All Comments on 'Jack and Diane Ch. 19-21'

The first 95% or more of the ending was up to your usual high standards BUT then BAM! It is as if you just grew tired of writing this tale and at some point decided to wrap it up in 90 words or less, so to speak.

Diane moves above the store and has no room for the children and later with no explanation is taking them; she is anorexic and is influencing the daughter and that is treated almost as a throwaway and does not really belong the way it is handled, and unless I forgot(which is possible since I read the original quite awhile ago) Milla was not known to be a lesbian nor was any mention made at any time of any attraction between her and Zoe.

Diane was originally shown as a very intelligent, ambitious woman and it makes no sense that she would continue time after time to get burned on the insurance issues.

You are without doubt one of the better active cheating wives authors and I question whether you have the right editor(s) if these types of things are not at least questioned. Are they?

I still remain a fan and I hope this is taken ina positive light.

Sorry, I couldn't even finish this. I felt that you changed everyone's character mid-course. The Diane of the earlier chapters would never be sorry for her actions, only that they didn't work. I would expect her to be trying other schemes on Jack and on others. She would have also been shrewd enough not to let Peter slip away. Jack also changed from a decent person to sort of a jerk. The kids became background noise. There was no way the Jack of the earlier chapters would have sabotaged her piping. Mia and David were a tight couple, now they are divorcing. Another problem for me was the lack of editing here. Read this sentence fragment: "I asked picked up a guitar and if they could play my party piece and asked if they could play my party piece,...". For me personally, I also had some trouble keeping track of people mentioned in earlier chapters then resurrected here. I was disappointed with these last two submissions. That said, many thanks for finishing it. Many here do not even have that courtesy. Ttom

says it all. Your Jack is too vindictive, its not good for his own sake, especially when he at a later stage has to explain to his kids why their mother fairs so badly. He is not a great guy - I'll call him small in fact.

This was a lot more fun to read than the original ending which sounded more like an afterthought. Perhaps it was the outline for this one. I am still unhappy that he did not find that woman to be the substitute mother and lover. I would never be happy with even a large number of one night stand. Having your favorite always is more my style, but different people different strokes....

Th first version of this story's end was very abrupt. It looks like you attempted to make the change in Jack's life more congruent with the person you developed in the story. However, I could never see Jack as a professional musician; the respective hints in the story seemmed to be rather perfunctory. The same is true for Milla's and David's homosexuality.

The revenge against Diane is more complete in the new version but the old version is more consistent in regard to the personality of the characters.

Thank you for writing for us.

....but overall a good read and what's up with Hansbwl? Maybe if he wasn't afraid of reader comments he'd have the gravitas to criticize in this way but even thus he is wrong.Your protagonists usually "torch the bitch" in clever not "scorched Earth" ways and nothing should be kept from children (that would help them in later years) see through the bullshit people hide behind-pistolpackinpete

....hansbwl- I guess it's just his most recent offering that obviates reader comments-but I stand by the rest!-pistolpackinpete

This ending is much improved! In fact, Diane continues to act in a focused, self-centered way, not quite believing that Jack won't take care of her problems. Jack doesn't just retreat and give up his assertiveness as he did in the original (although, note: Jack may contribute to Diane's boy-toy's failure, he is not responsible for Diane's problem, so there is a limit to his vindictiveness).<p><br>

As for the sexual confusion at the end: well, hells bells, a writer gets to do what he wants with his characters, and after all, they were not the central focus of the story. I suppose in a longer story that contained more background materials, TTB could have been more explicit about the possible homosexual natures of some of his friends. But heaven knows, haven't you ever been surprised by friends 'coming out'?<p><br>

Anyway, TTB has my thanks for taking the time to revamp his earlier story!

The author obviously loves to listen to his rantings. He should spare his readers!!!

TTB, I spent all night reading this tale, so I don't want some anonymous cheap shot artist trying to tell me it isn't a good story.

You keep doing it your way and I might begin liking your work almost as much as I do PAPATOAD'S. Believe me, that is on hell of a complement!

This is for the entire story. Very very good story! Excellent character development. Well written. Tried to guess what was going to happen next through out the story. Would like to know to what happened to Jack and did Dianne ever learn. 12 months in the slammer has a tendency to change someone's view of the world.

I don't have any outstanding issues with this story.. you hit every concern I had. Sure, the ending is a bit abrupt, but I don't have a problem with it. It's not the perfect story, nor the perfect ending, but you made it REAL. And life is never perfect. On the up side, it's clear that the man got his life under control.. while the ex lost her precious control of her life! :D My one question is your story description "So you think it's amicable?" in response to commenters? haha

Great story.

As seems to be normal with British authors, you have a firm grasp of grammar, spelling and editing except in one regard.

