by rpsuch
..the continuity is suffering because of the abruptness of the story length. There is almost no flow
It would have more continuity if the chapters were a bit longer. In fact, somehow I missed 13 & 14 and only realized it when I was completely lost starting chapter 15. However, some of the dialog is great and I like the story and the perspective of the amazingly hot female, who is out of her league.
The additions to this story are so awesome. I'm so glad you decided to start it up again!