by Rob Conner
This should have been passed through the word processor another time or three, maybe handed to an editor. It was hard to follow in places, and generally was not believable.
I also didn't buy that she'd take the threat to kill her family without reporting it. Cheated-on or not, you don't threaten to kill innocent people.
This one rated 0 stars.
Haven't seen anything from you in some time. I almost always enjoy your stories.
Since you say there is more to come I am looking forward to it.
After reading the first comment on this story I went back and reread it. I guess I'm too dumb to notice all the mistakes that would keep people from enjoying the story. Then again, I'm not a literary teacher and read the stories here for enjoyment. Seriously I didn't find the huge mistakes that made the story hard to follow or that made it less enjoyable.
As far as the threat to innocent people, remember the husband said everything was set to automatic if anything happened to him. If he goes to jail the threat is carried out anyway so the wife should go running to the police. Not without a lot of serious thought.
I find the threat a little over the top and feel it was only written to explain why she would agree to his demands. A little dramatic but effective.
I usually don't comment on the plot of a story, characters or their actions in a story because they belong to the writer and will only do what they writer commands. I will say that the threat of violence was over the top and the drama could have been provided in a less extreme way.
But as I said earlier, I enjoyed the story and especially the ending. Good job and thanks for your hard work.
Thought you were AWOL. Enjoyed the story so far. You are a good storyteller, if the writing isn't perfect so be it.
But the details are more than a little unbelievable and the language quite stilted. Still I will read the next chapter to see if you come up with a nice twist....
I have re-read your stories quite a few times now. So it's good to see something new from you. And yes a good start to a series. The wife actually sounds like she has some brains, not enough to stop her cheating but enough to know her husband means what he says. Anyway I am looking forward to the next chapter.
So much for reading a dirty story. Maybe you should see a therapist or get laid more often, Dick!
The writing was OK. Passable. The mistakes didn't get in my way. I agree with others the dialogue was a bit stilted and also agree the threat of auto killing everyone was over the top and unnecessary. He could have simply told her the marriage was broken, what he had done with their finances, how they would live, and let her stew in her mess to see what she would do... Although, a generic plot, done well and thus very enjoyable overall...
Felt like I was reading a news article. There is little to no emotions in the story. If there was love, there would be palpable pain. People are not linear; they don’t go directly from point A to point B. They let the battle between logic and emotion rage. They may make the logical or the emotional decision but never without a struggle. Guilt and feelings of betrayal is fertile ground for depth for a story.
This is another good story with the hint of a possible happy ending. Please ignore the clowns who are wondering where her money went. The story made it clear - she spent it and it's gone.
Your stories are well written and well thought out. It is a pleasure to read your stories. So, welcome back.
But I did enjoy the over the "topness" of his solution. However staying with the 'ho for whatever reason still makes him look pretty pathetic, and intimidating a women with the threat of violence (no matter how richly deserved) is total wimp out. He is fortunate that after announcing his intentions of punishment, she doesn't parry with the same threat, or worse yet go ahead and kill him (and his family) and take her chances with stopping his hired assassins.
Not your typical story; but how long will her attitude last. After all, she dissed him for months and did things with her lover that she wouldn't do with her husband. Maybe sh'es changed, maybe not but I like his attitude. For better or worse, till death do us part....nice touch.
Been reading your stuff since 03'. Was wondering where your dissappeared. Glad to see you back.
There is no place in the US that the Jim's plan could work. Every state except New York permits no-fault divorce - meaning that Clara could get one whether Jim liked it or not.
New York does not have no-fault divorce, but one of the grounds upon which divorce can be granted is abandonment for a year or more.
Abandonment may be actual or constructive. Constructive abandonment occurs when one spouse refuses to engage in sexual relations with the other spouse for a period of one year. To prove constructive abandonment, the spouse attempting to obtain the divorce must also show that he or she made repeated requests for relations during that year, that the other spouse refused those requests and that the other spouse was physically and mentally capable of having sexual relations.
So - if Jim can get it up, and Clara makes herself available "repeatedly" - say once every few weeks for a few months, and Jim doesn't take advantage of the opportunity - he has "abandoned" her and she gets a divorce if she wants one.