I enjoyed the story, but it was a bit like a country walk where you can't go very fast and the path turns out to be longer then you planned by half.

I liked Milla. I liked Peter. I liked Henshaw. The protagonist was okay.

I don't feel I wasted my time with the story, but like a small child I felt like occassionally shouting out 'are we there yet?'

There were a few weaknesses with the story, some of which I attribute to personal style or lack of attention on my part.

You're initial jumping back and forth in time, while followable, was a bit annoying to me. I don't mind such transitions, but I prefer story, backstory, storym not hitting forward and reverse constantly. This is common in films, but it's harder to pull off in print because of the lack of visual cues. Like I said, a personal preference.

Occassionally, I found I didn't understand the motivations of the people involved. One example is the protagonist going back and forth on his revenge plans. First he is, then he isn't, then he is again. People are like that, I know, but it seemed a bit vaccilating. I found some of the cast poorly introduced so it took some thought to place exactly who was who.

A prime example was Jenny Henshaw. Originally, for some reason I thought she was the POLICE OFFICER who set him up! So my expectations were a bit twisted until I realized who exactly she was. That might be a memory problem on my part, but Henshaw's character didn't leave much of an impression. I'm still not sure who 'Sam' was, except I know he's a cop.

Thank you for the read and I hope you take my comments the way I meant them.

All in all, I hope you keep writing because I enjoyed it.

I've got to say that Jack was a complete prick and any mental problems that his kids have in the future are all on him. Story started off strong but went on too long and in the end he was as bad as the wife.

TTB, thanks for the good read.

You did an excellent job of getting how cold, calculated, and downright blind the ex was throughout the whole story.

And giving him a good ending.. nice job.

Keep up the good work!

Too bad you don't write any more.

This could one more chapter.

Thx!

We have enough Pommy shit on this site already !! "1".

Diane finally got her head squarely up her ass but it was always there in her shallow conniving materialistic ways. Our hero proved his salt and outclassed everyone in the end.I enjoyed your style and skill. Cheating low life skanks get their due in the end. They ride high in April and shit down in May...somebody should write a song about that..maybe they already did.lol Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Seemed to be a lot of detail until you got to the end and then, wham bam, The End! You sure left a lot up in the air. Like most of the adult lives. Oh sure, Peter lost the gym but where did he go and what of his relationship with Diane? And Diane is in jail, but only for 12 months. Then what? And what of David and Milla? And Zoe? And what of our main man? Just left to the random groupies? Strangely unsatisfying ending to what had been a pretty good story.

Oh wait! There wasn't an end was there? After all that. After all those chapters and all that detail. And you don't write a finish? BOLLUCKS!

FINISH THE DAMN STORY

you come up with good stories but you NEVER finish them!!! FINISH THE DAMN STORIES!!

Diane is an evil, scheming harpy with a grandiose life plan for screwing her husband but no attention for details, and it quickly becomes apparent that the moment Jack is no longer there to keep her motorcar registered and her home properly insured her life will spiral down into chaos, buried under the trivial bits of business that she cannot manage. There will never be an end to her little plots and tricks, and each one she tries and fails will just send her sliding further down into a pit.

As for the commenter who thought that Jack was a prick, which story were YOU reading? Most of the time he's merely defending himself against Diane's evl plots, and when he finally does decide to do something nasty, the worst he can come up with is sabotaging a pipe to prevent Diane from selling his kids' happy memories house off and opening a business to compete with Pete's - strictly within the law and in a progressive manner that will benefit a female workstaff. As pricks go, Jack is an utter failure.

No buildup. Very anticlimactic.

lmao so both simon and milla were closeted fags?

After all the nice buildup the ex goes to jail, Milla heads off to another woman and he becomes a musician chasing young birds? What an enormous letdown to a good story. BAH!

Great story. I would have liked to have the selfish bitch drag her tail in remorse at the end but such is life and fiction.

at how you had simon and milla come out as fags. Would have been nice if you let Diane speak again (whether or not she ended up happy with her plan) seeing hw you let her talk in the earlier chapters

........ seemed to have a nice chemistry & history, but for some unknown reasons you never brought them together. She clearly held a torch for him even after all these years.

Maybe you wanted to avoid a cliched ending . And so you just opened the closet. Quite a radical change,indeed.

Jack was too good to be true. Everything just fell into his lap, he never faced any adversity. No drama, no suspense.

Many divorces are due to one partner being very similar to Diane: Entitled, selfish, unempathetic.

Second time through. There are more Dianes out there (of both genders) than your critics realize.

Why bring up Milla "taking up" with Zoe? Just as a throw away? Especially after the last ditch play Milla nade for Jack earlier.

