All Comments on 'Just the Six of Us Ch. 09'

by Mentalcase

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  • 49 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Beth, too!

Jerry in Washington State, USA - I enjoyed Emma being aggressive and I expect to enjoy the chapter when she gives Mike her virginity. I was wondering when you were going to start bringing Beth into the sexual group. The kiss on the boat to put those three guys in their place was a nice start previously, but I liked Mike's private time with her and her seeing Emma sucking Mike. I expect Mike will be with all his sisters within the next few chapters. Thanks again for a story with characters that I've learned to care about.

Socially_IneptSocially_Ineptover 13 years ago
Oh man!

To be a fly on the wall when these sisters get home and compare notes. Another great chapter. I can't wait for the next one.

BradehoftBradehoftover 13 years ago
Line Up

1, Danni 2 Emma or Sarah 3, WHICHEVER DIDN'T GO 2ND 4, Beth or is there going to be a major twist

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
good stuff

Great story going , very similar style to " party of 5 " which I thoroughly enjoyed . Love the voice in the head is the icing on the cake , one request tho , make the chapters longer ,

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Getting a bit silly...

Loved this story at first, seemed like it could be a successor to Party Of Five, which is one of the best stories I've read here, but a few things are now ruining it for me:

1. Shallow characters: we don't really see them interact normally (ie. not while making out, etc.) so we can't build up a picture of them and how they all interact, what their quirks are, loves, hates, etc. It makes the story far less engaging. Even Mike only has the voice, and very little thought processes apart from that are exposed to the reader.

2. Lack of normality. What little happens outside of couplings (ie. all the surprises on holiday) seem to be portrayed as just filler, or as a plot device for a sudden relationship upgrade. This is cheap, and the best stories on this site have a mix of normal stuff and sex, with the normal stuff tying in to relationship matters, or being unrelated, but not just being plot devices.

3. It's incest, but there seems to be no understanding of the taboo nature of it. Nobody acknowledges that fooling around with family is a big no in society, we never see anyone question their acts or think of that side of things. People generally don't engage in incest because it's a deep-seated wrong, but you're treating the characters as though it's as natural as breathing, as though they all wake up and think 'today, I think I'll fuck my brother' on a whim.

4. There's no buildup to couplings whatsoever. Forgetting even the incest, normal relationships are incremental, and this just isn't seen. The lack of introspection by the characters doesn't help, but while Sarah had a little buildup, in that they started to fool around for no apparent reason, but didn't go straight to sex, and Danni had a comfort thing going on with the kissing twist, that was portrayed as strangely platonic - they weren't kissing because they were into each other, but it seemed more like a strange expression of familiar love and comfort. Then, all of a sudden, Danni fucks him. Where the hell did that come from? Naturally, the reader expects it, but in-universe it makes no sense.

There's also a few other things I can't put into words, but basically the story is getting boring, and it's lost the appeal of being new and a potentially great Party Of Five tribute. Make it more engaging, pace things out more, introduce some conflict (not necessarily between characters) and this could get a whole load better. However, if it keeps going as it is, you're going to disappoint this reader, and I'm going to stop reading.

sexydad50sexydad50over 13 years ago
Please

Let them all fuck him! Sooo HOT !!!!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Not getting silly

I think the story has been very interesting and am enjoying it greatly. Keep up with what you are doing. I like how the first several chapters we see the characters interact more and more and the slow transition into what's happening now. It was interesting to see how this would play out for the sex starved main character. Keep up the good work.

MentalcaseMentalcaseover 13 years agoAuthor
Opinions

Everyone is entitled to theirs. Getting a bit silly... is actually correct on several counts. I tend to struggle with the boring bits, i.e. what the hell do i make them to when they aren't fucking? It's something i'm working on and I appreciate everyone's opinion.

Thanks for the comments

MentalcaseMentalcaseover 13 years agoAuthor
also

I'd just like to say that it's written like it is for a reason, the following chapters will shed a little bit of light on why the incest doesn't seem to be a big deal.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Incest is more common than most know

Now incest with 4 sisters is probably a fantasy, but I love this story; want Danni, Emma, Sarah and Beth for myself, Mike is so lucky. A harem of sisters.

To answer the negitive comments, Danni was almost gang raped, that made hee needy, Mike is both security and sex, there was already sexual tension between them. Emma has a close relationship and being a virgin her focus is her twin, and sex between them is a forgone conclusion. Sarah is a sexy girl trying to hold a famaily together and willing to provide her self sexually for the family, give Mike the needed sex he requires to hold the family unit together, plus she has needs. Beth is candy and a delight the author will provide further details.

I'd love for Emma to be deflowered next, then Sarah or Beth. Waiting for the information the author noted to come regarding incest.

GirlWatchinGirlWatchinover 13 years ago
Excellent Story

Don't listen to the critics. You'll notice that A.) generally, they are too cowardly to include their names with their comments, and B.) when they do include their names, you will find that they have never written and posted anything themselves.

You should not put too much credence in the criticism by people who find fault with work that they themselves lack either the creativity, talent or skill to attempt to do themselves.

