....at least this sweetly!
Essentially the whole story of their life, past and future, were laid out in a few words. The stupidity of Pookie is amazing! And Mike has followed the confusion with a Live Well.....
What's that saying? "The best revenge is to live WELL" Mike is doing just that. The ex-wife was really, really, stupid.
Anyway this story was a very good read. Well done.
Wow, I think I would've reacted the same way as Mike did.
I was a tiny bit surprised when Mike told Gretchen to just leave that bastard after she said how she was watched and treated, instead of just shrugging or something. Then I remembered that they had a lot of good years together.
But to take her back, or even help, after just up and disappearing? Nah, Mike was right with that tirade. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.
but the ending is way too short and waaaaaaay too silly. Sufre its good to see Mike figure out and POINT out what a self centered cunt the wife is... but it all happens way too soon.
Dont get me wrong it is a good story and I see how the the author was going for some sort of symmetry. But the wife's actions are so outragous and so sudden is the break that this story needs much more " depth" and background.
the billionaire the wife took up with doesnt let her use a cell phone to call her own kids? does anyone with half a fucking brain believe that?
all the commenters before me. It is a strong story, emotionally powerful and packing a very satisfying revenge for the husband (and the sympathetic reader). But I also think that Harry is right: a less abrupt wind-up for the story could have made it even better.
Thanks enjoyed that one
This is perhaps the best, non-violent, "torch-the-bitch" story I've read in years. It was also concise -- the readers are usually smart enough to read between the lines without the necessity for a lot of detail -- and that made it even better. Well-written and to-the-point. Vulcez must have done well in debate class. Thanks for writing.
'the grass is greener — NOT' story. Or perhaps 'buyers remorse' might better describe it. But a lovely thought. She got her lifestyle of the rich and jaded, but lost everything else. And it was a fine twist in the story when the new girl came in to claim her treasure. Loved the digs that Pamela got in as well... Alas, Gretchen knows that she is not a fond memory for (what was) her family!
Really enjoyed the story! The cheating ex-wife appeared to have gotten herself caught up in a near "slavery" situation while searching for the easy life. Too bad! Her old family is better off without her! Thanks for sharing. Ohio, USA
Great submission- author.
Needs a chapter 2
NO Rambo, NO "connections" with Mafias, NO boxing or karate — A (simple) man/husband — betrayed by the person he loved very much (his wife) — having his "say". Very refreshing story in LW category.
The only thing that would have improve the story is if the man would have told his ex-wife to eat shit and die.
I think it is very clever how Mike is almost placed like the reader of the story for a while. Gretchen starts to tell her tale of woe and I felt myself feeling some sympathy for her situation. As Mike says, he was feeling the need to be pulled in to fix things as well. Then he comes to his senses and makes a VERY eloquent speech as to why she is undeserving of his consideration. She hadn't asked about her kids. What kind of mother would not do that first thing? She was responsible for pain for everyone else. She is an adult and is responsible for her own choices. Now the sympathy is all gone. We clearly see the selfish woman that Gretchen is. Then the coup de grace, Pamela walks in and is gracious and loving, all that Gretchen is not. This was a great healing step for Mike. It seems he has been living like this conversation with his wife. He struggles with what had gone wrong and how he was responsible. The epiphany in the conversation was the epiphany in his life as well. Gretchen was the one who did this. It is HER responsibility. And now he is free. Very well done. Some others have suggested taking a little longer to wrap up their conversation. Maybe. But what else needed to be said or proven? Gretchen has been completely unmasked and discarded, Mike is free and has moved on with Pamela. It's well concluded for me.
A really good story, that could be longer. Well written and with a good ending.
Even though want to know more (like gretchen's later reaction) I must say that this story is more without it. Thank you for a wonderful read.
The only glaring mistake here was the absolute control of Gretchen by the Billionaire. That made no sense. BTW, why would he settle for a 45 year old when he could a model 25 years younger. Contrary to Gretchen's opinion, there are lots of American women who can speak multiple languages and are sluts.
I still rated your story as a 5 b/c you did such a good job.
Thank you very much.
I am your fan now.
Getting tired of busters like Just Plain Bob, Daniel Q Steel, Winterfrog ....
She burt her bridges well.
Vulvez you have spun a fine tale and nice read. Classic short story of the good guy betrayed and beaten down-yet coming back to win and in the ending getting the girl.
In fact this story begs for a follow-up or pre-quel. even a companion piece from the wifes POV would make a great addition.
Thanks for submitting
I agree with CPete that this is a good story throughout. I also agree that there should be a follow-up story to this...perhaps from her point of view.
Short and Sweet!!!!!!
A short story is just that: short. And this one is excellent. It needs no sequel.
A very smooth reading and compact story. Well thought out and edited to make it a pleasure to read.
cant fault her. she thinks she is moving up, but she ended up in a lonely cage. 5 stars.
I have no complaints and lots of praise for this story. Every aspect of it was well done. Thank you.
