All Comments on 'Dig Two Graves Ch. 04'

by winterfoxx

Sort by:
  • 171 Comments
ohioohioabout 14 years ago
Brilliantly done

Very powerful, very well-written and absorbing. The story lives up to the adage contained in its title, as you remind us at the ending. I'll look forward to the epilog--but most of all, I hope you'll be writing more stories for us to enjoy. Thanks, ohio

lisastpaullisastpaulabout 14 years ago
Digging two graves

My momma always told me "When you dig a ditch you better dig two" This is a great examlpe. This is great story. I have no words. All that for some coochie. Nobody and I mean NOBODYS coochie is that good. "HANDCLAP, HANDCLAP"

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Interesting but .... un-believable that a DA is going to get away with assualt?

A fair story author but you really need to have "plausibility" in your tale - there are some many plot holes, it is distracting to read and immensely discredits your efforts! The basic build up of how educated & intelligent the main characters are supposed to be is completely thrown under the bus wheels with these "180 degree" of character turnarounds. Unfortunately the whole story features characters that are wimps, vengeful slut wife and brain dead company executives and want to be lawyers. Your first submission is a learning curve, so read between the lines so your next effort will reflect something you can take real credit for because this one is just a long-drawn out "JPB" facsimile [of JPB is famous for his wimp male characters also but we digress].

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
excellent

This is without a doubtthe best story that I have read on Literoca. And, I might add that I am a college professor of English.

lokiloslokilosabout 14 years ago
Incredible

When I read the first 2 chapters, I was ready to give up on the story since they were so short and so lacking in progress. But the potential was there for more, so I held off and waited until you posted 2 more chapters before I read more. I saw the note at the beginning of Chapter 3 and can understand the mistake. I'm also glad I stuck around. This has to be one of the best stories of this type I've ever read. You pulled on so many emotions I needed to take a break between Chapters 3 and 4. The way you resolved it so quickly but believably is a credit to you. Thank you for providing such a powerful story to everyone.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Curious

I see no remorse from the wife and no real resolution from the situation, yes she is getting divorced but where is the real pain, Susie feels some discomfort but she continues to sleep with Schmidt you need a scorched earth approach, fry this bitch,

Big Bopper

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
What a story!!!!!!!1

You my friend really know how to put a story together. I thank you for a damn good read. "THANK YOU AGAIN"

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Superb!

he story was superb. This is a story that I would give a 5 for many times.

Simple49erSimple49erabout 14 years ago
You made

a great leap with these last 2 chapters. I greatly enjoyed them. And while I like how brought the plot to its climax, I am going to admitt that it feel incomplete. Jake gets the last word and yet, I would like to have heard how such a supposedly intelligent woman - and even her lawyer - could have made such OBVIOUS mistakes as Bill points out. I guess I am hoping that epilgoue you mentioned will include not only Jake basking somewhere with someone who can love him - maybe a beach in Maui - but also his broken wife explaining how she had become so bi-polar and stupid. Thank you for your effort.

CatytheghostCatytheghostabout 14 years ago
Great!

This has been one of the finer stories posted keep up the good work other than a few editing errors well done. Also ignore the ones who only are looking for sex scenes every paragraph.

Caty

CatytheghostCatytheghostabout 14 years ago
story content

Some one asked if a DA could get away with a crime the one who beat the main character was a lawyer not a ADA .I know a DA who has done federal jail time for crimes committed while in office so yes even they can be courrupt.Its odd soon after his relase a sheriff and a judge bit the dust but did not go to jail like he did.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Write an epilog to the story

Write an epilog for the story stating what had happend after the final confrontation. You know like what happend to Susie, Schmidt and Hackney.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
I am now absolutely convinced

This is one of the most idiotic Lit stories I have ever read. The idiotic stupidity is just astoundingly mind boggling! And you actually have idiots praising this as one of the best? LOL It takes two very capable lawyers, numerous experts of the various kinds, 10 plus years, a court, the police, Susie, Schmit, and hundreds of court as well as corporate man hours to "prove" to Susie that while her mouth and pussie were being dumped on in quantities of fluid, her lover was setting her up for some "gang bang"? Dear author, you have gotta be kidding? Seriously, how old are you?

++++++++++++++++++++++

"I first learned of this Tuesday night. Each morning that I have sat here this week trying to get my wife to see that all of these charges were false, she was laughing at me with the knowledge that her mouth, pussy and even ass were full of Schmidt's cum." I look over at Bill and nod. Bill reaches into his trusty portfolio and brings out a cassette tape.

"This is a copy. It's a recording of Schmidt making a phone call from my bedroom on Tuesday night. I'll let you two listen to it on your own time but the gist of it is that Schmidt has made plans for having you gangbanged this weekend. Of course if you still want to do that I suppose you could give him a call."

I look at Susie. Tears are rolling down her cheeks. For the first time since I've known her the tears elicit no feelings within me.

Addressing Susie I say, "Were you crying yesterday because his cum was inside you even as you listened to how he setup this entire thing?"

I sigh. I've inflicted enough damage for one day. Bill and I should have left then, but I couldn't leave well enough alone. "I have just two more things to say to you Susie. First, you need to get yourself tested. Schmidt fucks anything that walks. Second, I will always love you, but I can no longer be with you. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't understand how you could have so easily believed I was cheating on you. I don't understand how you could have betrayed me like you did. I don't understand how you turned so vicious. I don't understand how you could continue to see Schmidt even after you had to suspect that I might not have cheated. Do you really have that much vengeance in your heart? Several nights ago I sat in my hotel room thinking about all the questions that needed answers. I still have so many questions but I no longer care about the answers. I think I finally understand that old saying now ... the one that says, "before you embark on a journey of vengeance, dig two graves". Susie, you've buried both of us."

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
excellent...but

ONe of the things that made this story soo interesting was the unraveling of the details. He goes to Houston and gets info from his PA about the document and the tatoo, but I don't see anywhere where he shares it doing the night when he, Bud and Bill are together. Yet, Bill knows the next day.

