great story..I really like the first ending because it felt more real.I liked that she was innocent while inspecting him and that she walked out of the room because she was caught. its just something that can happen.
by
Anonymous11/05/10
Damn...#2
Obviously...or maybe NOT obviously...it sounds better to have completion for BOTH lovers! Every man's DREAM is to experience a young lady like Kelly. Delicious images are conjured up in this tale, thanks.
Mistakes can spoil a story like "Kelly's car backing out of the driveway." Mixing up your characters. Spelling mistakes as well. Learn the difference between "to" and "too". Otherwise the story was fair. I prefer ending one.
English
I believe...
...that ending two is the winner.
Better
I liked them both, but the second was better in my opinion. I suppose because if it were me, I would want the second situation to happen.
Good story
Ending #2 was the best and you should continue on the story of Jim and Kelly.
very nice
beautifully done......wanked my cock vigourously...waiting for a hot hot pussy to do the same job in Surat, India
Excellent story but...
... honestly I don't like either ending. As a fellow voyeur/exhibitionist fetishist (and writer) I would've prefered her to simply leave the room.
#2
What was the 3rd ending you didn't share?
2nd Ending
They're both slightly "soft" endings, but the second is the better of the two.
#1
great story..I really like the first ending because it felt more real.I liked that she was innocent while inspecting him and that she walked out of the room because she was caught. its just something that can happen.
Damn...#2
Obviously...or maybe NOT obviously...it sounds better to have completion for BOTH lovers! Every man's DREAM is to experience a young lady like Kelly. Delicious images are conjured up in this tale, thanks.
Proof reading and editing
Mistakes can spoil a story like "Kelly's car backing out of the driveway." Mixing up your characters. Spelling mistakes as well. Learn the difference between "to" and "too". Otherwise the story was fair. I prefer ending one.
#2
it fulfills both of their needs
Definitive five star!
...either ending sounds good to me. Lovely writing.
Good story
Ending One went better with the flow of the story... Two was a little too abrupt I thought. But both were good.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to While He Was Sleeping or
More submissions by SPEN STERLING.