The author's story line is as well thought out as one based on the sun rising in the west, or some other impossibility.
No way a woman is going to admit she's wrong and magically completely change her behavior from selfish cuckolding shrew to perfect loving housewife. Nice as a fantasy but isn't going to happen.
Unfortunately, Rob, the story is really mediocre. I have read some of your other, earlier stories, and they were much much better, even from the start. And I say this whether the man faulters on his own self-promise, his own conviction, or not. The characters are just not that fascinated, endearing, or memorable. Perhaps they will become more so, once you've put more meat into their bones.... But I doubt it. Fortunately, it is nowhere as bad as the grave dicking story going on concurrently, where two grown, supposedly top notch lawyers are having a very tough time convincing a very stupid woman, at the DA's office as a lawyer herself no less --- one ten years in the past, and yet is still not over the whole fiasco, since it is only NOW that he showa his 10-year-on ex wife that that young girld he was seen with was his niece, not his lover, and if she the ex wife felt bad about it, NOW, being so wrong about him 10 years ago, AS HE IS now doing lawyering work on behalf of his ex-wife's current and to be ex-husband, a man she also accused of adultery, ALSO with flimsy and faulty evidence, again, of which NEITHER man can conclusively show to be faulty but are begging and threatening her at the same time, promising HER and her lawyer their photographic expert will give the two women evidence soon, showing there was no cheating going on (that it could have been a drugged-out set up but no adultery on the current husband's part, to which the wife said: "fuck you"!!! ---- yours is nowhere as bad as that gibberish story plotting and characterization.... But, again, I have my doubts about your own story...
Spends a long comment on another story... takes the cake for idocy!! This story was average and the over the top was not made up by the quck ending
This was a well written and enjoyed the way the husband handled himself and thought long and hard on what he would do. They have alot of scars and issues to work out but this was a nice story which a hopeful ending if they work together and communicate. Thanks for sharing.
why is it in these LW stories the cheating whore wife ALWAYS after being caught or busted by the husband ... always thinks to her self... or says it to her girlfriends ... how much the husband was better looking or had a much bigger cock or was "twice the man you are!..."
but she never manages to think or say these words in all the months
she was whoring around?
It's a sign of your growth as a writer that you are exploring new ideas and a plot that takes a different turn. Anyone can write the same story over and over. Is it unrealistic? perhaps in some ways yes. And yes Harry, you're right; we see those same "meaningless platitudes" often but they're a staple of theses stories. We want to see the guilty party feel ashamed and stupid at what they have thrown away. And if the cheating didn't take place because sober thoughts gained control what would we have to read?
Unreal, I can't believe it myself.
Please have it about the wife doing all sorts of things trying to get in the husbands good books.
If it goes on to sharing, voyeurism (watching her with another guy), gang-bangs or the like, that would be a contradiction to the whole premise set out so far.
If it's about things she is willing to let him do to her, this will be a good story
I was loving it until I got to the bit where Jim said he wouldn't divorce her and if she tried to divorce him he would kill her family and Jed's family. The story fell apart from there. First of all, that's probably the dumbest thing any man can tell to any woman. She can still go to the police and have him arrested before he lifts a finger.
I suggest if you're going to write something, try to put down something plausible - something a little believable.
It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.
You gave us such hope in the last paragraphs that they would work it all out. So did you set us all up for a different direction? Clara seems so sincere in making it work. But guilt will do that. How long will she last till it's back to the "it's different" routine. Or will it be with a few people getting "offed" before she really see's the light?
Thanks for writing!
Nicely written story but wrong site to post a love story like that surely ?
We are awaiting Chapter 02. Good story so far. Clara seemed to give up extramarital sex easily. Maybe too easily. Looking forward to the next installment.
Now for Hubbys Revenge. Cant wait to see who he go's out with First.
Someone she knows who has had it bad for her Guy would be the Best Shot at her Cheting Heart.
and if she was Younger and Prettier it would really mess with her Senses.
Cant wat for Chapter #2
Nice story . Its diffirent. Dont give up half way try to complete it would live to read the rest
Increasingly LW authors are being more realistic about the treatment of "love" in their stories. In the past so many have the males protest how much they still "love" their mates even after being abused for a long time and to extremes. It's also refreshing to see your discussion of what "love" was and wasn't when the hubby confronted the wife. It makes the story much more believable and enjoyable than a sappy self-pitying male whimpering after the woman in the story.