However, after that quibble, I will say I really enjoyed this story. I look forward to the epilogue and other new stories.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Excelent story

This story is the best I have read on this site. I do believe that there needs to be one more chapter to tie up loose ends in the main character's life. Schmidt needs to go to jail, he is a danger to society. As a writer myself, though nothing erotic, I appreciate your style, clarity and imagination. Please write one more chapter and I hope more stories.

muirmadramuirmadraabout 14 years ago
Unfinished work

Your writing skills are very good. The story was good, a little frustrating at times, but good. However, this story is far from finished. Now, we need her side and how she handles the truth.

woodmanonewoodmanoneabout 14 years ago
Well done.

Finally we near the end. I hope the last chapter comes soon. I'm a little sad that Susan turned into a slut for Schmidt. I had hoped for a happy ending but I can't fault your story. Thanks for you hard work and hurry with the end please.

zed0zed0about 14 years ago
GREAT STORY

Don't ruin it by having him wimp out in the epilogue, otherwise Schmidt would be correct in his wimp assessment of Jake.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
I have not the words to . . .

describe my thoughts about this entire story. So juvenile it musta been written by that self professed prof of Inglis.

C_frommnC_frommnabout 14 years ago
dig two graves". Susie, you've buried both of us."

Loved this story and for her Susie to finally see herself as she really allower herself to Fall So Easily. like Schmidt 2 assholes witing to Follow each other.

fregenfregenabout 14 years ago
Great

You have managed to really wind me up with this story. I really feel for Jake. It's a mess but with what he knows I do not think there is any going back. Suzie's immediate and vicious reaction to the "proof" makes me wonder if she was not part of the set up.

Thanks for sharing.

bruce22bruce22about 14 years ago
Very interesting and enjoyable read......

It certainly could make a reader decide that the world needs some more graves for the characters here. The degree of corruption was impressive.

But what is amazing is Susie's lack of any self-respect. The initial revenge fuck was bad enough but the physical damage was excessive though understandable. But then to spend time with the slob every other night is little too much. She should remove all the mirrors from her house.

<P>

It was a great read and I hope that the author will supply us with many other works in the future....

dave_magicdave_magicabout 14 years ago
" I wish only to share"

Reading the story that had a plot that was both hard to understand then again hard to unravel, BUT the author used his writing skills and knowledge of human behavior to sum it all into an excellent format for communication and discovery.

For those who submit negative comments, I feel they should look at what talents they could communicate, if they can, and understand this forum provides the reader a place to step away from everyday life and enjoy the talent of others.

All though this writer is new, and it was an exercise in learning, this was excellent story and look forward to many more from this talented new author.

jasonnhjasonnhabout 14 years ago
Susie gets away with it

I'll be looking forward to the epilogue but at this point Susie has gotten away with her behavior. Yeah, he's divorcing her, big deal. She was all ready to get rid of him anyway. That's not a punishment. For her to have assaulted him as she did and face no consequence is very unsatisfactory. At this point we have nothing of Susie's feelings about this. She has obviously realized she was fooled and her actions were bad but we have no sense of her personal sense of responsibility. She could be thinking she was justified given the evidence she had. We have no sense of remorse or personal suffering on her part. I also worry about an ADA who has so little concern for the law.

<br>Also, a lot more needs to be done about Schmidt. He punched him out. OK, satisfactory. He was fired. Good, but as he said there are jobs all over the place. His main goal was to get Susie and he did exactly that. I have to think there were huge criminal issues that he needs to be held accountable for as well. Hopefully this shows up in the epilogue.

<br>So he got six million but he lost his job. Why didn't they just reinstate him? He had done nothing wrong. Maybe he doesn't want to remain there, a reasonable attitude. But this feels like he lost even after he proven himself innocent. Maybe he needs to get an amazing job offer from another company. I guess I feel he ended up a loser. It disturbs my sense of fairness.

<br>I really liked the overall story. The uncovering of all the evidence was a little drawn out and perhaps to dramatic, causing it to be drawn out even more. I think the pace of the story could have been picked up a bit. I kept thinking "Are we there yet?". The characters seemed realistic and generally true to their established character. Conversations seemed well written and not stilted.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
emotional

Great! well written characters, and the CIS type gathering of evidence. thank you!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Excellent!

This has been an excellent submission, especially given it's the author's first story here. My only quibble is that there were lots of typos and minor errors. I hope the author uses a proofreader or two for future stories.

I'm glad to hear there will be an epilogue, because this really needs one. As the author says he hasn't written it yet, I hope he includes something about the following points:

1) We need to see more emotional remorse and suffering on the part of the wife. What she did was so evil, so over the top, that it seems like she gets off very lightly. She needs serious psychiatric help. And with the way she was breaking laws right and left, she shouldn't stay in the legal profession. She should quit and get some kind of altruistic job as an attempt to help overcome her guilt. If I have one critique of the story, it's that we see virtually no emotion from the wife, except for relentless vengeance seeking. She's been like that cop cyborg from Terminator 2. It would be great if the epilogue could show that although she acted like a monster, she is actually human. Perhaps the epilogue could even be from her point of view, so we could really get a look into her psyche.

2) We need to understand why her reaction was so over the top. It was hinted in chapter 3 that she has some secret history that makes her react so extremely to cheating. That should be followed up - maybe some issues with her father? It doesn't excuse her over mean the husband should get back with her (god, no!), but it would make her behavior at least a little more explicable.

3) Schmidt needs to suffer more. A lot more. Right now, he's right, he did pretty much get away with it. The door was left open to legal action against him, so let's see that happen. One thing that seems very logical to me is that the wife will turn on him and make his life a living hell. It's been said that her nature is to go balls to the wall in attacking aggressively, so now that she finds out she's been tricked by Schmidt, it seems inevitable that she'll turn all her rage against him. I think it would be fitting if she doesn't let him know that she's learned the truth, and wants to have more sex with him. Then, she ties him up and makes him suffer something even worse than what she did to her husband, only she leaves him with permanent physical damage to his genitals that leaves him unable to continue his pussyhound ways. It would be cruel, but poetic justice.

4) Ditto with his female co-conspirator. What was her deal, anyway? Why did she take part? What was in it for her? Didn't see foresee that it was just a matter of time before the plot was exposed (for instance, the ex-secretary was unlikely to stay hidden for long)?

