is. All the while, Dan has made no real attempts at reconciliation with his wife and has since decided he may as well shack up with the nanny since... well, I guess since she's got tits and an ass? Why exactly is he falling for her? We don't really know because you only show them going to one dinner together during a special celebration and nothing else. We're supposed to just accept the relationship because you say so.

The letters to Carol are another thing I couldn't really get. I can see him believing Carol cheated on him and the idea that he can't get past her adultery (even if he did nothing to help her), but the letters were so uncaring and even cruel in he views the supposed woman he love(s/d). Even finding out that she chose him before she did anything unforgivable doesn't sway him in the slightest from the thought that Carol is a cold-hearted bitch wife who doesn't deserve him anymore.

I like the premise of your story, I really do! I'm extremely interested in stories where the wife decides she wants time away to figure out her life and in that time, the husband realizes he doesn't want to be with her any more. But, the ideas contained in your story weren't well-thought-out and were very rushed. Take your time when writing a story and make sure you give explanations and show the motivations for major events.

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved...too bad Carol never realized it...

pity

Husband is a total asshole. He cheated and should get the 35% of the split....but I guess the author forgot his own condition...

A well writen story with a great ending. As far as the actions of the husband goes, the wife had all the time she needed to get back with her husband and was to stuborn to take the opportunity to retrieve her marriage. To damned bad for her, now she has exactly what she earned with her attitude. R.T.

but to your anonymous knockers I would say, "Re-read the terms of the separation document". It clearly states that any behaviour that was not appropriate for a married woman (or man) would result in divorce. It did not specify adultery and the behaviour of the wife in the club certainly showed such behaviour.

Read - and re-read if necessary - when you are sober, before commenting.

You shift from first to third person constantly. Your transistions from one scene to the next are muddled at best.

You need to seperate the dialouge.

I like the story, but you need to tighten up your writing.

read the fucking story morons, she gave up custody in the sep agreement. So him taking his son out of country is legit. also once the pic show her going in the apt with the men and the other slut it was over.and as far as him being an asshole show that most of you anon comments are pussy ass wimps. the bitch wanted to move out and find herself with her slut girlfriend. what she found was herself alone.

Just a woman hating man writing stupid garbage screwing the wife and giving everything to the husband that could never happen in the real world.

Reading between the lines, the writer got taken to the cleaners in a divorce and writes a story so the woman is taken to the cleaners far worse than his divorce.

go and write your own wimp story.

Uugh... You found the best turn off - rolls of fat!!!

all the wimp (who take wife's side ) read again. if u r not dumb then u will understand that husband didn't want divorce

wife is one who wanted to find happiness and the road she select was 75% (if not 100%) lead to divorce.

as lots of say its not will happens in real world (in end husband find happiness) and husband is asshole to them i like to say that

IN FAIRYTALE U DON'T HAVE TO PAID PRICE BUT IN REAL WORLD U HAVE TO PAY PRICE FOR UR STUPIDITY AND NOT ALL THE TIME PRICE IS FAIR ITS ALWAYS BIG. ITS LIKE U MADE DEAL WITH DEVIL HAHAHAHAH

SO DONT SAY ABOUT REAL WORLD

AND U WIMPS/SLUTS DONT THINK THAT WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING THEY LIKE AND THEY DIDNT HAVE TO PAY PRICE SOME GOT DIVORCE , SOME LIVE IN HELL STYLE LIFE AND SOME DIDNT LIVE

THAT THE LIFE

Shit story 1 star the guy was a piece of shit, yes fatso was a bit of a slut but let's be honest he did almost as much as her and did infact cheat on her with Beth the slag when he got back into the country I'd kill him simple as that.

listening to gossipers and no-gooders, listen to the results. TK U MLJ LV NV

gave it a 5 sar

Most of these anonymous cocksuckers need to take take their head out of their ass long enough to see how a man with self respect reacts to disrespect.

The story changed tenses, between third and first person, and interjected Carol's thoughts, so much that I developed a split personality reading it. I hope that this wasn't a "fantasy" or "getting it off my chest" for the author, because then the author is one sick puppy. I hope it was just a story, nothing more. Way too angy to be enjoyable.

...gave it 5 stars. Just a touch of critisim, first person or second pick one.

The investment of another page or two would have helped me give the story a better score. At least there was no reconciliation.

We pick on you enough about your weird ending and some bizarre psychological conduct so I thought...a Five!

