All Comments on 'What a Mess'

I feel as though I just played a game of ping pong, even though I knew what the final score was going to be. I know it is your story but for mine it was far from being your best. OK, I returned serve of 'ping' with my 'pong' and now it is back to your 'ping'. I think I need another drink.

Merry Christmas for real.

about how foolish we humans are. This one I liked because I got to laugh. Great read Blue88. Send us another. BTW welcome back, it's been a while and I've missed you.

Rita is now a cheating/slut wife Sandy is too end of story. Divorce is the only option for both of them.

Kinda Dumb, but Funny (kinda). Probably more fun to write than to read, as it was difficult to take any of the characters seriously.

I wanted to like this, but there are too many problems for the happy ending your forced onto this.

First off, what about the wife claiming she was having an affair and showing her cummy pussy? That's conveniently forgotten at the end. There's no way for her to undo that or convincingly explain that she didn't really mean it. Seriously, what the hell?! How could you just forget all about that?!

Second, why should he believe George, Kate, and Rita about what happened at the cabin? Maybe they worked things out amongst themselves and agreed to present a united story in order to get Marty and Rita back together again. There's no end to the possibilities as to why they might all lie to him. For instance, perhaps the three of them are carrying on some kind of threesome affair. Who knows? The point is, Marty has no reason to trust them, given that Rita has actually confessed to having an affair!

Third, she actually DID get it on with Sandy, so he's being deceived and cuckolded regardless. Thus, points one and two are largely moot anyway. Maybe if she would confess, a happy reconciliation ending would be more understandable, but instead she gets all outraged and indignant that he would even suggest such a thing (again, AFTER she CONFESSED to cheating on him - does nobody in this story have any long term memory whatsoever?!).

I was enjoying the story as a sort of madcap miscommunication adventure until the ending. That's a VERY unsatisfying "happy" ending, since such glaring problems and plot contradictions were simply swept under the rug.

Also, based on Rita's behavior at the start of the story (mocking and insulting him in general, and about his erectile problems in particular), plus her behavior through the rest of it, it's hard to see how we're supposed to be happy about ANY ending where he gets back together with her. She sounds like a lousy wife in any case.

I agree with the anon above.

Marty has the memory of a goldfish. He's very conveniently forgotten that Rita TOLD him she cheated on him.

Not to mention she actually DID have a fling with her neighbor, and LIKED IT. And they're not sorry. Round two anyone?

Rita's indignance was completely misplaced, given the fact she DID cheat. Hypocrite.

Also, what the heck happened with Hayley and Joanna? The author tells us Marty is a smart man, and figures things out. Why does he never pursue the reason of his state of nakedness after waking up? He realizes it was Hayley, but...that's it. Nothing happens.

Also, Joanna had sex with Marty while he was fully unconscious. That's rape. Nobody picked up on that?

Even the ending was unsatisfactory. Where is the proof that what George, Rita and Kate say is true? They might very well be in this together. Weeks and weeks have gone by, they could EASILY have concocted a story to tell if Marty found out. There's absolutely no verification done by Marty, at all.

Unsolved, loose ends like these simply killed the story for me.

This is a tale that did not need to be written. One star (for lack of a zero star).

I have no respect for indecisive assholes...

since your last story. Glad you post again.The only problem was that I guessed the outcome too early. Only I thought they had switched bedroom and he mistook her sister as Rita. Sisters are often quite similar in looks, espesially in the dark. Good story and in disagreement with others I do not think Ritas fling with her friend will be a problem in their marriage. They are describes as a very loving couple.

I know how much work it takes to write something, and the author should be applauded for that. There were only a few errors --- "Okay, YOU may not want one, but it sure as hell in my mind as to the probable outcome of this mess." Clearly that is not a sentence, because it is missing the verb (I assume the author meant, . . . but it sure as hell IS in my mind . . . ). This was one of the few errors that could have (should have) been caught with some editing, or just a review with MS Word -- it flags a green underline when a sentence is incomplete.