5) We should see more fallout from the company. It wasn't just Schmidt plus one. Other heads should roll, for incompetence and bias, if not outright conspiracy.

6) We should see the husband pick up the pieces of his life. His future should most definitely NOT include the wife in it, except maybe for idle curiosity to see if she's working on overcoming her demons. But that bridge was burned so thoroughly, there can be no chance of any reconciliation. In keeping with the "dig two graves" theme, we should see that things won't be that easy for him. No matter how much revenge he gets, he still will have deep emotional scars. I could see him being very wary of any new ties for a long time to come.

7) How did Schmidt know this scheme of his would work? One neat theory: maybe he heard about the wife's extreme reaction in the case of her previous ex, and from that he knew she'd fly into a jealous rage, and based his scheme around that.

In conclusion, good story, and I hope the epilogue will propel this to an all-time great story.

SeuratSeuratabout 14 years ago
Nicely done, and few other comments

Nicely put together piece of work, especially for a first time poster. While there were a few problems in the plotline in the first two sections, you took comments to heart and did your best to rectify the situation(s).

You should contact an editor (or another writer) to help with some distracting grammatical errors, but they weren't so bad that you should be lambasted. No writer is perfect, but making those corrections would help the read a bit.

Overall, an enjoyable read, and I would agree with others that an epilogue which wraps up the consequences for the lawyer and HR person is truly needed (and knowing this crowd, they should be pretty harsh in order to make people happy) and a resolution to the couples future is mandatory.

Just kidding on the mandatory part; it would be nice, though.

Perhaps two epilogues, one from his position detailing what happens to his life after that final meeting, and then a second from her point of view, detailing how she was duped into doing what she did, what the revelation did to her, and how her life was changed (and possibly ruined) because of her actions. Personally, I would prefer if it were the wife that had the final retribution on the plotters, but that's me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
not Hildy

this started out as a Hildy tribute but you made it new and GREAT. Well written

HarddaysknightHarddaysknightabout 14 years ago
This was an extremely interesting read.

There were more than a few things that seemed a bit unrealistic, but the big picture made it all acceptable. It was really fun to read. If the wife had behaved a tad bit more normally and not slept with the enemy after that Friday night, it would have been more realistic to me. Be careful to not paint the cheating wife too darkly. It makes it all more believable. Thanks for the great read!

Vulcan_in_OhioVulcan_in_Ohioabout 14 years ago
Excellent story, just a little rough around the edges.

I really enjoyed this and must admit I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chapter. Aside from a few grammatical errors and typos, the writing was nearly perfect and the story flowed smoothly and logically. There were a few plot holes as others have intimated.

Firstly, when Jake went to meet with Heidi and got her affidavit notarized by Janine, there should have been disinterested witnesses. I am not a lawyer and certainly don't know Texas law, but all such documents I've seen have space for signatures by witnesses. Otherwise, since Janine works as a paralegal for Bill, Jake's attorney, her notarization could be impugned.

Secondly, Susie and her new lover Schmidt were fucking in Jake's home Tuesday night, yet earlier in the day Jake and Bill presented Vicky and Susie with a lot of their plans for countering the "evidence." I'm surprised that Susie had not related these arguments to Schmidt, who would have concocted a much better strategy for Wednesday's confrontational meeting (i.e., the dismissal hearing at which he was smirking and grinning).

Thirdly, Jake would barely be able to walk after having a severe testicular injury as described on Friday night. This would not be much better or less tender by Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. He never could have physically fought back against Schmidt, in fact, he never could have gotten on a plane to Houston to meet with Heidi. He would have been laid up for at least a week, maybe two, maybe longer. Trust me on this one, I know what I'm talking about.

Lastly, Susie should have at the very least been charged with domestic battery after Jake's hospitalization, not to mention kidnapping/unlawful restraint, and probably other charges. He should have (and in a real world, would have) talked to the police. If he had been honest (I realize the idea of a lawyer being honest is a little humorous), then a swab of the fluids on his face (consisting of Susie's and Schmidt's sexual excretions) could have been saved for evidence, DNA testing, etc. The police might have arrested her as the assaulting marital partner. Her career as an assistant district attorney would have been over, at the very least, and she really should suffer much worse than that.

Jake is really quite a wimp, and physically fighting back a little after Schmidt's assault does not negate this. His constant thoughts of love for Susie after what she did to him, his delusion that he can get back together with her (maybe with counseling) once she understands he never cheated, his settlement with his law firm while relinquishing his job, agreement to not compete for two years and not file charges in court -- essentially letting them off the hook -- well, I think all his actions have been wimpish despite the ending.

As partner of that firm, his earnings would have been huge, on the order of millions of dollars per year, so a six million settlement (of which Bill, his attorney, gets one third), amounts to nothing much. And the criminal behavior of the lawyers who fucked him over -- what punishment do they suffer?

I agree with others who point out that Susie receives no punishment at all for what are truly deep acts of betrayal and yes, criminal acts as well. No woman who really loves her man would behave as Susie did. Even in the movie "Disclosure," with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore, Michael's wife (also an attorney, interestingly) tries to give him the benefit of the doubt. So Susie suffers from deep psychological problems and is not fit to be an ADA, maybe not an attorney and officer of the court (I won't put in more lawyer jokes -- it could get me sued). Despite all of this, the story was terrific and a superb first start for this author. Winterfoxx, are you an attorney?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Very Good

Also realistic, distruction everywhere, job, marriage, friendships all destroyed. After what happened it was belivable, but even with the money I wouldn't have been done with Schmidt, but I'll wait for the end. Thanks for a great story, even if it had a sad ending.

FireFox59FireFox59about 14 years ago
Outstanding

One of the best stories post here in a while. THANKS!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
GREAT WRITING

BEST story that I've read in some time! You could easily do straight writing, if you aren't already doing so. I too, am looking forward to Epilog, as well as future offerings. Best wishes. drmike

bobby9909bobby9909about 14 years ago
FANTASTIC!

