I saw your request for feedback on the Forum and popped in for a peek. I don't think this stuff is horrible. In fact, I bet it is quite exciting between you and your fiancee. But to be honest, the readers here just aren't going to care all that much Writing from this perspective ("you" and "we") just isn't going to pull anyone in. We don't know either of you so basically we don't have much interest. Put yourself in the shoes of your reader - would you want to read someone else's story written this way?
By all means, keep doing what you're doing if it floats your boat, just understand that you're not going to win much of a following from the masses.
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