All Comments on 'You, Me & She'

by cattitude1965

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HigginsprofHigginsprofover 15 years ago
Minuatae

You explained the un-begining of your story which is fine.

My comment may be picky but it is the fine details that often stretch erotica story flow and credibility. In the beginniung you mentioned you were at her apartment: at the end, she'd left you both alone as if it was your place. Perhaps I read it wrong -- and here it is not all that important.

Sometimes, however, stories are confusing by their inattention to detail. Character names are erroneously swapped, and the reader wonders "Didn't they leave earlier/ not like that/ look different?". Sometimes action continuity is lost: "But if they're doing that, how can their left arm/leg/whatever reach/do that?". Locations can be problems: "If this is the Greek Islands, why the palm trees and Paciifc Islanders?"

Among characterisations, you seemed not to know her, he apparently did -- both seemed intimate by their speech -- yet we don't know who or what she was to you both. After play with you, and your play with him, she wants no play with him --now, later or earlier?

No biggies, just being picky, other-wise I much enjoyed the scenario.

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