Thank you so, so much for your efforts. This was a really good read and I can tell from the comments and the voting I am not alone in my opinion. Please keep it up and send us some more!!!

jmikeyjmikeyabout 14 years ago
Outstanding!

I agree with Ohio, Woodmanone, and Harddaysnight (three of the best).

Vicarious thoughts. Susan could not be that bad. Schmidt needs more punishment. Hinkley needs a bit of punishment.

As a reader for enjoyment, you have done a superb job of providing just that. As a reader who enjoys happy endings, it appears to be to late (perhaps two endings?)

Congrats on a job well done and more.

DrallDrallabout 14 years ago
Five Stars!

Stories don't come any better than this one. Thank you so much!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Couple of flaws but enjoyed it

1) Why would someone who is not a lawyer (Schmidt - he's in HR, not a lawyer) be competing against a lawyer for a partnership?

2) Supposedly his partnership was in the bag before this, and he's going to settle for a six million dollar settlement? The settlement should have been much higher to compensate him for his potential earnings as a partner.

3) He was afraid to get the police involved initially because his wife was an ADA? Report it to the FBI or the press - in any event if someone in her office was accused of something any investigation and prosecution would be done by an uninvolved party to avoid any impropriety.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Excellent

One of the best stories I have read in this section,reminds me LONGHORN__07's Obsession,the power of the emotions captured by the pen of the writer.

One of the best writers,should be held among the best like K.K.,theTroubador,Harddaysknight,rpsuch,LONGHORN__07,

ARGEE, Blue88, and so many others.

The strong points in the story is not the technical details but the strong feelings that is generating to the readers,and the great responce from the audience!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
great story

love it, she no more care for her husband then she did at finding the truth, some people are just evil.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Turn pro

Man, alive, this was a good story, well told. My advice to you is sit back down at your keyboard, and write a novel. Then engage a couple of editor/fact-checkers (Just like Ken Follett, Robert Ludlum, et. al.) Then, with the proper presentation to publishers, you'll be on the NYT Best Sellers List.

cloacascloacasabout 14 years ago
If you want to write and I think you do then read this

You can write but you totally fail on rigor. Others have pointed out that a marketing exec and law firm partner and HR executive and all that doesn't make sense, but the essence of your story is a plotted procedural drama in which evidence is discovered and analyzed. You did some of that well but, really, you have the entire thing hang on the location of an individual who isn't hard to find, especially when your main character is a man of means and contacts and who, conveniently of course, knows a top detective. How exactly is anyone going to get away with that?

You might say, "But the idea is he was after the wife." Fine. Then why do the entire plot? Show the wife some pictures and cause a divorce. You wouldn't need the secretary at all.

You put together two separate ideas and never brought them together. Why exactly would an HR director get involved in a plot that would very possibly land her in prison? She barely appears but she's the crucial actor. Why?

Why make the wife a prosecutor? She knowingly commits felonies and, I'm happy to say, prosecutors actually think pretty damned hard before committing major felonies. She could have fucked the other guy and had pictures taken or just said she did or whatever but she committed grievous bodily harm, which is mayhem, which is aggravated assault, together with false imprisonment and that technically is kidnapping. She'd lose her license and would most likely serve actual time in prison. Why have a character act so much against character? If she's the world's worst prosecutor, then maybe that's in character but she's not supposed to be.

You need to sit down with a large piece of paper and draw out your plot, if this is the kind of story you're drawn to. You got detail parts right but you glided past or didn't see the big holes. Writing this kind of procedural is tough because you have to make the connections less and less obvious, either by hiding them or by hiding motives.

Again, you might say that everything was supposed to happen quickly and that excuses the secretary being so available but what about criminal charges? What about a civil suit? Indeed, if you'd really thought about it, a better story might have been that he's forced to accept things and then strikes back over time. You do realize that an agreement enabled by fraud is invalid, that any settlement is invalid and that he'd have their balls in a vise with the evidence he collected?

Writing takes rigor. You have writing skills but you need to beat yourself up, over and over and over, until the plot genuinely works.

BTW, if you did that you likely wouldn't have relied on the old cliché ending of her being with the asshole time and again. Why would she? Didn't she realize they'd seriously hurt the hero when they were at the hospital? How does that make a connection to the bad guy? You barely sketched her character but that is out of character for a career woman, let alone a prosecutor.

cloacascloacasabout 14 years ago
BTW

In the earlier comment, I meant that he was imprisoned but then he was transported against his will and that is kidnapping.

gatorhermitgatorhermitabout 14 years ago
Thought provoking story, but...

I don't see why there's no jail time coming. Even with the non-disclosure agreements there's enough evidence for all kinds of charges to be brought against the perps. It seems from the start that Jake was acting to <i>prevent</i> the possibility of criminal charges being filed, which to me doesn't make sense. Schmidt belongs in jail (and so does Susie).

cageyteecageyteeabout 14 years ago
This story held my interest and excitement to the very bitter end!

It has characters that made the story connect and made it a believable fantasy. Sure Suzie's reaction was a little over the top but we were told she was both jealous and impulsive and besides, at least one of our central characters has to have a flaw or there wouldn't be much of a story. Your "secret weapon" topped it all off for me. To read a piece presented with appropriate use of the "Queen's English" added, for me, a great deal of enjoyment to the read. As I mentioned once before, I'm looking forward to the epilog and to a great many stories yet to be posted by you.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
You started off w/ a home run!

Thanks for a fun story. I note that others have pointed out many of the relatively minor inconsistencies I also saw. I would add a few minor issues I didn’t see covered yet.

Most travelers deadbolt their door at night and use the security latch, it becomes a habit, even if you are drunk or drugged. When Schmidt came w/ the tart, he should have had to jimmy the door.

The biggest problem I had while reading the story was how shabby the evidence was against him. I can’t understand why a bunch of attorneys in a firm would act so precipitously against a previously outstanding employee, especially with such weak evidence. Susan was an ADA. She basically wallowed in crap daily. Her so-called experts verified the pictures. What experts and how could she have done this (it takes cognitive thought) then acted so stupidly, all within 24 hours? Why didn’t they see the same things? These were juvenile mistakes. I should say that I worked with attorneys for years; you’ve never seen such a jaded group of people. Their first reaction is to look for all the problems. Susan, as an attorney, would have first demanded to speak with Heidi. She not only would want the pictures authenticated but also verified that they were not staged. I could see her trashing him with such evidence in a fit of rage, but why act so stupidly? You haven’t answered this one yet.

