All Comments  for

I WILL Have You Ch. 01

bylilbe0©
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Comments (28)
by Anonymous

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by honeybree04/01/10

Has potential... but you need an editor ASAP....so 3 stars

I think this story has a lot of potential to be GREAT because of the plot, setting and the characters and the overall idea and concept is great but this wasn't really a STORY format!!! Because it didn't flowed at all... I think you need to work on this some more because even though it is good, if left me thinking "What the hell did I just read..." I' am interesting in the story but again please work on your format for the next chapter

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by Anonymous04/01/10

I like it.

I'm liking this story so far.
I was afraid that she was going to have sex with him that first day. I'm so glad that she didn't.
This story has the potential to be really great.
Please update soon.

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Keep writing

I agree. This has the potential to be a good story. I just think you need to slow it down a bit, and develop the story some more.

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by Anonymous04/01/10

Do white men really speak like this !!!!!

This story was in youuuuuuuur voice any white man thatI have met does not speak like this ex. this fine ass woman.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT AND PLEASE GET AN EDITOR.

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by PennLady04/01/10

Not bad

This is a decent start, but as others have commented, it moves too fast and there's no way Damien speaks like that. The switching of POVs is interesting but jarring. There was no reason to think Eddie was gay before that comment he made. Also, Chloe was unprofessional in thinking her boss wouldn't want her to have lunch. That was just weird -- the boss asks, she said yes, so yes, they're going to have lunch. Please keep going, though, because it's a good basis.

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by Anonymous04/01/10

IGNORE COMMENTS LIKE THAT BELOW

this is your story and your characters, you write it the way you see it, and i like the way you go between the 2 characters views. don't take long for the next installment please lol.

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by morefunn04/01/10

Really Great Start

Great Start! For a initial submission I like your style. But keep going, and see if you can get a little help editing, but a very nice start. Well done and keep up the good work.

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by Anonymous04/01/10

Good Job

Like others have said please ignore some of the comments, write this story as you see fit. I enjoyed it, and am looking forward to more.

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by Anonymous04/02/10

oooooo

I like it already...Kinda reminds me of another Literotica story "Seven Days". Keep up the good work :D

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by Anonymous04/02/10

First of all...

Your title is fucking hot. Your primary characters are also hot. Your plot line is hot, too. Your pace, grammar, syntax, and inappropriate use of words in ALL CAPS? Not so hot. Get an editor, and you'll be rockin' in no time. I look forward to the next chapter.

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by luv_romance04/02/10

too short

this story is too short but interesting. please hurry on the next chapters please... :)

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by blkbutterfly04/02/10

potential

Your story does have a great deal of potential. It requires some more planning and thought. You have the need for a good editor. Not someone that will just correct the grammatical errors. Someone who will help you develop the story. I still look forward to the next installment.

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by Anonymous04/02/10

I Like It

I like this story, it was just to short. Don't take to long with the next chapter.

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by Anonymous05/22/10

Umm, hurry back!

ITA...this was getting good, love Italian men.

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by Anonymous08/16/10

Slow it done

This story seems a little rushed. Try to flesh out the characters more. Also, consider finding a volunteer editor.

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by mianone10/23/11

funny

It seem comical

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by fluer11/12/12

More Please

I love this story. That fact the Chloe plus size and Damian is so into her in bonus. I also enjoy their raw sexuality. I look foward to reading more.

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by MADISONKAI11/15/12

INTENSE!!

I love it so far!! I like that she is a fluffy girl!!

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Pretty Good

I csnt wsit to read Ch 2

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by KittyOh4812/24/12

Yeah! Big Girl is Representing!

I like any story where a plus size girl can hold her own! And a fine ass man is into her for being confident! Please do not let this story disappear before you. Finish it

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by multiculturegirl02/08/13

I know I'm late but I second Kitty's statement although I doubt I would have left ;)

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by Anonymous08/28/13

Wack

Wack wack wack whack wack wack wack whack oh and your story is WACK! As if a fat ugly black bitch would get a guy like that.

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by london10109/19/13

imma tear that pussy up...

Welll damn.

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by Tru_Saffron11/06/13

TO "wack" anon comment...

Why is it hard to believe an attractive man would be interested in a BBW?? IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY .....freak.
Any who, I've read this before. Second time around. The old anon comment just irked my nerve enough this time around for me to leave a reply for it..he he
Love the story by the way :)

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by ladiebrowneyez01/03/14

;l Not good but not bad but not good

Right, so it all happened too fast..sloooooooow it down

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by Anonymous02/10/14

Again

Wack whack wack wacky wack wack

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by theanalist03/08/14

need only five words to describe the story

wham bam thank you mam

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by I_Like_That08/30/14

Perfect

The speed was fine for me I hate stories that drag oooon.
Please write more, your an amazing writer and I love Damian.
His personality is so strong, intense and hot...hmm.

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