That said, overall, you are doing a fine job with your story, and very nice character development. It would be nice to let them get out in public a bit and interact with the rest of the world a bit... out to dinner, go to a ball game, etc. Maybe even throw in a bit of conflict, like you did with the attempted date rape drug.

As for the writing, there are a few minor technical flaws, and I'm sure you've probably already seen those. It might help if you try reading your story out loud... seems to help me.

Anyway, great story, and I'm looking forward to future chapters.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Take your time

I believe a bit of the critics are partly right. You happen to be more and more in a rush. Take your time to develop your story - then this sequel will remain one of the best ever published at literotica.

(Bad grammar? I'm no native speaker...)

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Critics

Firstly, let me say that I tihnk this is one of the better series on this site. the characters are likeable and there isn't any of that ridiculous 11" penis crap that some stories have.

I like the way you don't shy away from critisism and don't ingnor it like others tell you to, as some of the critiques the guy had were valid. I'm a believer that there should always be someone who critisises us, thats how we improve. That being said I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag.

Keep going, loving the series.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
amazing

I just recently starting reading erotica novels and a few of the other ones were pretty good and hot. But I must say when I came by yours I was blown away!!! I quickly gain interest, and pleasure, on the details of mike and his sisters. Keep up the good work and I hope to hear more of the story!!!

Drawu12Drawu12over 13 years ago
Great series!

I started reading last night and just couldn't stop. Took a sick day today to finish the series and dump a load. Keep it up! I can't wait 'till Mike fucks Beth! Aaaaahhhhhh!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
simply great.

i personally think this series is really interesting in a weird way. i see alot of humor and other things of that nature. the voice in mikes head is just too hilarious . keep up the work.

snipersoundzsnipersoundzover 13 years ago
i love your stories too damn much..

im hoping that this story will never end (but sadly all stories do)

and damnnn is all i can say... it really good. love it...

i think you shuld make an independent film about this haha (jus kiddin on tht part)

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
cayman islands i live there

this is great, just thinking about all the fun there having makes me miss home, and want to have some fun of my own when i get back

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
WOW

holy shit this is one really gooood series! i actually had an orgasm... lol p.s im a girl haha

Eric_ShiftEric_Shiftover 13 years ago
Life is good for our boy

What a holiday. That's what should happen on vacation.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
oh my god, the voice rocks

hehe

i just love the way his voice in his head thinks about the whole situation

keep on the good work

love to read more

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
Voice in head

love this story everytime the "voice in head" talks i giggle

Senrab13Senrab13about 13 years ago
The Voice

"Holy Shit, what a trip."

Yeah, I agree with the voice.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
best

you are a awesome story teller...this is fucking erotic

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
disappointed

It started out great. Developed the characters and gave good insite and backgrounds but then you stepped on the gas and drove the story off the cliff by speeding up the story and making it happen so fast. You should have kept it slow and made the readers crave more. Overall it is good, not the best I have read but still better than most.

Eli69Eli69almost 13 years ago
Great

I have been reading most of the day and think I will give it a break today. Very well written. Love the details of the brother with his sisters. Very attentive. I am loving the fact that I am reading a story from a different perspective from a guy's point of view, and never thought that a guy could be romantic. Can't wait to continue reading. That's also nice that you have fans in Iraq and other countries longingly awaiting your work. =)

CaligrlCaligrlalmost 13 years ago
Beautiful, sexy, erotic, tender, romantic...

Those are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind when I read this story. You've had me hooked since chapter 1. I can hardly wait until I have a chance to read each successive chapter. I am so impressed with you writing skills. You are most definitely going on my favorite author list!

blueyedbobblueyedbobalmost 13 years ago
i think this is my 1st comment for "just the six of us" !

but i keep voting 5's for each chapter,,i have been engrossed,horny,hard,emotional,sentimental and rooting for each of the characters because i seem to know them so well!!,,,then the voice says!!"""don't look at me man, i got nothing!!,, i am as surprised as you are!!""

i laughed so hard i thought i would pee my pants!!,,,what a great throw away line!!! loved it!!

each day i come home from work and read a few chapters,,,i look forward to it! and relieves the stress of the day,,,,,thanks a lot!

DarkBrotherDarkBrotherover 12 years ago
I've been reading this for hours!

This story continues to amaze me. It's so good! By far one of my favorites!

atheist_liberalatheist_liberalabout 12 years ago
Exquisite!

But please, show Sarah a bit of love. The poor girl hasn't gotten any real action since coitus interuptus.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
the voice!

LOL hey havnt we had this conversation before? Oh no wait that was the other one. Continue.

Hahahahahahahahah

I Love The Voice!!!!!!!

6 time Im rereading the series by the way thanks!