That leaves Milla and Diane with character traits thay are unever, if not conflicting in characteristics.

Oh well. It was a good story, well told.

in part 1 the first paragraph is somewhat unrealistic, well do you know anyone that would roll over for that treatment?

jack was just a bit too good to be true for my liking, and diane? well she has got to be the most evil self serving bitch, how's she gonna run a buisness when she is too dumb to sort out her own car insurance,tax,mot, and her home insurance? why does she phone him when she has problems and not her boyfriend? and not knowing her husband well enough to think he's just going to bend over and take it like a bitch.

good job she has a hole between her legs! otherwise she would be completely useless!!!!

good read though, enjoyed it.

Is the MC getting shat on throughout and then the antagonist getting into unrelated trouble ?

Bleh well he got a house he liked to live in with the kids anyway.

Really enjoyed this. Not many UK writers on this site so finding this author is a real treat. I would give him 10 out of 10 if he was on Checkatrade.

Boots belong on feet, and elephants store items in cars!

Using the law illegally to fuck someone over is utterly reprehensible; good way to make the bad girl unredeemable. I started at the third article in this series, and I really think that whoever decided stories should have a beginning was totally off his rocker. Not reading that probably did a lot to help my impression of the story.

I don't think I think I actually missed anything important...which probably means there was too much redundancy. Sure, you don't want to make a reader re-read all previous chapters for each new one, but it's probably best to write it for continuous reading, adding redundancy afterwards. But you'll always find someone complaining about not getting a free blow job at the free hand job convention.

That was forced into story. It did not fit at all.

Twenty-one chapters? Really? Cut it back to 2,500 words, and perhaps it becomes a readable story.

ONE STAR

Just because Anon gave it a 1. Plus, I liked it

Best BtB story i have read in a long time. Flowed smoothly and with patience the opportunities fell into place. Loved how in the beginning he was just reacting, but things got out of hand, and he was able to dictate the pace.

I really enjoyed it. 5 from here as well. In the last chapter(s) some passages are just a bit unclear. Other than that going at a nice pace and well written. Thanks.

What goes around can sometimes come right back around to bite you on yer fat ass.....

With a sociopath of a wife soon to be an ex and her lover. He kept his dignity and treated her rather fairly considering everything. The only thing I thought a bit sketchy was the sabotage at the house, but he did it for the kids. Which was a lot more than she was willing to do, so all is forgiven. Seems things worked out for everyone. Signed: BTW

An interesting, well paced and generally well written story.

However, as a traditional BTB story it falls short. Usually in a good BTB story the protagonist is the person who directly causes the dire events to befall the antagonist.

In this story it is Diane's behavior that causes of most of her own problems. Jack's lawyer friends, Milla and David provide the brain power to turn Diane's behavior into a series of dreadful outcomes for her e.g. slapping Jack in public, filing a false police report, changing the insurance on the vacation home, talking on the phone while driving, trying to obtain possession of a house owned by Jack's parents. The list goes on and on.

The only overt act by Jack was bursting a water pipe in the vacation home. But he had no idea that the insurance that Diane bought to cover the house would not cover a vacation home. That was strictly serendipity as was the brutal attack by a rogue cop seeking revenge for her father. Diane did not know about the animosity the cop had against Jack when she filed the false charge. But the cop's attack lead to a huge settlement by the police to avoid a public trial.

All in all, Diane self destructed with little or no help from Jack.

The final chapters dealing with the purchase of the All Women's Gym, the Boutique, and the demise of Peter's gym were overly wordy and got bogged down in minutiae.

The transformation of Jack into a popular Folk Singer was simply extraneous.

Lastly, the crux of a good BTB story is that the antagonist knows that her comeuppance is directly attributable to the protagonist. In the story, Diane has no idea that most of her misfortune was due simply her own stupidity and temper that lead to numerous poor decisions.

There is a disconnect in the storyline that I can't seem to abide. Early on Diane is portrayed as an intelligent, astute judge of human personalities. She picks Jack as her husband after weighing all his pro's and con's relative to her grand plan of entering high society i.e. the world of beautiful people. She masterfully manipulates him into believing she loves him. They marry and she acts the dutiful wife and mother while he amasses enough money so that when she divorces him she will be financially able to launch herself into the world she craves. She meets Peter and decides he is Jack's replacement. Tall, handsome, and personable, he is a fitting adornment as her escort as she transitions to her new life.

How could a woman so intelligent, organized, goal oriented, manipulative, selfish, and insensitive behave so utterly foolishly after she walks out on Jack? She acted as wife and mother for years. Yet when called on to just be herself she was unable to play the part of a cool headed, conniving,, self centered, bitch when push came to shove.

Life moves on and he is regressing

A top story. Was a bit slow at times, but I stuck with it and was amply rewarded.

