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Kallie Discovers a New World Ch. 01

byIronwill1995©
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Comments (19)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous02/05/10

Superb.

What a great start to what I hope will be a long running series. There is so much scope with this story, I hope in the future her daughter also gets involved. Please don't be tempted to rush this as it would ruin it.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

Need to work on editing

and also believability. The wife went too fast from not doing anything except with her husband to acting like a complete slut.

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by nyminus02/05/10

Why the hell did the bitch marry?

Now she will get a divorce or rather the husband will unless you (writer) make him a wimp that takes it...Now her kids will suffer. Better that they had never been born than to have a (MUTHER_)Likw her.
Well it had better end well or I will take you to task in the forum,,NYMINUS

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by Anonymous02/05/10

read your bio

read your bio it said you were opened minded, why is it all you sickos think screwing anything that walks and not being honest is open minded, really you are the type of person that no one wants in their lives because your like a cancer a sickness that kills all that is good.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

Total and utter nonsense.

Let me see, the husband travels a lot, yep that's there, they have a boring sex life, yep that's there too, a normal non-slut wife gets turned on by seeign a sex act and suddenly she is a nympho not only fucking strangers but her friend as well. So yet another by the cliches stupid slut wife story. Well done new writer you broken straight in to the cuckold are us stories. If that's your kink then goodbye and don't come back again. But then you are just another swinger one of hundreds of thousands on this site who have no idea about marriage and what it really means.

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by Ironwill199502/05/10

Interesting comments

Some of these crack me up.

1. Its the first story I ever wrote and I for one know its far from perfect.
2. I agree with the person that said rushed, I need to take more time developing the story and plot. I will try better on the next chapter.
3. To some of you, I guess you do not understand the definition of fiction real well. These are stories. In real life I am not a swinger nor have I cheated on my life. If you are reading these as actual events or "real life" I suggest some therapy may be in order.

Thanks for the people who provided construtive criticism, its appreciated.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

Needs work.

NOt bad, but as others and yourself have said, needs more development. Also, a 38 yr old going without a bra? No offense but I'm 35 and i'm a 36b and I wouldn't go without a bra...I like the girls right where they are and braless is a good way to fail the pencil test. Last complaint, you don't need to make Kallie a total knockout. I mean, at 38, she's going to have some wrinkles, her butt won't be perfect and believe it or not, it's our flaws that make us human...that when someone can see beyond the imperfections, it makes it even more worthwhile. Keep writing though, you will get better.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

it could have been a good story

but you are to lazy to find a good intro. it's easy to write all that unbelievable stuff. but a way to describe why and how she came so far that would have been work. not more than 50 points. rather cheap porn flick than story

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by Anonymous02/05/10

GGood story-but read Sinful High Class Mom pt.2 by Shoguy for a hot mom story!

I enjoyed this story. I had wished that you continued to develop it. My favorite writer on this site is Shoguy. Her stories burn with HEAT!! Older men with huge cocks (12-15 inches) with strong confidence(because of their enormous size) are the key to her stories. No one wants to read about an 'average' sized guy--we want giant and her stories are loaded with self-confident-powerful men and the young teens or MILF'S that they always attract. She also uses more imagery with thigh high stockings and high heels. Those images burn a hole in your mind! Good work-but you have to read Shoguy's stories!

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by Anonymous02/05/10

I agree with Poizon

Fuckin nonsense.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

SHOVE Shoguy you know where.

Anonymous -- your obsession with Shoguy is pathetic. Stop trying to turn authors into Shoguy; instead make an altar and burn incense or other offerings to Shoguy and stop with the continual stupid comparisons.

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by Anonymous02/05/10

Not much

Poor character development. There is no reason for either one of the women to change their behavior so much with so little provocation. Then to have the plot show the one having anal intercourse with such a large penis and enjoying it with no prep. Come on. In my personal life and my practice as a marriage counselor and sexologist it does not happen. The next one is fisting without prep no way. Irritating to have that personality change and then physically unlikely happening makes the story lose its bite. As for the one comment by the 34b woman. My wife is 49 and a 34b and still passes the pencil test. I was a professional dancer in my younger days. When we go to the clubs she does not wear a bra and the young guys like and ask for dances still.

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by Ironwill199502/05/10

MOre humor

Ok again some of you are funny to say the least. Some of you have provided good feed back. I was up front that this is my first story. So as I expected it is far from perfect. I read alot of fiction. I do not read a sci-fi book and think wow that is so unrealistic I am a engineer and I know that could not happen... Again Fiction:

fic·tion (fkshn)
n.
1.
a. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
b. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense.
2. A lie.
3.
a. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact.
b. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including novels and short stories.
4. Law Something untrue that is intentionally represented as true by the narrator.

So for those who were unaware of exactly what fiction is, maybe this will help clear some of that up for you.

Now, Character development and rushing to things, thats a very fair criticism. I will work on that in chapter 2. Maybe Chap. 2 while show more background or back track not sure yet.

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by Anonymous02/06/10

nice story

Nice start Ironwill. Lets see where our little soccer mom takes us on this journey. I thought it was nicely built up and how a little alcohol can loosen someone up. Be interesting to see where this is going and how much control these guys have over these moms.

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by Anonymous02/06/10

What

Have you got against soccer moms or their husbands, stupid slut, stupid story, nonsense, I'll skip the rest of this shit, no thanks.

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by chief57302/06/10

Keep it up-- time to see how far the control will go

Maybe her lover can come over to her house and fuck her while her family is sleeping?

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by Anonymous02/07/10

welcome, xxxxxx

Hi welcome to this site, i am like you fairly new to it, so dont let the 'SICK PEOPLE' who seem to have nothing better to do, 'i pity them'. drag you down.

take care by xxxxx

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by Anonymous02/11/10

Not Just Spell Check ...

Make sure you're using the correct words -- "somewhat" not "some what"; "fair" not "fare" share; etc.

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by Anonymous02/24/13

more, more, more!!!

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