by Arisan_Maru
I can see many directions this can go, you write quite well, cannot wait for the next installment.
I really like where this story is going. Too bad it was so short, hope the next one will be a little longer. Thanks,
I like the story and I'm curious to where it's going to go. I'm not keen on the "ye olde" english though. A lot of the time it didn't really make much sense but the plot is good and I will continue reading if the dialogue improves.
The beginning was eh you know it wasn't good to me. It didn't flow. Try reading it out loud and see if there are any changes you need to make. Although the beginning was wonky the end and middle were very nicely written and it made me want to know more. I like this story keep writing. Just tidy up the beginning and then you're golden. Great Start! I can't wait for more.