I would have liked him to have got with Camilla at the end. They were in tune with each other, it would have successful.

As to Diane, the lesson there is what goes around comes around.

She lost everything due to her pig headed stubbornness and deservedly so.

Great story 5/5

Would have liked a bit more at the end. Good story. Maybe a sequel?

I like this story, a lot. I got really invested in the characters and want to find out what happens next. How do the kids take their mom's (mum's?) jail time. Does Georgie succumb to the size zero bug, get bullied etc. Does Harry do well in school - or become a musician getting lots of girls in the process? Mila and Zoe? I guess I wasn't paying attention, didn't realize she swung that way, although I guess anything can happen and people change - I know from first hand experience that divorce does a lot of weird things to a person.

.

Anyway a great tale and the few typos were easily ignored.

Good story, 5 stars all the way through. Diane was something else, a real lowlife. Some minor complaints, not enough from Diane's perspective I think which wouldn't be a problem except it seemed like the story was meant to be from both Jack and Diane's point of view. The revelation of Milla and Zoe dating seemed to come out of left field, I was half expecting Jack to go after either one. And the ending was pretty abrupt, would have liked to see how life takes the people, does Jack "get the girl"? What happens to Diane after her jail stay, is it a wake-up call? Still great story despite the complaints.

Ending was quick and seemed short but shit I didn’t write a novel and I thoroughly e joyed most of it. Thank you for the work!

So Simon was with David? Was milla a beard?

I was going to leave a comment for the author but checked the bio and they haven't published anything in 10+ years.

Enjoyed the story but it lacked depth on Diana's side of the story. The author really doesn't get into why she acted like she did. At one point in the story she seems repentant and other times a conniving bitch.

Well that was a long and extended BTB tale. Diane got her due in the end. All is well that ends well as they say and in this case Jack ended up on top as he didn't lose much by getting rid of Diane.

Total brutality. To be honest, I was more interested in the future of this character than Diane and Peter. They never seemed like they were worth knowing.

Good one but a chapter from Dianne's perspective would have been great.

Very guick fade to black.

Why?!

Have numerous friends who were into music scene.

Some only 5 years,others up to 20 years. None made big time. Only the ones who quit after 5 years have a marriage that lasted.

Others might have remarried but family life no.

Chasing dreams?! Have respect for guys who put wife and family before their dreams etc. None for others. How many musicians etc have actually been personally happy?!

What a lot of grandiose words, and excellent story telling and writing, for such an underwhelming ending.

The ending was pasted on to keep in line with the pseudonym I guess.

The first several chapters were very good. After that, it went down hill. Musician? Owner of a gym? Keep it a little real. And I forgot…Diane with a eating problem going to jail? 3 stars. After five for the first half, a generous 3 for the last chapters

The writer seemed to have gotten tired of writing the story and truncatesd as quickly as he could get away with... too bad, because is was a quite good story. 4-stars.

Second time around, good story. I would’ve liked to see him end up with Milla she deserved a happy ending as did he. A shame you did not extend the story to cover that part.

I was happy to see the cheaters get theirs. Karma!!!!

Sorry but not my type of story, it just seemed to end no where⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’m of the same opinion as many others who have commented. It was a good story, but it seemed to suddenly run into the buffers at the end of the track. Shame.

Best described as meandering with the most wimpy cuckiest revenge ever. This type of nameless revenge scenario feels like those stories where guys stay married to be near the kids or to compile evidence. Being with a woman whose cheating on you Nah couldn't do it🙄

Author's name doesn't match the story and found it to be pretty boring

Hmm. Did not understand all the side story with thr secondary characters. Simon and Milla get divorced? And Simon is off to Southern France to retire. But so is David? And he found someone else? Heck are David and Simon somehow the same person? Then Milla ends up being with Zoe? So many random occurrences floating around Jack. Read like a police procedural at some point.

overall excellent and interesting story, found a few name change errors and the MC sure has a charmed life except for the wife w/ too much ego and brains but absolutely no heart. thanks for the read. ending was alittle abrubt and underwhelming but thats life , everyone dies, sometimes quietly, sometimes boringly or and sometimes flaming& screaming but everyones dies. rk

A FEW MIXED TENSES, BUT SINCE YOU ARE ONE OF THE KING'S SUBJECT, THAT OKAY. MY ANCESTRY GOES BACK TO WILTSHIRE, BUT WE BECAME NORTH AMERICANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY. I THOROUGHLY ENJOYED YOU STORY AND GAVE IT CINCO ESTRELLAS ALL THE WAY. CHEERS.

Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

And another rarity is a story with sufficient volume to savor the journey.

Too bad the ending didn't include him getting married while how the ex realized she lost everything