You're good, this story was good and I'll overlook the first and second person changes. We get it...short and to the point.

Carol was a fool and especially so because I don't think she really wanted to cheat, she was just caight up in all the attention and night life...oh well!

she never should have slimmed her mind, TK U MLJ LV NV

quit being english teachers. life changes tenses and persons and goes from singular to plural in a heart beat. maybe you need to go back to your "three little pigs" book and the "cat in the hat." be adults, learn to keep up. it was a great story.

I am in agreement that the marriage was in severe trouble before the steaks were ready, and Sweetie was clearly warned about exactly how severe. Hubby stuck to his guns, as I also agree he should have. My main quibble about this good story about a strong husband and father confronted by a gullible and impressionable spouse is that it had very low eroticism. The writing mechanics also suck swamp water, but it is nothing a good editor could not fix very quickly!

4*

Just stupidity on the wife's part. She really didn't want to cheat but listened to bad advice from friends and it cost her everything. I can't call her a cheating slut. I can call her stupid and gullible. She made her now empty bed now sleep in it. ALONE

OH YEAH

You really need to choose between first and third person, you chop and change multiple times in one sentence.

dont worry about changing person in the story. hell that is the way life goes. one person talks, and that person thinks at the same time and the person they are talking to thinks something while the other is talking, and then they talk back. only idiots need it all in the same person and they will never be happy until stories are in pictures with little ballons with words in them coming out of the cartoon characters mouth. you did good. 5

She didn't actually cheat (yes, yes, emotionally bankrupt aside). In fact, not only was he more unfaithful than her by accepting Beth in his bed and then practically eloping, the entire time they were separated he simply pushed her further and further away instead of trying to mend things. Hmm. Not so much revenge as a lazy, uninteresting civil dispute. And why tag this in adultery and cheating?

Or did I miss that? She may have been doing some questionable things, but after all those years of marriage he sure kicked her out fast, filed fast (her mistake was to sign the first agreement, he had no legal standing to force her to do that) and in the end, he slept with someone first. Seems to me a good attorney would have gotten her 50% of his net worth, including his business that he was hiding. the house and primary custody. That's the way the Courts roll. He just didn't have a leg to stand on. At the end, he took the kid away from his mother - he turned out to be the bigger jerk.

She played chicken with a spinning 440 volt buzzsaw. That's the story's bottom line to me. I know people akin to both these characters Dan doesn't make a move without being covered three ways to Sunday. He's audacious, abrasive & apparently not much into the body beautiful mode of thinking.

In terms of his domestic attitude, I'm reminded of Robert DeNiro's character from " Meet the Fokkers ' circle of trust ' family concept. You are either all the way in & he'd die to save a member or totally out. It's just the way it is. Carol had a number of entitlement issues & tried to impose different values in marriage mid-stream.

A lot of guys would have aquiesced to her agenda. They would have joined a gym, lost the weight that apparently was an issue. Not Dan ! Good, bad or indifferent he's happy with who he is. The ironic thing is that the same issues might well repeat with Beth.

There is kow-towing, grudging aquiesience, compromise & a minute measure of flexibility a man must do from time to time to placate a woman. Let's just hope for the second time around, Dan shows a greater range of those qualities. If blame were to be aportioned out, yes Carol has the lion's share.

Yet Dan isn't spotless. The first marriage was salvageable. Great story by Slirpuff. Dan was a complex character. I'm a bit sorry Carol wasn't a bit more of a match for him. Yet this was an easy read with aspects & nuances that still echo after the conclusion. I'd be borderline-estatic, if I could write something this good. Bravo.

Grammatical errors aside, I enjoyed the storyline. He was within his right to divorce her the moment she moved out.

he was the blame for the failed marriage???

she is the deserter of her hubby and child!!!!!!!

my opinion is he done great for he and the child.

A man who does not make the same mistake twice.

Anonymous said he cheated first, I say bullshit she cheated when she started playing kissie face and letting other guys finger bang her on her so called girls night out! Say what you want ladies and gentlemen, but if you do things like that that you wouldn't normally do in front of your partner it is cheating!