BTW, it is actually pretty easy to fudge film; I used to do it for fun as a college student.

Anyway, in your conclusion you might mention that Schmidt could not get a corporate job b/c of his poor reference. I do not know why the police were not called in after their altercation in the conference room. The corporation would have, to protect itself there. Schmidt was supposedly very smart. He had to have known that his charade would only last a few weeks at best. He either needs some fall back position he was taking anyway, or you need to have him in a mental hospital with delusions of grandeur.

Another small quibble has to do with Jake shooting off his mouth all the time. He is supposed to be up for a partnership, yet he still hasn't learned how to shut his mouth?

As for Susan, you might want to enlarge on why she so overreacted. We know from Jakes POV how much he loved her. Did she really love him back? I once heard an old woman who had been married twice say, "I have totally loved one man and been totally loved by one." It makes more sense that she didn't love him but saw him as her chattel for her to act in such a manner.

Lastly, I don't understand is why the firm did not rescind it's termination of Jake and just offer him compensation and the partnership. I'm not losing any sleep over these, but hope that they help you with your next story. You write very well. Thanks again, Ttom.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Great

I thought it was great. Not going to sit here and pick it to death like some love to. Guess some can find something wrong with every story they read. But I enjoyed, thought it was well written. THANKS

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
thank god...

you didnt have him get back together with susiw. although im pretty pissed that you even considered jake getting back together after what she did to him. this definitely was written differently than most of the stories hear, meaning it seemed relatively realistic. i sincerely hope that in your epilogue, jake doesnt get back together or be friends with susie and maybe he can find someone who actually loves and trusts him. and susies hypocrisy was almost funny, i mean she hated cheating so much that not only did she tie up her loving husband but she nearly ripped off his tesicles (and in case anyone is wondering testicle tortion can be deadly if not treated immediately/properly) but she fucked smindt or whatever for several days in some twisted sense of revenge. yea, i can see how she had the moral ground, because everything she did had to be right, right? personally, even though this is just a story, i hope susie lives a terrible life and finds no happiness.

thebulletthebulletabout 14 years ago
What cloacas said...

<p>for those of us who like to read a mystery, a big obvious hole is a major turn-off. This story is interlaced with behaviors and events that make the reader open his mouth and mutter: "WTF???" </p>

<p>This is a first-time writer and his work is readable, but sometimes infuriating. It's all a learning experience, I expect. And starting with a mystery is a challenge. As Cloacas and some others have pointed out some of the weaknesses in the plot and characters, hopefully the author will take those criticisms to heart. </p>

<p>A good first effort for a writer who can only grow. One minor criticism of my own: If I were in a life and death situation and what my former secretary had to say was critical to how the rest of my life was to go, I would under no circumstances be distracted by another woman in the room trying to give me a beaver shot. This guy must be the world's greatest mult-tasker if he can be worrying about his very future the same time he is being a horn dog.</p>

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Tiny bit more confrontation...

Great story... I realize that the Hero is an officer of the court and all this went along and came to a very civilized conclusion.

I think that it should have taken a small step into a darker realm. Mr. Schmidt (Villian) should have been made to disappear permanently.

That would have been a very satisfactory conclusion. Just my twisted sense of justice.

Keep writing. You do it well. I like the way the tension builds. Good one...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Worthy Retribution

I found your story to be well researched and factual. The story line was very well constructed leading your reader on expecting further developments. I do not think you are finished yet. There could be the fall out for the wife and the future possibilities for the husband and hopefully a good ending for the husband. Give it some thought.

Donald W. Carter

retrac31@yahoo.com

roadbirdroadbirdabout 14 years ago
a great story

yes as others say it had some belieability problems...but to pick something apart well i took what i was reading and applied the ok i cant do better thing and i liked how it went along....she was to over the top and he was to forgiving for me at the start ...how would you even consider going back with her....this story does need a final chapter just to show what happened to all the ones who tried to set him up and the ones who rushed judgement and the ending to see what happened to all the ones that made very bad decisions (ie) his wife mr schmidt all the board members that had to pay out 6 million dollars....ms hinchley the prostitute ...what are all the ramifications to them ...tell us what they lost ...what they feel after

JimSensesJimSensesabout 14 years ago
Needs the epilogue

I really loved what you did with the story but it needs more as some pointed out. There are loose ends. For instance, Susie, Schmidt and Hackney literally got away with comitting a crime. Sure two got fired but Schmidt got away with at least an assault, forgery, alienation of affection, and several other things. In the story the husband told him this is not over for you. I would like to see something come out of that. He has the money to ruin the guy. The ex has real issues but she is an ADA and I would like to see the divorce really be for adultery and that news come out. For the torture or crime she committed against him it is the least that can be done. Or at least someone bringing up the assault to her boss. And the HR person needs some dealing with too. What she did was so illegal that there needs to be consequences. And it doesn't have to be hin that accidently lets all this information slip out. His lawyer is an officer of the court and should report this because he is probably not bound by the non-disclosure. Same for the investigator who seems to have some interesting ties.

Excellent job.

JennyBearJennyBearabout 14 years ago
Excellent very well done!

I enjoyed your writing immensely. I'm sure you put a considerable amount of time and research into it. <P>

Schmidt and Susie were two despicable characters and got a little OTT at the end and effectively shut the door on any possible reconcilation in your epilogue but then I've been fooled before. I look forward to reading the epilogue. TY for writing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Excelent Story , with few loose ends...

The story grabs your attention right from the begining. Although I strongly agree with "Jimsenses" about the loose ends, Schmidt and Hackney literally comitted a crime... and got away with it??? Is it fair that an ADA comes out scot free after restraining and assaulting her husband conspiring with her "lover" resulting in body damage?. Yes I think it's important and necesary to finalize this so very good series with an epilog taking care of all these details, with your excelent writing style. Congratulations.