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Awesome work

Yea, this is my fourth read through; this story is amazing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
good story but you need a better editor

I've been reading the series and there are quite a few spelling errors and grammatically incorrect sentences that make little to no sense. You just need to reread your chapters before posting and make sure your not repeating words, using the correct words (or in one case the correct name). Otherwise it's a great read.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Great Chapter

I loved this chapter just as much as the other eight. However there were a few issues with sentences where I couldn't make any sense of it so I had to reconstruct the sentence or sentences in my mind to keep the story going. Also i was confused as who it was that was blowing Mike off that morning before they headed back home. Maybe this was intentional or not, I'm not sure but I had to scroll back up to make sure I didn't miss anything because it got a little confusing. Anyways though. Great story so far. I'm a huge fan!

TXhardsucker69TXhardsucker69over 9 years ago
fun reading

Fun read, well written. Although incest may be wrong according to some, I do believe it is also a fantasy of most, at one time or another in their lives. Whether it's a son lusting for his mom as I did growing up, or sisters satisfying their needs with their brother's cock, or satisfying his needs with their holes, I do believe we all want our siblings or parents or cousins or aunts or uncles or parents at some time, for some period of time, if not all our lives.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Love it

At first I was afraid that the whole voice in your head story would slide off into the cheesy or the stereotype. It doesn't. Really well handle and fun. I love their "arguments".

Also I like the way how Mike slowly seduces all of his sisters. It clearly shows that a love story and porn are not mutually exclusive. Keep it up!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Epic

These are awesome I don't condone incest but my gracious you're an epic writer. This should be published. Keep at it man.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago

He awoke the next morning and felt something wet. Groggily he opened his eyes and peered under the covers. He glanced over, Danni was gone. "Em, dear god," he said, laying his head back down. She lay under the covers at the foot of the bed, her mouth on his cock gently sucking on it.

"If you fuck this up I'll kill you."

"We could get caught," he said at length, as she pulled him into her mouth and ran her tongue along the head of his penis, licking the hole.

"Oh, I'd like to get caught," she purred, swiftly pulling his erection back into her hungry mouth.

@@ waitaminute! He fucks Danni with Emma in the next bed and doesn't blink a fucking eye, but Emma gets the speech? Lets not even mention how he's blowing Sarah off!! Jerk!

Not a bad vacation haul though; handjob from Em, fucked by Danni, blowjob by Em, another blowjob by Em, swaps spit and tongue with all sisters and unknowingly preps Beth for later ;)

@@

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
You lost it here

This is definitly one of best stories I ever run into . But in this chapter you strated to lose it. You developed different characters for sisters. I liked Ema and Danni so much. After this chapter girls are becoming just nymphomaniacs without differencies. I wish I stopped reading at last chapter.

PrinceLukePrinceLukeover 8 years ago
Five words

NEVER GONNA STOP READING THIS!!!

RazordickRazordickabout 8 years ago
holy shit that was fucking amazing (pun intended)

Holy shit that was fucking amazing, he woke up to em sucking in his dick and all the while Beth is watching, and Sarah joins in, I was pretty dam sure that danni would come and see too, OMG Beth is so gonna get fucked soon Ik it, I love ur writing so much, nicely written , really good

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Emma...

....I'm going to cum so hard when he fucks her. I love this series.

RailroadTareRailroadTarealmost 7 years ago
Writer's Comments

Thanks for acknowledging our real heroes, our fighting men and women in harm's way.

Fuzzy_KbearFuzzy_Kbearalmost 5 years ago
Only one complant... sort of

Love everything about this, really I do, the characters, the personalities, the love, the sex, even the voice is good for some comic relief. My only real complaint... well it's not really a complaint, but it is... Anyway it's that the chapters are too short. When you have something this good I want to keep reading, 1 or 2 page chapters just aren't long enough. it's annoying having to stop reading and wait the couple seconds for the new chapter to load. That's how much I'm loving this, and it's like the third time I've read this series. I wish you had the same amount of chapters or more, but that each chapter was 6, 8, 10, or more pages long. THANK YOU.

PrinceLukePrinceLukeover 4 years ago
Third Read

I Need A Emma And Dannica In My Life...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
3rd read

I would add Sarah and Beth along with Emma and Danni. Makes me wish I had sisters

PrinceLukePrinceLukeover 3 years ago
5th read now

I do hope that when JTSOU 2 comes out it mainly focuses on Mike and Danni and Emma. They really are my fav characters. Emma here is such a fiend lol but that’s why we love her that and her loyalty to Mike. Danni, well that scene with her holding her hand with mikes is truly just beautiful.

MarkT63MarkT639 months ago

Emma is a competetive little slut...

TEXASMADDOGTEXASMADDOGabout 2 months ago

"Each dreaming different dreams"...of the SAME THING...Mike and his love for all of them, each wanting their chance at him!!

This is really such a fantastic story; chapters are short (too short?) yet filled with so much emotion and detail!! Bravo, MentalCase, Bravo!!!!

🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌💫💫💫💫💫

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News: 2/9/2024 - Lots of work going on. Been sick too. Chapters are coming. On a side note, other authors are apparently being accused of plagiarizing my stuff. Folks, this isn't a treatise on world peace. Its porn in literary form. Take it easy, okay? The world sucks ...

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