A very well written, creative, and original story. You did an excellent job writing this tale.
given the short exchange. The wife invites him to lunch and then leaves him and never returns or calls her kids? She runs into Mike "accidently" after 3 years to let him know that she is a vitual slave to her lover? While it is possible she fell out of love with Mike and traded up to her lover the whole "I am a prisoner" makes no sense. There are nutty rich people like Howard Hughes but keeping someone a prisoner would make him too vulnerable for the people around him She is a US citizen so all she would have to do is get a text or letter out through her shopkeeper friend. The fact that she talked about only herself first shows that she is still a self-centered bitch.
Better than "The Letter". Keep writing, I am looking forwards to more of your work
I think this needs an epilogue, not a chapter two. You could have it begin about twenty years in the future. Either at Brianna's college graduation or at either Pamela's or Mike's funeral. Hiding behind a tree or headstone her children spying her watching and some kind of confrontation. The story itself is self explanatory, it had everything in it. Revenge, anguish, anger, satisfaction and closure. A very good flash story. Please keep writing. Papatoad and dangerously dead should be proud to add you to their ranks.
Like life. I would like to have heard Gretchen's plea for understanding about how she was "trapped" into and captured in the non-marriage she had with her millionaire kidnapper.
Great story how about saving Gretchen from her nightmare
Really enjoyed it. Mike telling Gretchen off was good stuff. Even Pamela got a dig or two in. No need for a second chapter. But maybe a completely separate followup story would be good where the ex-wife redeems herself enough to at least re-connect with the kids. No doubt Mike is better off with out her though.
She was, he wasn't!
You can't love and trust someone for twenty years and, even after they totally without a care in the world walk out on you, not have some feelings. Any guy would want to be supportive but the hurt and anger wins out and three years, betrayal and cold hearted dismissal of her life with him - Nope, not going to happen.
A guy will always have moments where he sadly remembers the good times, and with hurt remembers the coldness and betrayal, the fact that she had been made into a whore - too bad, she deserved it - she got what she asked for - another mans sex.
Because of the children and his twenty years of bliss, this is a sad story - but, well written - Thanks!
I can almost feel the husbands pain when his wife made her little annoucement. At least he got a measure of revenge with the lawsuit and the final(perhaps) conversation. I would just feel bad for her children.
I agree with a few of the comments, you need to save Gretchen from her nightmare and we need to hear Gretchen's plea for understanding about how she was "trapped" into and captured in the non-marriage she had with her billionaire kidnapper.
also, regarding cybersearcher's comment "you need to save Gretchen from her nightmare"
my recommendation: lock her in a room with a bottle of pills, or a gun with one bullet in it.
well, we do have to respect her freedom to choose don't we?
God ,this hurts to say but Harry was right in pointing out that her being shunted off from contact with her children is not credible. It was too overt a plot device by the author to rally the readers into spurned husband's corner.
If the author made another false step, however, I was not bright enough to catch it. This was a " espresso'' of a short story as in this packs a exquisite , contolled dose of bitterness in such a diminutive amount of space.
The 'prevented from calling' excuse IS credible. While it is always risky to second guess an author, I would guess that in real life, she never intended it to be a true explanation of why she never phoned. It was an EXCUSE to try to make herself not look so bad. So instead of being not credible, it was a device to further emphasize Gretchen's selfishness. GREAT STORY. Signed - Surreptitious
do they originate in the mind or the soul. TK U MLJ LV NV
The lack of credibility is what makes it an easily recognisable feeble excuse. The lack of credibility IS the device.
PS I really liked your story. Thanks for writing.
Unfortunatelly I missed this excellent revenge story! Naturaly 5 stars!
One of Hungarian pop singers who got suicide in the 70s, his mother let him and his sister in Hungary and went to the USA. She did not send any letter to her children. She did not know her son famous star in Hungary! Vulcez stories and a Papatoad last story show true type. Yes there are a little % mothers who desert from her children (and husbands).
This complete and short story is much better than Why Ch 1 which left unanswered questions to be explored in as yet unpublished chapters. Thanks for writing!
I liked it. Still I think you could do another chapter. Great job!
Everything in it was reasonably realistic.
The husband automatically leaned forward to try to 'fix' things for his ex because that is how he was hardwired for 23 years. Yes, he caught himself but I can see myself being drawn into that almost mistake.
The woman's motives resonated. Women WILL fuck around...but they need a good reason (or what they think is a good reason). Stepping up that high, even with a risk, is something a woman would do. That a man that powerful and rich would not do the right thing by her isn't a reflection upon her, but upon protecting himself. So her predicament also rang true.
And one of the parts I liked the most was this story wasn't fully about revenge (though in her cold bed, I can see that his words would etch into her soul). Instead it is about releasing the bitterness in his soul so he could free himself from a burden. This is much more important for the self then any amount of inflicted pain.
That he could pull a twofer is even better.
I see your resume is light but hope you continue to write.
a great short. some may want it expanded, but i like it the way it is.
Nothing else to say, thanks.
A Romantic Revenge Story = RRS
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