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Kelly
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All Comments on 'Kelly'

by kelly_kelly

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4 Comments

pouyqwert about 14 years ago

Proof read

I know I'm not one to speak, but please proof read your stories out loud to hear how they sound. There were a number of missing words and mixed tense sentences.

I liked the theme of the story. Will there be a sequel?

H.H.Morant about 14 years ago

Missed opportunity

<title>The story line had possibilities which the author did not develop</title>

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<p class=MsoNormal>The story line had possibilities which the author did not

develop.</p>

<p class=MsoNormal>It isn’t clear whether Kelly met Jesse for the first time

when she went to his apartment to complain about a noisy party. Nor is there

any indication of the thought process that led up to her telephone call two

weeks later.</p>

<p class=MsoNormal>The scene at Jesse’s apartment is pretty good stroke but

high improbable to say the least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </span></p>

<p class=MsoNormal>The notion that a woman in her twenties, self employed and

living on her own, but still a virgin, is going to a man’s apartment wearing no panties

ready to get laid without benefit of sweet talk, drugs or alcohol by a man she does't know

– give us a break, will you?</p>

<p class=MsoNormal>Kelly is possible – a woman who has been too busy with

school and making a living to lose her virginity by her mid-twenties is not

unknown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </span>Such women are known to make

a decision to get rid of the “burden” on almost on a whim. The problem with the writing in this

story is that we get no hint of Kelly’s “problem” – assuming she views

her virginity as such – and sex just happens with a man she does not know

– a man with whom she has never had a conversation. </p>

<p class=MsoNormal>The author could/should have given us some reason why Jesse

was so attractive and/or why Kelly was so ready to spread her legs on this

particular occasion, rather than just giving us a slam bang, thank you ma’m

account. </p>

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mondliecht57 about 14 years ago

Not to be mean spirited

but I'm having problems with the fact that a young woman would go to a strangers room without panties and allows herself to be seduced so quickly, especially since she was still a virgin. There was no indication that she wanted to lose her virginity. To lay down on a bed with a stranger seems unlikely, but then this is fantasy so therefore anything would be appropriate I suppose. Instant gratification, desire and love seemed to work for this story. Thanks for the read.

KOTK about 14 years ago

I liked the story, BUT

I agree with rest of the comments. Did she knew Jesse as they lived in the same building? Was the first encounter at the party was their first meeting? A little characterization would've helped a lot. There are few other issues as well. It did had potentials, you just didn't utilized it. Thanks for sharing.