Why Carol hadn't put on a strap-on (12" long, 3" wide) and tore Karin's ass bloody???!!!

a counselor before she left? Why would Dan not try to do that if he loved her so much. It was too easy for both of them to fail here. And cutting her off from her son was despicable. He went nuclear without trying to make sure he covered all the options. Her behavior was terrible, but had not reached the point that would justify what he did. Counseling first. I think in fact the way you present it, he did not love her anymore and this became an excuse to find a younger and prettier woman. I actually have more sympathy for the son than I do for either of them.

obviously you weren't reading the same story that was written, otherwise you would not be so clueless.

and the CHUBB-ARITA returned full figured, TK U MLJ LV NV

I've seen similar things happen in real life. A fatty gets religion with diet and exercise and discover they are among the normals. When you have low self esteem it is a major lift to expel barriers that you may have had your whole life. At any rate, this story had human interest and relevance to real life stuff. It was well presented up to the end of the legal separation and the transition to outright divorce. I felt the author could've given more thought to the characters and their interactions from that poor til the end. Carol had some extremely serious life changes that needed airing out. Of course in real life, a good friend would've suggested counseling (individual or marriage). The fact that Carol basically stepped off a steep cliff metaphorically speaking is an understatement. Dan exercised due diligence and he was much more patient compared to most men that I know. I know I would've initiated divorce papers after the Christmas party. I feel Carol needed a mental health professional to evaluate her state of mind. Overall, this was a well thought out story with many important issues presented in graphic detail. Thank you.

Loved it. I had a song playing as I read it, it was "Twist and Shout".

Yes you are. Quite stupid. And an ex-wife. That's what happens when you listen to stupid friends. Ye reap what ye sow. Fucking idiot.

My ex wife was very much over weight, almost 200 pounds, her self esteem was practically gone. Being over weight in a world that measures success by your smallest waist line is an awful life to live in. I too encouraged her to a gym, together we were at the gym 3 to 4 times a week, diet regiment and within 1 year she lost so much weight, I saw the attention from guys. Our down fall, we went to clubs, and watched her attitude change. within a few months shy of our 3rd anniversary she cheated, an attempt at counseling was started but she could not honestly sit through it. she found a new life and loved it. near our would be 5th anniversary we were finalized in our divorce. To this writer, I share your pain, I too found success, not in business, but another woman a year and a half after my divorce and have been happily married ever since. And, my now wife, was very skinny when we met and still is. We went to a few clubs, and could careless about the attention or eyes from other guys.. we danced the dirty dance, and celebrated our 14th anniversary. 5 stars to you wish there could be more.

Trust is gone

You have a talent in making all your characters thoroughly unpleasant and unlikeable.

Dan beth Karin and carol were all scummy peasants, no feeling of remorse or happiness for any of them.

Who cares? She still cheated! Sex is the final, but not the only act in cheating.

Good story Slirpuff, but try to concentrate on the narrative a bit more. This story chopped and changed from one first person to another,and then onto third person. We can still follow and enjoy the story, but it just becomes a little irritating to keep switching. Maybe try it in the third person narrative, using quotations.

There are so many comments stating that Dan cheated. Where? When? Beth slept in his bed, so what? They SLEPT. She "spooned" him. Meaning he had his back to her as they slept. People can and do sleep in the same bed at times without having sex! Dan wasn't the one kissing strangers. He wasn't the one being fondled, groped and fingered in public on an ongoing basis. He wasn't the one playing tonsil-hockey and swapping spit, and flashing her tits with dozens of men at the parties. He wasn't the one using strangers fingers to get warmed up for sex at home. He didn't leave his family and home because he was bored with them. That was all Carol. She felt her husband and child weren't good enough for her and were holding her back. Well, she got exactly what she wanted. Remember that Dan pleaded with his wife to stay. Begged her to not kiss other men and allow them to grope her. She still walked. She was high on attention and wasn't about to let her husband stop her fun. She had all the information and she decided to leave. After that, all bets were off, as was the marriage. If she wanted to remain married, all she had to do was try. But that seemed to much effort for her. Dan, at this point knew his marriage was over, his wife was lost to lust, so he did the only thing that remained. He protected himself and his son.

doesn't work when a man does it either. i was cool with it until he stole her baby, then i switched to the "dent his head" team.

A heroin user of a crack head by his statement. He didn't steak anyone's kid. She abandoned both of them so he was doing the right thing and parenting Andy. So one ten.....put the needle down and join the rest of us in the real world.

Way to present a logical and informed rebuttal to my statement! You must be the hit of the elementary school debate team! How do I respond to "Shut up", that can`t be beaten. What`s next, name calling?

