by Carnevil9
Unique , refreshing point of view...with all the 'possibilties' still swirling around in the air, making it hotter......Keep Writing !!
Agree with the other comments. Nice new twist on a story. Let's hear more!
this was interesting and fun.. more chapters will be awesome...
I, for one, would like to see more chapters. The story started off well and is well written and I can't wait to see where it goes.
I enjoyed it, a little more detail would be great as they move in closer to each other as they become more comfortable, size of the clit, description, movement....contractions. with him the look of the cock as he slowly works the foreskin over the head, leakage etc. take your time it can be beautiful!
This is so funny and well written. :D
Well ... there were two places where my sharp editorial eye would have made a change. You could do with a colon instead of a semi-colon when it says: 'I sensed the smells of her sensuality:'
Plus, I would put 'Of course these were all to remain fantasies.' in a fresh paragraph.
I love how you leap straight into the sex. What a neat concept, I am off to read Ch. 02 now.
Excellent. Super writing. Perhaps a bit quick off the mark once he meets Jane, but otherwise a great read
just found these, mm is my favorite sex act, will be 'pleasuring' on the others too.
Mmmmyes, had to follow suit. Felt great. Thanks for the visual, and for the cum.