So where is the Follow-Up.
do they make it or does she get Stupid again and he Goes out with a Friend of Hers.
This was an excellent lead in. It's almost 9 months old. Many of us are looking forward to Chapter 2 and possibly Chapter 3.
That's it. In fact, it is so bad that RC can't stand to write Part two. Now that's bad.
This is Rob Conner, in his stories the wife could do the world biggest gangbang and he would find away to keep them together.........lol
WHILE YOUR STORIES AND SUBMISSIONS ARE ABOVE ADEQUATE, THE ENDINGS,ARE WITHOUT CLOSURE, AND LEAVING ROOM FOR UNRESOLVED ISSUES, LIKE IN 03, 05, AND 06 STORIES WHERE YOU STATED MORE TO FOLLOW, WE/SOME ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS OR EPILOGS. THANK YOU, MLJ LV NV P/S YOU DO HAVE TALENT AND I HOPE YOU DO CONTINUE AND WILL PUT SOME TYPE OF CLOSURE ON YOUR STORIES WHERE AND WHEN NEEDED.
Wuss Ass Castrated Cuckold. You women writers really like castrating us guys in your stories!! LOL Another story that proves beyond a shadow of a dought that women are only life support systems for their pussies
Make up your mind.
Your protagonist, Jim, is so seriously pissed-off that he's willing to threaten the lives of not only only his wife's family, but that of her lover as well and then to lay down a set of conditions for cohabitation which are designed solely to punish her...only to then reconcile at the end after one day and a dinner?
Your story-telling needs a LOT of work, I think. If you can't design something that's plausible, there's a category that you can submit your work in - it's called "Sci-Fi & Fantasy". Anything outside that category should have some continuity to it, should be able to be consistent and follow from one step to the next and the next - a logical progression, if you will. Sadly, this one doesn't come close to conforming to that tenet.
If you want them back together at the end, that's your prerogative; you're the author, after all! But make the effort to give the people who read your work some basis for this to happen. From loathing to reconciliation takes work, no matter who you are...and writing about it takes every bit as much work, since you (as the author) are the one who has to come up with the reason(s) for this to work out the way you write it.
"...and they lived happily ever-after," only works in fairy tales. Discovering it was all a dream was a one-off that only the television show "Dallas" could have tried - and that was in the 80's!
So please, on behalf of every poor soul who's managed to suffer their way through this: put some effort into fleshing-out your stories. Give the folks you're allegedly writing for something to make your leaps of logic believable. Suspension of Disbelief is a requirement for fiction; work on it.
HEY RC, ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR, WHAT HAPPENED TO PART 2. THIS MAY TURN OUT TO BE A GOOD STORY, PART 1 WAS AND LEAVES A LOT OF ROOM AND MANY TURNS TO THE END. TK U MLJ LV NV
Looking for part 2. I hope you don't let the smack from some of the comments below stop you from putting out the next installment.
But will you ever make a second chapter? It had a nice start and surprising story line. I am just wondering if they can actually make a come-back work...I do hope so because I have all ways loved happy endings.
Actually, I think this is a good place to end the story. We can use our own imaginations about how the marriage continued.
The cheating whore gave up her job and her lover. Jim should make his "other arrangements" to shove it up her ass. Will we ever know?
HA
So when will he get Revenge on Jed and what will he do to make Wifey regret her actions Like doing a younger girl or a Friend of hers.
Your story had all sorts of potential, and could have gone in any direction you might have wanted. However, I have to voice my displeasure with how you got from Point A to Point B - specifically, that you really didn't put any effort into developing the story line so that the reconciliation at the end actually made sense.
Please keep in mind (though I shouldn't have to tell you this, since you were the one who wrote the story in the first place): your hero has reached such a point that he has decided to go for vengeance, and is going to do so in a singularly-Machiavellian way...he's going to sentence his wife to the hell of a loveless marriage. By any stretch of the imagination, this means that he's written off the relationship, and now has decided that all he really has going for him is revenge. So why on Earth would this change in any way, shape or form? More importantly, why would it be even the slightest bit believable for this change to happen in a matter of the 72 hours between Friday evening and Monday evening?