Zitro13

blackdragonblackdragonabout 14 years ago
One of the best sories

I read in a while. It really managed to grab attention and to keep it. But I also share the opinion that a sequel would be fine.

I´d like to read about what happening to the other people like Schmidt.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Thanks - an excellent tale

Thanks for this submission. The story was very familiar in the beginning, but took surprising turns as you took us along. I enjoyed it immensely. Please hurry the epilog! ikj

librarian_jimlibrarian_jimabout 14 years ago
Hilda would have been smarter.

Even given the stress of dealing with her brother's problems, an admin

smart enough to have been with Jake for as long as she was would have

gotten suspicious. I loved the story, but I've worked with high powered

lawyers for years, and I've never known a "Hilda" who didn't have a sixth

sense when it came to looking out for her bosses interests.

LazylonerLazylonerabout 14 years ago
Needed more thought

Like many of the readers I agree with the assessment that the writing is high quality. Winterfoxx did an excellent job in bringing out the emotions of the characters and drawing pictures of the confrontations and settings.

Unfortunately, while the writing quality is top notch, the plotting has holes so big you can take a semi, turn it sideways and slip it through the holes with plenty of room to spare. They are massive, especially for anyone with any experience with corporate office politics and procedures. Worse, more than a few of them are glaringly obvious.

Perhaps the best example is the confrontation between the hero and Schmidt after he proves to the company that all of the evidence that he harassed Heidi was fraudulent. The company would never have allowed Schmidt to leave that room without an escort and most companies would have been on the phone to the cops the instant the evidence was revealed. Schmidt left that company liable not for the piddling $6 mil that you have the hero receive, but for probably 10-20 times that amount, and the confrontation most likely tripled that. The company would have been immediately seeking to have Schmidt arrested and charged with crimes so they could start building a "he didn't have any authorization to do that" defense.

The settlement was also horribly thought out. The hero was a high powered attorney about to receive a major partnership when he was wrongfully terminated. Standard wrongful termination suits base the minimum payment at annual salary times the difference between the person's age and sixty-five. With your hero appearing to be around 35, that puts the starting figure at about 30 times his expected annual salary with the partnership, and then you can figure that the punitive costs would be triple that. The company was looking at a nine figure settlement, and Bill the lawyer had to know that. He would not have asked for a piddling $10 million.

But issues like this are found all through the story. Others have noted that the HR lady Hinkley has no apparent reason to commit the fraud she does, and obviously she had a lot to lose since her actions will cost her her job and a civil suit at the very least. And you have Schmidt claim that it was all about turning Suzie into a slut, but then why the circus act with the sexual harassment claim at work since that opened him up to a huge new level of hurt and pain as well as multiple criminal charges. Admittedly you have him act like an arrogant fool, but if he's smart enough to compete for the partnership its unlikely that he's that careless about his future career prospects.

And even the settlement makes no sense, the non-compete clause would have been completely unenforcable, and most companies that try to stick them in know that you have to pay more in the settlements if you want to have any chance of that holding up since you are effectively asking the former worker to give up on employment opportunities. With the company already in major trouble due to the multiple felonies commited by two of its executives, they would never try to ask for that. After all, are they really going to sue if the hero does start competing? It would reveal why he left and make the company look petty and vindicitive.

The basic plot was sound, but adding in the mystery and intrigue around the hero's employment ended up being a tangled web that did not make sense. Its a fun story to read, but its a bit hard to suspend all of the disbelief that this could be real once you start asking why.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Thanks

for a really great story,I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.It has nothing to do with the story but has anyone oticed that the commenter that says he is"a professor of English" cannot even spell the name of this site correctly,or punctuate his comments in the right manner!

lancewmlancewmabout 14 years ago
This needs much more than an Epilogue!

The loose ends -- why Susie initially would do such over the top stuff that is out of character for a tough minded ADA and then fuck Schmidt after seeing the evidence falling apart, why Schmidt would ever believe he could get away with his plot when it was so easy to take apart the evidence, and why would Ms Hinckley the HR chief ever participate in this criminal endeavor. You need to pull these together if you want this to end as a great story along with putting together real consequences for the blatant criminal actions of all these people. Many commentators have detailed the holes you need to fill before you are done. You are an outstanding writer. Take advantage of all the great constructive criticism here. You may not be able to write this in only a day or two. Spend the time to get it right. Not too much time - LOL. I want to see your next submission as quickly as everyone else does here. However, I would rather see you do you best to finish this as it can be. You have nicely set up the possibility of a great final chapter if you can pull it off. To end this with only an explanatory Epilogue will leave us with only a limp wimp dick.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
needs an ending

i just need a wrap up in the end, where the wife has to explain in details why she has turned into such a depraved slut, having to describe the nasty things she did with schmidt, now regretting it all but having to face the consequences in her frineds and colleagues turning thier backs to her

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
What a turn around in your writing!

We really enjoyed your turn around. The first two chapter being short and then the writings of a true proffessional. You took some critical write-ins. You can't stop now...the story needs to go on and not leaving everyone guessing what turns out for Jake...Suzie, does she end up on the street corner....Does Jake go to work for Bill's law firm....etc...etc. So....pleasure us with some more of your talented writings.

Deja_twoDeja_twoabout 14 years ago
I like a good story!

I like a good detailed story so hence I liked this one very much. I read ‘Loving Wives’ because of the added drama; sex at my age is neither here nor there. Susie the wife was an interesting smart ADA with a set-them-up shoot-them-down gun tooting attitude. But, like in a lot of stories, she has a character flaw; she goes totally ape-shit when it comes to cheating, even prepared to commit perjury. In Chapter 3 I thought you might be explaining this lapse in an unwise smart make-up when you wrote the sentence: “You both are fucking lying cheating men just like ..."