He didn`t "Steal her son". He lived up to His responsibilities as a parent, to nurture and raise his son, to see that he is raised in a loving environment, and brought up right. That was his duty. Any personal wants and desires go out the window when you have a child, and they should become your only focus. Carol either forgot that, or couldn`t live with the responsibility of raising a family, so she made her choice to leave. She was the one that walked away from her obligation as a mother. Just because she was Andy`s mother, doesn`t make her a good one, and an alcoholic, promiscuous party animal is not someone a responsible parent wants influencing their 6 year old son. She wasn`t too concerned about the welfare of her own child when she was out partying, only complaining when Dan appeared to have moved on without her. In her mind it was; Her first, then Karin, then whatever guy she could make out with, and at the very bottom of her list was her son and husband.

Dan didn`t "Steal" Andy, because he had sole custody, by mutual consent, and Carol left, without paying ANY child support, just dumped them and went to a party.

You say; "That shit doesn`t cut it when a man does it". When a man does what exactly? Abandon his family to sleep around? Not pay any maintenance or child support? What are you trying to say User110? That we should all feel free to walk away from our obligations and responsibilities, without consequence? You are right in one thing, though, That "Shit" is unacceptable, to abandon a child, when ANY parent does it!

Ultimately, I'm on Dan's side. Carol was the one carrying the idiot ball throughout. But I do feel that Dan is also culpable. The problem with Slirpuff stories is that characters don't have enough meaningful conversations. There's some suspense and drama, a lot of fighting and yelling, but mostly characters are just responding emotionally to each other's stupidity.

The reason why Dan's culpable is that Carol tried to talk to him several times, but got shut down. With an intelligent conversation he might have been able to talk her down from her position, or at least get her to rethink what she wants out of a separation. The only conversation we get is him chastising her for being stupid. Great! I'll bet that will win her over! He left her in a position where her only confidants were divorcees out to ruin her marriage so that they could all have their fun together slutting about.

"I can't fix this marriage by myself." Then why the hell did you delete all twelve messages she left on your phone you damn fool?!

In the end, although Carol deserves the blame for being stupid, Dan made out better than he deserves.

Dan:

"I've asked you to talk to me for the last four months, but you've been too busy with Karin and your new friends to make the time."

That shows Dan did try.

and look what it caused. TK U MLJ LV NV

This was just so, so stupid. 2 **

who do you listen to, the TV, RADIO, INTERNET, SOME MOVIE STAR, none of which may have a clue what's going on in someone else's life, or country.

You finally realized that cheating is more than just having intercourse.

...there are so many spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, and technical errors that they seriously detract from the enjoyment of the story.

So which one was it that wanted to bring in farm animals? Sorry...couldn't help myself...

Well, it seemed to me that she had an adult job, an adult marriage and a husband who loved her for herself. That should have counted for something. She was a mother and a wife who got serious about losing weight and then lost her mind. She put herself in situations that were detrimental to her marriage and never gave her family a second thought. Going out on her husband for a "girls night out" and letting men touch her and kiss her wasn't something that she did accidently. She set out to put herself into that type of situation with malice afore thought. Getting hot and then using her husband as a dildo was selfish and disrespectful to him. Thinking about someone else during sex with your spouse is infidelity.

How do you "find yourself" as a married person by leaving the marriage and acting single? Clubbing 4 nights a week with all of the attendant fondling and kissing. Going back to her single "friend's" apartment with a man, getting into bed naked with him and making out before "coming to your senses" is so far over the line that you can't see it anymore.

The only reason I didn't give this a 5 was that I don't think much of "girl's nights out" or "finding myself" discussions. Nothing to do with the writing or the grammer. Or spelling. Unlike a lot of people who commented on this story, my computer screen isn't all marked up with my ever present "red" ink pen.

It seems they both got around to cheating. And if she got a good lawyer, I think that lawyer cooks his ass for taking the kid out of the country. I think he kills the whole separation agreement, the sale of the house and the divorce gets put on hold until they return to the States. If he gets the wrong Judge, he might do jail time. But I'm betting he loses custody, Carol gets back into the house with child support and alimony. The Judge will be particularly unhappy that he got Beth pregnant while still married to Carol. He lost - big time. Even for fiction, your ending was just too far out there.

are you retarded? What story did you read? She left him, they were still married. He filed for a legal separation that stated the divorce would become final is she cheated or as he put it did anything that was not proper for a married person to do. I think all of the things she did fit that category nicely. I can't help it that you are one of the "take the wife's side no matter what crowd", you are wrong. I also don't think that any lawyer would take her side, what with the legal papers and the pictures. She needs to go on and get a life and you need to read the story before you comment.