What makes fiction of any sort readable is the author's ability to get those who read his or her work to suspend their disbelief. You need to create a world in which the characters are going to react and respond in a manner which is consistent with the world around them. You're the author; you get to choose what the particular conditions of that world are...but you had better choose well, because it's when the characters deviate from that world that the entire work falls apart.
...and that is what happened here.
Put some extra effort into explaining what steps Clara continues to take to both change her ways and become the wife she should have been. Explore Jim's conflict as he feels the temptation to give in from his previous stance of vengeance. Relish the opportunities to depict not only the forward progress these two make, but also the setbacks which they encounter. There is plenty of potential here for you to exploit. Just make sure that it gets the reader logically from one point to the next.
it has been almost three years since this one and six and a half since the one before it, never going to see a continuation of this.
Why the fuck would anyone write a story if they dont plan to finish it? It says end of part one at the end, where is part two? What kind of a sadist would do this? Shame on the author.
FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!! FINISH YOUR FUCKING STORIES, THIS IS THE 5TH I HAVE READ THAT SAID END OF PART ONE, DON'T FUCKING WRITE AND SUBMIT A STORY YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF EVER FINISHING!
........forsaking all others is conditional...a spouse must uphold all other vows to merit this....and also acknowledged is, that marriage is viewed as an exclusive and unique intimacy between a husband and wife.....in general this being symbolized as sex...but for purpose should be a defined relationship between the parties so defining themselves as being married..... so he was not wrong in redefining their recognition of intimacy as in name and perception of the(for lack of better term) public and peers
Please never finish your stories to piss him off.
It does have the ability to stand on its own - but a finish would have been nice lolk
He's the all powerful, all seeing Mr. Magic? Divorce the stupid husband and move away. What? He has worldwide connections? Inform the authorities of his threats and see if he really wants to spend the rest of his life in jail. He's blowing hot air.
no my friend, i would call you an idiot.
I did not take the score but feel the 'nay-sayers' who have not made any submission are in the majority.
The negative 'anony-mouses' also seem to be in the majority.
All I can say to all of these so cogent critics that if you know so much get your hands on the keyboard. instead of your selfish parts, and also get off your butts and show us what good you are.
Remember we are reading fantasy.
Inform family and friends, arrange to move or ask for witness protection program and move all family then have him spend a long long time in prison. Since he isn't some wealthy guy that has an endless supply of money the story would be done.
Just not a plausible threat or story.
Divorce would mean admitting failure and also breaking the vows he made before family, friends, his priest and most of all God.
Like God blames the victims of rape, murder, and adultery:"oh you bad soul I'll send you to hell for being a victim!".... err see what i mean,,the vows in marriage last as long as they are not broken by either party, but once they are the victim is free of any vows.PS dont let a priest or whatever tell you different that's them just trying to get more money.
about Once a cheater, Always trust and verify, TK U MLJ LV NV
Maybe god would say that he was released from his vows but Jim's integrity said no way. Just another way to show his character. Good job
A very good means to keep the marriage. now that she's no longer employed there, The Company should be informed of the indescretions and a packet of pics delivered to Jed's wife. with clara's face hidden. with a small note attached stating; "Just to let you know."
This guy wants to paint a picture of him being omnipresent and all powerful. Who does he think he is? Head of the Mafia? Don't make me laugh. Get an attorney. Go to the Police. Get a divorce and get half or more. All done. Anyone gets hurt he goes to jail forever and you get ALL the resources which means he isn't hurting a cockroach from jail. Even for fiction this storyline was garbage. A "1".
that is how I read it, and enjoyed for what it is. 3 stars
"It was becoming boring and she had begun to feel cheap."
DUH? When you have an affair, YOU ARE CHEAP.
He's already messed up badly in my opinion. Do exactly as he started, but never EVER touch her again. Not ever, for any reason. And when she slips, just a hair, make sure someone dies. Force her to live in a loveless marriage until she dies, which preferably, will be by her own hand.
in the same house (At least until he is ready to do something else.). But I can't understand why he would want her to sleep in the same bed. He should enjoy an open marriage, irrespective of what she decides to do. My former wife and talked about doing that, but I had a better offer elsewhere.