I assumed this was a hook to perhaps prove that her father had cheated on her mother and that had affected her mentally. I have the Epilogue to look forward to see if you complete the sentence mentioned above.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

Please add revenge in the next chapter. That would make a happy ending in my opinion.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
this ending falls short

THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST WRITTEN STORIES I HAVE EVER READ AT LITEROTICA. IT HAS SOME WEAK POINTS BUT OVERALL GREAT READING IT REALLY HOLDS YOUR INTEREST. SO FAR ONE THING I DONT GET IS WHY THE WIFE GETS OFF SCOTT FREE, I DO NOT KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO BEING TIED DOWN HAVING THEIR BALLS TWISTED,LOSING A TESTICILE,MADE TO EAT CUMM DUMPED AT A HOSPITAL,STILL FUCKING SCMIT ON TUESDAY . NOT FILING CRIMINAL CHARGES , HAVING HER DISBARRED, FIRED, CIVIL SUIT ETC. THE TIME LINES WERE NOT THOUGHT OUT ENOUGH BUT AS I SAID A GREAT STORY.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Good story

I've been following this story, and I'm really liking it quite much!

This chapter was one of the better ones, showing how the house of cards was falling on the conspirators and the slutwife. Now it will need to be shown revenge in the next installment.

Thanks.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
good read

Mostly you did a good job developing your characters and keeping their actions true and believable. However you did fail with the wife, you developed her character somewhat but her actions were not believable. Try showing her POV and let her look at least human!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

Thoroughly enjoyed it!

torchthebitchtorchthebitchabout 14 years ago
Very well done.

Winterfoxx, you have done an excellent job. With a site like this there will always be people who do have more knowledge of some aspects of a story than the writer does, or at least a different perspective. Their comments can sometimes be helpful. Sometimes not. Although some will see holes in your plot that others do not, the object is to use it as a vehicle to tell the story you want. Stick with that: telling your stories. This is a fucking great story, very well told, and you have a lot of talent. And I reckon we'll be ordering your stories off Amazon before too long.

zed0zed0about 14 years ago
Addendum:

Some revenge on the slut wife and her a-Hole BF would be in order. Rather than taker her back he should get both of them convicted for assault, and get slut wife dis-barred. DA's (or ADA's?) should not be allowed to get away with assault even if they think they are getting personal revenge. How about she resigns, shoots her BF then slashes her wrists and dies? Now THAT would be a happy ending!

Tony StrokesTony Strokesabout 14 years ago
Changed opinion

Now this is more like it! This is the kind of reaction I would expect from a man whose wife had been such a back-stabbing bitch to him. I didn't agree with him wanting to still save his marriage after she hospitalized him, and I find it sad that it took the knowledge that she was still sleeping with the asshole before he decided he was through. However, he finally made the decision and honestly, I think it's the best one he's made throughout the story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

this is one the of the best stoties i have read tankhs will be looking to read more

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
well done

excellent story. just a couple of hints for next story. if chapter 1 was to short, the last 2 were way to long. nobody minds long stories but more than 2, 2 and a half or 3 literotica pages are to long.

An erotic story with no erotic scene is not an erotic story, I guess you agree with me, do you? I liked the story eventhogh I thought some parts, like the scene in this chapter, where they presented his innocence, were too long. on the other hand it's absolutely crazy to see you had no place to get back at schmitt for taking him a hostage in his own house or what ever other crime he did. also what was the motivation for the hickley woman ? we only know schmitt did it just for fucking but why did she do it ? I know there is an epilogue but still....

the last thing that was never mentionned is the fact his wife knew schmitt from school. she did not tell him before the events nor after, he had to find out from schmitt himself.

the last thing is her behaviour over all. the story never brought up any hint or idea why she did what she did. not really good if you can't see the motivation not even in the end. character build up in a story would need that.

so thanks for the story but make the next at least a bit erotic. this was everything else.

peteinchicagopeteinchicagoabout 14 years ago
Very Good!!

Excellent story. I liked this story from the beginning, my only complaint being the short chapters, which you resolved. I'm looking forward to the epiloge, and think you should consider

1) showing him getting some revenge on Schmodt and the HR bitch. Civil and even criminal charges would be great. Susie was really the person who assaulted him, but Schmidt was there and could be considered a party. The HR bitch should also be considered an accessory for her role could she not, she was involved in the plot from the beginning. It'd be fun to see those 2 (and even the wife) facing serious civil penalties as well as some jail time.

2) showing how his life ends up, getting another job, maybe hooking up with another (better and more loyal) woman, maybe Hiedi, who seems to have some feelings for him.

In addition to the epilogue, you should consider doing a chapter describing Susie's POV, what had happened in her life to make her so vindictive, her thoughts as she fell into the trap and started to realize that maybe it was a setup as well as finally what happened to her after the divorce.

As I said, the story was great. I hope you continue to write as you seem to have a talent for it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
The Best

This is probably one of the best stories on this site hands down!

PistolpackinpetePistolpackinpeteabout 14 years ago
great read even if....

...it was full of holes.No it is not close to the best on this site, the English prof is talking out of his ass but they tend to. Think out the plot and attenuated characterizations better and you will be a first class story teller.

Poizon69Poizon69about 14 years ago
Good read.

Okay so some of it was a little far fetched. But I enjoyed reading the story. Well done writer you have made a very good start to writing on LIT. Thanks for the story.

DAA08DAA08about 14 years ago
Very good read

Very thoughtful and well written story, the plot twist and characters are very interesting and it is a very good story. I think you did a very good job in writing this story and I hope to see more stories from you. Thanks for posting the story and I really enjoyed reading it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Finally someone knows what the wife did? Only NOW???

This is another perposterous premise piled on more idiotic premies.

why the fuck wouldnt the husband be telling everyone -- including her boss and CNN what she did to him?

Harryin VAHarryin VAabout 14 years ago
The word is WRETCHED.....

so not only has he been multilated ...tortured .. but He goes out of his way NOT to tell anyone what she -- an ADA-- did and no criminal charges have been filed...

meanwhile all the dumb fucks at Lit are saying great story

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Good read

I look forward to your next piece of work.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Slight drop off in Chapter 04

The first three chapters of this story were wonderfully

done--beautiful suspense build up, great mystery fine character definition etc, truly great writing. This chapter lost a little of the excellance present in the first three chapters, primarily because the autor portrayed Jake as such a brain dead idiot who could not keep his mouth shut and allow his lawyer to handle the case. The only time brain dead Jake kept his mouth shut was when the police asked him what happened and he said he could not remember. Why he did not tell them the truth is mystifying. Any intelligent person would have had his wife and her lover arrested for assault and battery.

