All Comments on 'Iced in, Snow Storm Ch. 02'
by TheBeckFactor
- 32 Comments
Anonymousover 13 years agoits better than the first one, but you still need to slow down and be more descriptive
Anonymousover 13 years agoI enjoyed this chapter & I can't wait to read more. Keep on writing.
Anonymousover 13 years agonice build up but if mom was in the middle when she touched his cock how did he spoon with sister right after that?
Tomba56over 13 years agoYou're getting better at this. Keep working on it and I'll keep reading. You might want to proof-read before you post to maybe eliminate the small mistakes that ditract from the flow. All in all' not a bad second effort.
Anonymousover 13 years agoHurry up and get to some f^cking already. This ain't the Hallmark Channel.
Anonymousover 13 years agoI'm starting to wonder if english is your 2nd language. Don't know about others but bad grammar just ruins it. That and I really couldn't even bring myself to read the story word for word I made it through the first 3 paragraphs and had to skim to see if things even got interesting. It's a great concept but you're taking too much time. I'll give you this you wrote more than last time.
Anonymousover 13 years agoIts really very simple. Read it or Don't. Its like listening to a radio, if you don't like whats playing hit your back button. I'm sure constructive criticism is welcome so they can become better writers. But telling someone not to quite their day job. Thats just crap. You keep writing and I'll keep reading. All you others POS keep your crappy comments to yourself unless its something that will help this individual grow and become a better writer.
Anonymousover 13 years agoTHIS NO LONGER RATES A OOPS SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IMPROVED FROM YOUR FIRST SUBMISSION..AGAIN I ENJOYED TOUR STORY LINE.I ALSO FOUND IT EASY TO READ.I AM GRATEFUL THAT IT WAS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH ,,,SEW EYE SHOULD THANK A TEACHER, THAT EYE CAN READ... AND WE ALL SHOULD THANK A "VET" THAT ITS WRITTEN IN ENGLISH..GOING BACK TO AN "I-Q" TEST, I CAN KNOT BEE-LEAVE THAT SEW MANY CAN KNOT PASS IT... EYE WOOD THINK (occasionally :-) )THAT ONE WOOD STOP READING IF THEY DIDN'T ENJOY THE STORY..B.T.W. I HOPE YOU FINISH THIS STORY BEE-FORE BECOMING A WEATHER FORE-CASTER(lol)EYE NO EWE ARE JUST RIGHT-ING SLOW BECAUSE EWE NO THAT EYE READ SLOW...ITS A GOOD STORY LINE FINIS
Anonymousover 13 years agoDon't worry about the grammar! It's a tantalizing story line with some clever twists. Move on to part 3!
Anonymousover 13 years agoI normally don't write about poorly written stories but have to say I won't continue reading this. But the author has every right to continue writing and those that are enjoying it can continue to enjoy it.
Anonymousover 13 years agoThe very short chapters are a total turn off. Finish it and then we will see.
yorkieUKover 12 years agoI really enjoyed your story very much. I look forward to the next instalment and seeing which direction it goes in. Will the siblings enjoy a secretive tryst, or will they take advantage of their tipsy mother, or more......?
Anonymousover 11 years agoI don't think the author will be back but maybe another author reading will see what this one did wrong.
The places he chose to break off from his story are very unnatural. And while I prefer a buildup to just jumping right in he should have been more detailed in the descriptions of the moments of sensuality, like the daughter shaving her legs in the first part or them sleeping together in the second part. The increased intimacy of sleeping together and trying to keep warm between the three should have been shown. Why wasn't there more cuddling? And with that cuddling ever increasing amounts of inappropriate behaviour.
topaceabout 11 years agoNo sex in either chapter. This is Literotica, if you want to write a story without sex, post it to Non-Erotic.
live4thebjalmost 10 years agoYour stories are way too short and doesn't have enough substance. If you get this message try spending more time writing it with some sort of payoff.
JorgesPicksover 9 years agoBut my problem is that they are stuck in their own house and throughout the story they keep remembering things that they have that may help them, such as . . . Oh there is a turkey fryer burner in the garage or hey its even colder now go to the extra blankets from the other room. But even if they were in a strange place the first thing they would do is check the entire house for stuff that can help them, especially if they are stranded there. And did I miss something, why can't they leave and at least go to the neighbors? Warmth in numbers. And they have been stuck for what? A Day? And that is turning them into incestous individuals? I think they would have to go through a little more than that to risk show each other their feelings. Yeah it's cold but they are not in immediate danger.
Anonymousover 7 years agoAre you trying to impress us with your vast knowledge of middle school science?
She says several times that she's not a lesbian yet she speaks of her strong attraction to her female science teacher. And the word "stoichiometry" is used improperly.
mrChristianover 7 years agoIt's amazing how people who are afraid to post names of themselves are the first to pass negative comments about people who are trying to add to the literary pool.
Thebeckfactor I commend you on your attempt at writing and hope you produce more in this series as well as new titles. Don't worry about the haters. Haters gonna hate lol.
Follow the positive feedback and you'll Excel in your endeavors.
guiltypleasureloveralmost 2 years agoWife and I have seen Prairie House Companion live twice...
Great story.
TheBeckFactor@TheBeckFactor
