by andtheend
Have no words to describe your fictional(I hope)character.Your writing was structuraly sound and well put together so I gave you a 50%.I could go no farther than that cause I just frankly hated the character.
It just didn't quite work. But good luck with you other stories. I do think your character should really stop getting married though.
This was very funny. Those previous posters who missed the humor in this missed the story.
Don't fret, Andtheend, for someone to hate your character, means that you moved them.
Good job.
The humor was there and it was obvious, but trying to make a joke in almost every sentence was too much. If you had been a bit more subtle, it would have worked better. It also seemed a bit disjointed and had no flow.
How could anyone have missed the humor? I felt battered to pieces by it, it was fuckin relentless, and so in the end it failed. Good effort, great last para.
fast paced humorous and short. Well written and a funny ending. Thanks
You bet I was moved all right, moved into almost screaming being irritated at the humor. Way too much humor. I can see why this guy had three wives, he is not only arrogant but a complete asshole. This guy deserved the kind of wives he had.Since when is gambling more important than a cruise, and since when is his cheating all right and hers is not. Humor yes, but way overdone, making it a less enjoyable read. ML
Good premise, great writing; but your "hero" was such an asshole, he deserves to be single. All I know for sure is that after three wives, he won't have two nickels to gamble with.
....become a battering ram indeed.But different.
I can type and laugh at the same time. The tongue-in-cheek humor was beautiful. If this was based in part from something in your own life, it's very clear that you are over the hump on recovery. Good job, but not your best. 4/5.
Great humorous tale. Pity LIT doesn't have a 'Couples Who Deserve Each Other' section! AKA the 'Lets Play Russian Roulette With An Automatic' category!
and funny.... loved this story and the way it was told.... can't live without them, that's the truth!
What happened to the girl friend he referred to earlier?
Sounds about right, lol! A very well thought out and written story. I definitely look forward to reading more of your work. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.