60 year old George

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
WEIRD!!! ....

The story by itself would not mean a great deal but the revenge story against the loving wife is fascinating for it's popularity. The trainspotter type obsession with the grinding detail of revenge against the errant woman and lover by both the author and the commentators(including the odd trannie) implies that these type of stories are addressing some kind of deep need. Pick this author or others with the revenge obsession in the Loving Wives category. In the key words list note the words revenge or vengence in nearly every story. Amongst all the myriad possibilities why on earth do men feel the need for stories like this? Take a cue from this story and the stories like it. The theme seems to be compensation for feelings of lack of power, lack of maleness, inadequacy and impotence. This need could be fullfilled by a huge variety of fantasies. The choice of loving wives and their lovers as the target to boost the ego of these guys implies some feelings of inadequacy around their relationships with women, perhaps due to a small penis? :-) Violence implied and touted in the stories, "dig two graves" for example seems to say that these guys are VERY angry about something. Presumably this is caused by being humiliated by some female? ...may be their mother? Take a look at the most read stories on Literotica. Right from the top it is incest mostly with Mother but Sister features also and it goes on and on... COME ON GUYS GET OVER IT!!! IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. GO TO A BAR FIND A NICE GIRL. PLENTY OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. MIGHT EVEN FIND A FISH LIKE MUMMY :-) ...was this helpful???

Scorpio44Scorpio44about 14 years ago
Masterful

Well done!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago
Past Tense

Please learn to write in the past tense completely.

Switching from present tense to past tense and back makes no sense.

Please understand that present tense is only ever present in the comments and directions in a script for a play or movie.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Perverted Filth!!!!

This story is all about creating justification for the revenge and a feeling of triumph later in the story for men who are so worthless that they only get off on vengence, instead of sex.

We all know that Literotica is seething with male perverts who don't really like sex or erotica and get off on "revenge", duh! These guys are real wimps who want women to be under control but they don't seem to enjoy women and their sexuality at all. They probably don't have nuts 'cause they don't even enjoy any sexuality, other men, dogs, goats, fresh bread, nuthin'.

These wackos are obsessed with police and the law or torture to full fill or justify their perverted revenge fantasies. It comes up repeatedly in the stories, especially in the loving wives section. Completely wacky! They should be banned from the site!

Shit! ...are these stories voted up by those guys who bond with life like rubber women? ...nah no balls.

What is weird about this story is that it seems to have been manipulated to near the top of the Loving Wives Listing. Cursiously at the time of writing the number of votes cast all time for this story are less than the number of votes cast for it in 12 months. Does one of these perverts work for Literotica and able to manipulate it up the scale?

DeckviewDeckviewover 13 years ago
The foundation for this story is sinking in quicksand!

All of the basic plot elements disappear when looked at closely. Many of your readers seem to shut off all logic when reading this so they could simply enjoy the emotion generated by events.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
How does this silly...extreme... and twisted tale get such high scores?

The wife ... a Member of the Legal Court.... KNOWINGLY and intentionally involves herself in CRIMINAL scheme to steal a lot of money.... .

She then engages in a 2nd CRIMINAL scheme where she assist in the sexual torture and mutilation of her husband...

and wshen she is finally trapped and caught .... nothing happend to her. She gets away with it almost scott free.

and readers thimk this is a GOOD story?

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
MY OPINION

THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST STORIES I HAVE READ ON LITEROTICA, HOWEVER ANY MAN WHO WOULD PUT UP WITH A WIFE AFTER SHE DID WHAT SHE DID TO HIM AND THEN THINK ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER IS NOT A MAN. THIS GUY SHOULD MOVE TO CALIFORNIA WITH THE REST OF THE WIMPS.

MarvinSMarvinSabout 13 years ago
Stop here

This is where the story should stop. I will, however, read the next chapter. I sure hope they don't get back together.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Oh, how wonderfull !

Simply one of the most entertaining stories to date. Thank you !

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
What a pile of shit story.....

Author - please quit writing, this site has more than enough wimp fag want-to-be losers.

RePhilRePhilalmost 13 years ago
Good one

Thanks for a good read. I guess the others were expecting Stephan King! Morons

cladymoorcladymoorover 12 years ago
One of the Best

I look forward to your further writings.

Pride is a luxury a good family man can not afford. His first priority must at all times be to keep his family together and the love and affection flowing between them.

As a young man, I was tough and uncompromising to my everlasting shame and unhappiness.

Cordially,

Cladymoor

count2threecount2threeover 12 years ago
What really got on my nerve in this Story...

was that after all she did to him, he still has the endless patience to practically beg her to please accept the evidence he is lying out in front of her. We are all different but had I to endure what he had I would have completely gone down the deep end and ended a lot of lifes that very day probably including my own but there are just situations were violence is the only viable alternative.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
maybe you better count2four

Violence is the only viable alternative when self-defense is an iron-clad response to all potential civil and criminal claims and against you: had the protagonist in this story all of the sudden started trying to kick ass it would have made zero sense within the existing context of the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
what cloacas said

is the classic example of tea party style linear thinking: a character didn't behave in the way that I would so it doesn't make sense. How does this mindset come about?

Watching FOX and listening to Rush exclusively instead of observing life. Broad generalizations combined with narrow exceptions paint an argument that is seeking to support a preconceived opinion.

"I wouldn't do it that way" is fine but cannot be intelligently used a basis for criticism.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Tea Party?

Gosh another idiot that does not only understand life but also is pre-occupied with politics. Linear thinking and the like. Well you better get back to the TV as you cannot understand the story as it is written. Must be that linear thinking from watching and reading stuff from the communist manifesto. Get a life anonymous. Well written and well though out plot is all I can say. Keep up the work and even a sequel would be nice.

tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
DEATH CAN OCCUR BY MANY MEANS

BETRAYAL, RANKS HIGH ON THE LIST. TK U MLJ LV NV

saratusaratuover 12 years ago

Didn't like it at all...

12
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous