by chosak
Neither too subtle to be entertaining or too quick to be real. Appealing for those who don't have confidence issues and can connect with sharper, more passionate characters.
You write well =)
With the earlier comments already said, I liked the style and build-up. Take the constructive criticism, discard the rest. Good work.
this whole story was very good. i loved it. definetly well written. keep on writing
This is a fantastic story,
loved it.
The end was terrific, but it could ahve gone on for another chapter
Guess he must spend all his energy teasing his sister,,, 230 in the morning she wakes him up and has to undo his belt and jeans,, he was sleeping was he not
Not much of a story to start with
I liked it, but to be honest I think if you re-wrote it with more description it'd be a top pick. Hot, not too much story involved, but still a good read. Totally able to make a second set of stories off this nice work. As for the other poster, I for one sleep in pants with the belt done up, just the kind of life I'm used to. So forget that part of the negativity :P
maybe you should that pyjama exist,or something to sleep in,whatever,,OH AND WHAT WAS THE STORY,,didn t make sense JUST HATE IT,STOP WRITING,NO GOOD........
Great story. I like how you capture the way her brother torments her in the beginning,so funny.
The build up kept me interested right to the end.
I hope that you will continue with this story as i would love to read more.
AWESOME story.
An Excellent brother and sister episode.
Please add another chapter ,
It jumped to and fro, and who goes to bed wearing jeans anyway? Good potential, but you need a good proofreader!