What is he? All seeing and all knowing? She should grab every penney and move far, far away. Hire and attorney before she leaves and leave a deposition about his threats. If anyone in her family is hurt, he's going to jail. And she'll be free. A nice, but implausible story. Besides, why would he want to stay with her anyway? To punish her for cheating? That has to be the stupidest idea yet. Who's he punishing more?
...Good thing you do not write for a living - you would starve...
Wasn't better for this be only 1 part? I don't see the need for part 2...But the writer choosed to say that would be part 2....the question is: where is it?
"I'm going to punish you for the rest of the time that both of us are alive by never ever EVER E.V.E.R. EVER! loving you again... you know, unless maybe you immediately quit your job and dump your lover and fix my meals and just generally behave like a loving wife should... otherwise I mean it, I sure do.........."
"Oh, by the way, don't worry, I will at no point think that you're doing this just to keep me from killing your entire family off because who would think that a person would be sly enough to ACT all loving to save their family? What sense would that make...? Even though you should realistically worry every single day that I'll get hit by a bus, choke on a chicken bone, have a fatal heart attack or countless other legitimate ways of honestly dying before canceling the en masse hits."
Yeah, so she SAYS she knew he had a rough upbringing and is fairly certain he WILL carry through on his promise........ and yet....... she felt safe enough to screw around on him...??
Ok so where the hell is part 2 or are the readers suppose to try and guess what the hell happens. What bothers the fuck out of me is all of you wanna be authors that leave a story like this without an ending. If you didn't have an ending in sight why did you attempt to write the frigging story in the first place. Well if you ever decide to give the readers the second part of this story maybe then I'll give it a rating. Because at this point I would have it somewhere in the neighborhood of a minus 3
When I found out my wife was cheating, I laid down similar rules. I told her she could keep fucking him or do whatever she wanted, but we weren't getting a divorce. We had three little girls that need a good home. I also told her we'd sleep in the same bed because I wasn't sleeping on the couch, although she could if she wanted to. And lastly, I told her never to touch me again. She was in tears and swore she'd break it off. I told her to fuck off and die, I really didn't give a shit.
After the first week, she told me she'd contacted Bill and told him it was over. To that, I answered it was up to her, I didn't give a shit if she fucked an entire football team. She was a whore, nothing else. More tears followed. A week later she was going nuts because I refused to touch her and actually reached out and tried to touch my dick after we'd went to be. I grabbed her hand HARD and told her if she did that again, she better figure out an excuse to tell the hospital, because I was going to cut her fucking hand off if it happened again.
A few weeks or month later, she was almost wild with no intimacy. I'm not talking about sex, more of the touches, hugs and things we'd always done, things all married couples did. So she invited her folks over for dinner and then did her best to crawl all over me to show what a great marriage we had to her parents. Finally, I smiled and excused my wife and I and we went to the kitchen. I explained, if she touched me again, I was going to break her jaw in front of her own parents. She knew I wasn't joking and I wasn't. I would have done it.
Her next affair started at about the 6 month mark. It was funny, it didn't seem to make her any happier. In fact, she was the most unhappy person and I had ever seen. Getting cock wasn't getting her actually loving, just a sperm deposit. Now, I'm lucky. Lucky in that my brother and cousins are police officers and know a lot of people. A call got me a syringe filled with some really nasty stuff, syphilis for sure and I hoped HIV. I waited until she drank too much one night and gave her a little pinprick with it and voila, she was infected!
It turns out she ended up with a bad case of the clap, not HIV. Better yet, she gave it to her boyfriend and he gave it to his wife! They broke up and my wife started going wild again after a few months of no intimacy. I guess the guy across the street was good enough and she infected him. Yep, she went in to the clinic and got it taken care of, but the instant I knew she was fucking someone else, I gave her another little pinprick while she slept.. Infection city! His wife wasn't very happy either, they were both in their 60's.
So far it's been 9 years. I've not touch her and spend little time at home. I have a girlfriend and we're getting serious. My wife? Every time she finds a new boyfriend she comes down with the clap or one time crabs, passing it along to her lover.
