I know with all good stories you need plot and development but I really feel like this and the last couple chapters have been quite a bit half hearted. Maybe its because they are posted in such absurdly small blurps I have to try and devote time to piece the little pieces together and try and keep track of the connection. Hoping the next chapter actually has some depth, if not I am not sure I'll keep reading. Here's to hoping for improvement and longer chapters.
I know somewhere they teach that you need to leave the readers wanting more, but frankly, as much as I have enjoyed this series, it is getting difficult to follow, to hang in there. This chapter revolves around her poor behavior, and we are left wondering what next, is this all going to end over something so stupid....and why why doesn't she just apologize...why the Machiavellian plot to ignore the issue...since when does ignoring a problem ever make it go away...I thought these were TWO really smart people!
Continually reading a synopsis. Today's was about Ashley misbehaving. Maybe I'll just wait till you finish posting the whole story and come back then. Chapters are so short, you've ruined an excellent tale.
I've tried to break it up into logical chapters. If Literotica would post more than one chapter a day I would submit several together. The other alternative is to throw away my concept of structure and that would make it much more difficult for me, not you.
I'm working on the outline for chapter 58 and beyond so you needn't worry it's going to fizzle because I don't know where to go. I can't imagine anyone would put this effort to create a story, edit more than a dozen times, build these characters only to finish with some kind of non-ending. I"ll grant there may be such a person but it isn't me so I won't take offense.
It has been suggested that I post 3 pages at a time. That is around 50 book pages or 1/8 of a 400-page book. It would certainly result in completely meaningless chapter distinctions if they were marked as chapters. If I designated them some other way but put chapters in the postings I might end some of them in the middle of a chapter.
If I submitted all the finished chapters today it would take Literotica 3 weeks to post them. I'm not done final editing so I wouldn't want to do that anyway. I also won't post arbitrary segments that just end when I have enough words. If I were told ahead of time that's how I had to post stories I'd find something else to do with my time.
All I can suggest is to wait a few posts before going back to the story or read it on my site (www.peterschulman.com). I try to keep at least one chapter ahead and will try to post chapter clusters that cover more.
I've had enough comments, not complaints, that Ashley has changed awfully quickly. She has and she hasn't.
When you embrace something new that doesn't immediately erase all the things that led to your discarded behavior. In the stress of trying to change and events that occur people may revert in part to the old behavior. There may be psychological benefits to using old behaviors. A good author will eventually let you what has caused all this. So will I.
If you think the writing has been pretty good, have faith that an author will eventually fill you in and in the end you will not be asking, "What the hell was that loose end about?"
That partly an issue of subtlety. I see it disappearing on TV. They tell you everything lest you be too stupid to understand. Sometimes they try to look subtle. "As you know, you're married to Fred." In the history of the world has anyone ever said something like that to anyone? No. In grade school children may need to have implications spelled out to them explicitly. To adult readers it is insulting. It says you're too stupid to understand so here is what I meant. Of course, sometimes we write stuff that only we understand. In that case you should write the author and ask what it means. It will make him do a better job in the future.
TV is indeed changing, largely because the way people watch it is changing too. Before, everyone sat around the set quietly and gave shows their (almost) undivided attention. That made it possible for shows to have subtleties and well developed plots. Now we're in the age of the multi-tasker. People have their laptops logged on, others have their iPods and cellphones going at the same time as the TV grinds away. With that lower level of concentration, plus shorter attention spans and variable advertisement schedules, there's less intellect available for programming. Hence the repetition, telegraphing of plots, and generally low level of intelligence is required.
On the issue of your main character's "too sudden" change, I disagree. Seems to me that she is very aware of how much she's changed and makes reference to it in almost every chapter. She seems like a very bright gal who had "dumbed-down" to suit her social situation. Once she woke up and smelled the coffee, she began the change process. Plus, her young man provides plenty of positive reinforcement. With so much of her internal dialog shared with readers, it doesn't strike me as unbelievable in the least.
After all no one is perfect and Ashley started off pretty imperfect. Should Jeff worry about his physical image? That depends on whether he wants to have to obey the restrictions inate in the new image.
rpsuch - I was going to complain about yet another very short chapter and also another indicent where Ashley reverted to acting like a shallow bitch, but then I read your followup comments. So it seems you have plotted out your story well in advance and have put a lot of thought into developing your characters realistically. So I will continue reading although I won't rate this chapter as it was too short. I understand what you're doing as an author but from a reader's perspective, doling the story out in such small bits leaves us hanging. People read Lit to immerse themselves in a fantasy - and interrupting the story breaks the spell. Surely there is a way to compromise. If you have most of the story already written, might you consider grouping your chapters into larger chunks that preserve your original concept of character development/evolution, while addressing your readers' desire for better continuity?
I think such is portraying Ashley's change perfectly. Change tends to be subtle and over time unless one is making a deliberate change. Then it happens quickly, but it doesn't completely "stick". People revert back to old habits and patterns because it's easier, and because it's familiar, it's comfortable.
Personally I like that she's rather irrational with her temper sometimes. You're going to get irritated and pissed at someone you're in a relationship with. Since it's her first relationship and she's young, she doesn't have much experience with how to handle her anger.
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