Your stories are very good normally but this one needed some serious editing.

Also the husband comes across as a bit of an asshole.

Yiu think the husband comes across as an asshole? Well, you have that in common, then!

How, exactly, is he an asshole? His wife decides that she wants an indefinite vacation from her family, and her responsibilities as a mother, so she can go party 4 or 5 nights a week. She makes out with DOZENS of guys in public, lets anyone with a swinging dick feel her up, finger her, goes to bed with them, all while letting her husband do the mundane things like RAISE THEIR SON! What did HE do? He stood by his wife, when she was pregnant, sick, or fat. Let's see, he made sure his son didn't get dragged along by his mother to witness her whoring, or be neglected. He hired a nanny, to make sure his child's needs were met when he was at work providing a future for his son. He worked harder, so they would be financially secure, while STILL spending quality time with his son. He didn't have ANY intimate relationship with the nanny until he had PROOF of his wife's infidelity.

What did his wife do? Oh yeah. She went out and partied, fooled around, and ABANDONED her son!

Which one did you, in your infinite wisdom, say was the asshole?

Carol was a selfish cunt, plain and simple. My first wife was the best piece of ass Omarks male employees had in the late fifties. A few of the wives of those guys clued me in and gave me lessons in sex and fidelity. I got more pussy from those wives than I could handle in a dozen life times. I was taught how to bring them off and how to enjoy eating the best snatch available. It was wonderful. But my cunt of a wife had to rub my nose in it, giving me a couple cream pies which when I realized what was up or down became violent. We divorced. I became a full fledged drunk, nearly lost my job several times over, but then went back to school, became an engineer with a business minor, was taught how to make tons of money by a fellow OCS classmate, taught how to invest in real estate and stocks. My then girl friend learned the same tricks, we got married, saved and invested an both retired at age 54 respectively because we could afford it, had the time and money to travel , buy boats, motor homes and lots of fine cars we have about twelve now, a cole are in various stages of repair (restoration). The spread em for everyone cunt has had a tougher life, never got much going for her until in her sixties and she still works, I almost hope she is happy, then again why. It's still fuck her, she was a god damn tramp, and maybe still is. She loved black cock, and I was told she did gang-bangs, but I was never into sharing unless it was someone else's wife, especially if their husbands were fucking mine. I got a perverse kick out of that when they didn't know they were eating my cum.......

Yes the wife went first. But then Dan took his turn. And I don't think a legal separation gave him full custody. Even a mediocre lawyer would have gotten Andy shipped back to the States and Dan would have needed to stand in front of a Judge and explain his actions, including his infidelity. They get divorced but I think Carol got full custody, the use of the marital home until Andy graduated, alimony based on Dan's ownership in the firm (couldn't hide that from a blind accountant) and a chunk of his retirement. This was a nice fairy tale but there's no way it would have played out this way in anything but fiction.

I've read a number of this author's stories and have found them to be overall well done and interesting. This is an aberration (I hope) in that there are several word usage errors, switching from 1st to 3rd person in the same paragraph, as well as past tense and present tense confusion in the same sentence. It was like he decided on a rewrite through the middle of the story and pretty much half-assed it.

The story itself was okay. Pretty much formulaic in plo. There is almost no explanation of the wife's actions and not much explanation of Beth 's actions either. The whole thing just seems more like a work in progress than finished work.

This story had a disturbing number of changes between 1st and 3rd persons, places that words seemed to be missing and places where words that sounded the same but were spelled differently appeared in error.

The story content is above average. But grammatically speaking, this would get a failing grade even in a junior high school writing class. Please, find yourself an editor.

Once again a selfish hero who gets what HE wants.

He didn't have sole custody of the kid until a court says so.

He doesn't get 65/35 until a court says so.

He cheated first (using BTB fans definition) so the separation orders should be against him and the wife gets custody and 65%.

She is better off without this idiot anyway.

"I guess she's finally made up her mind," I said sadly because I had really wanted to get back together with Carol, but no longer. Didn't act like he did wouldn't even talk to her lol This author writes some good stories but he excels at writing stupid people!