God, revenge is awesome!
that this will be any kind of fix-it at all. TK U MLJ LV NV
...but hopefully the end of another "writer" who is just unable to finish what he´d begun. If you cannot end it - do not bother to start.
I agree with EgoTrixi. I am so glad that there is someone else besides myself, that is apparently disgusted with people who seem to have lost the the ability to finish a damn story. like EgoTrixi I have been saying along, if you people, or wanna be authors can't finish a frigging story then don't bother to write one in the first place. Shit, you actually had a pretty good story going here then what you get stupid or something ? one star till you finish this damn story.
After announcing that he was going to kill everyone I think she did one of two things. Took her i-phone down to the police with their recorded conversation and had him sent immediately to jail. Hired a bodyguard while she got a divorce, sold the house, changed her name and moved far away. She then lived happily ever after. Since Jim wasn't James Bond, didn't know a bunch of trained assassins nor did he have the unlimited resources it would have taken to make the arrangements to have everyone killed after he went to prison, she wasn't afraid at all. Making for a better story, she beat Jim to the punch and shot him dead one night in the house after carefully letting people know for weeks that Jim was beating her in retaliation for her affair. She self inflicted the bruises over the weeks and went to the hospital so they had a record of her injuries. That one night while he was beating her, she got his gun and killed him in self defense. One she shot him, she smashed herself into the door jamb and broke her wrist. Then she scraped his fingernails along her arm, getting her skin under his nails. That was all she needed to get a not guilty verdict. All done. Stupid story.
Upper Management gets a set of pictures of Jed. Fired. walks out to his car and ... ends up in the hospital castrated. She finally submits to her husband giving to him that which she had denied him in the past. It took time. but before long, he had her back.
he really went belly up there very quickly. Turned wimp in 3.1 seconds flat. Ruined the story.
Your intro is fairly good but it goes downhill after that. There needs to be more of a middle ground so that we can experience Clara's guilt, pain, and punishment and the reconciliation of the fear of her husband and the fear of losing her marriage. This story had TONS of potential, just gotta round it out. Id recommend reposting as part of a series or at least extending it to a 4 pages or so. There is lots of material here: more info on how the affair started, time spent on the ways in which the husband makes her suffer for her crimes, and how he directs her in earning back his respect. I put emphasis on how he directs her, as (and this is born out of a personal preference) he should become the master in the relationship. If it were me, id strip her down as a person and rebuild her in the proper manner. But you are the author, take it whatever direction you wish; mine was just a suggestion.
If by different you mean none at all. I guess you can call that different. What did this pussy do. Not a fucking thing. 1*
No heart-quickening sense of betrayal. No wrenching pleas for forgiveness. I like your approach and your thinking. Jim's approach was appropriate, and his response to her efforts showed a clear sense of control that will strengthen his approach in this or any future relationship.
One day he threatens to have them killed, the next , he's hugging her. HIGHLY UNLIKELY.
I like it when the people in stories both have self restraint. He got his point across by having all evidence so there could be no back talk and she allowed him to have his way. The conversation wasn't side tracked by her blaming him for doing or not doing something. As far as the threats, no one has friends who Will carry out killing and maiming if something were to happen to them. Just try to find support so you could go to the pharmacy for medication for a dying loved one or you can asked for help when moving, that's when you find out how many friends you really have.!
She knew her husband was bluffing and wouldn't really hurt a fly, so she told her lover about part of the threat to kick him to the curb. She wasn't afraid and using his rationale she hoped she could reverse things. (She did)
To me she was proven correct by his actions when he came home at the end of the next day. I'm optimistic but, she'll find a way around him in the future and do what she wants.
(Poor man writing this is either lucky or just don't understand how smart some women are)
Could be a nice story if you could write it without the next couple of sentences after "If you try to divorce me...", it could be a compelling story. As it is, it's Yet Another LW Story With A Navy Seal. Isn't that fantasy played out? You're a good writer. I'll bet you can come up with something believable enough to engage us folks without Mafia connections.
Maybe I missed it, but where the heck is Part 2?! Part 1 had the start of a good story, but without part 2, it really ain't "All That". I gave it 1 star, that's about all it's worth, unfinished.