But now to the plot. I realize that for something to suddenly go wrong in a marriage, one or both partners need to do something improper, or stupid, and such was the case in this story. OK, I buy that part. But Marty is an educated, very successful businessman in a highly competitive field (real estate). Despite being hurt by discovering what appeared to be cheating between Rita and George, a person with his character as developed in this story should have had the confidence to march in, confront everyone, and find out what was actually going on.

I mean, it's not like walking in unprepared on a home invasion -- walking back out and immediately calling the police would be a smart, first step, following which (if there were family needing help) seizing a weapon would be the next possible one. Marty might not like what he would find, but I can't see him just backing out of the cabin and driving off to a diner.

Then he continues avoidance behavior by not talking to, or confronting, his wife Rita, despite her attempts to find out why he is behaving inappropriately. OK, he loves her. OK, he is hurt. OK, he does not like to imagine a life without her. But avoidance just makes everything worse, and I can't see how being a wimp fits the character otherwise created.

Of course, we have the booze ploy next. Marty uses that to further avoid his issues. I think that smacks true to life for some individuals, but not for a successful person like Marty. Clearly he is not a drinker, the author told us that, so it is unlikely he would decide to get drunk.

The next unreal situation is that of Joanna -- she chooses to sexually stimulate an unconscious Marty who stinks of booze? Women get extremely turned off by bad odors; I just cannot imagine how the fascination with a large cock could overcome one's revulsion at dealing with a stinking drunkard, no matter how horny a woman might be. Further, a totally drunk, unconscious man is not likely to achieve an erection -- we know that large amounts of alcohol actually interfere with that process. I don't consider Marty's "sex" with Joanna to be cheating, since he was unconscious when it took place.

The opposite can be said regarding Rita, however. She pretended to have been unfaithful when she came home with the phony "semen" on her snatch. Then she deliberately was unfaithful with her friend Sandy, who was trying to clean Rita up in the shower. Never mind the excuse of (once again) the alcohol, never mind the washing and shaving "stimulated" Rita. She cheated, plain and simple, and it progressed from fingering to orgasms right up to 69 and mutual cunnilingus. I guess it was a real "coming out."

So then we have the denouement. Rita and George et al explain how it was not what it seemed, at the cabin. But Rita flat out told Marty that she was unfaithful, and then showed her pussy to him to prove it. The ending, which seemed abrupt, never explained how Marty is supposed to get around that. In fact, Rita never explained, let alone convinced, Marty that it was a trick -- April Fools' -- and that she really wasn't unfaithful.

So despite a smooth flowing story with some nice ideas, I have some difficulty "swallowing" the plot because it was contradictory, or incomplete (i.e., the ending). Thanks for writing.

Not good unless you like to read about "spineless/wimp" husbands.

If the whole thing, that he saw was so innocent, why didn't any of them, tell marty about before it got out of hand.

Talk about a long time between postings ! Nice to see you back.

Did you read your story before you wrote the end. As far as he knows she had sex with someone the day before. You might have missed it. She exposed her cum covered pussy to him. Al the evidence that it was fake is washed down the drain. It would be more logical for him to conclude a group sex conspiracy than that everything is ok. Up until the ending it was 4 star. Ending moves it to 2

even though i saw it coming for three pages it was still a disappointing ending

What about her flipping up her dress and showing him the result of her "affair"....did I miss where she explained that?

You never dealt with her telling him that she was having an affair. So why have big drama ending for him to force her to reveal her affair? She already has confessed.

She also did cheat willingly so he should still divorce her. Sounds like he cnmaube pickup a hot younger woman or two once she's gone.

I can understand the b-law gambit but don't get her indignation after she told him she was having an affair even if it was white glue....

its forced and contrived and the Motivations are never touched on.... which is pretty typical for Blue88 story. We know Marty cannot talk and confront his wife but we dont know WHY. Was it his childhood? something in his past? This key point ruins the whole story.

And the rest of it predictable. Of course we knew the 3 of them were up in the cabin and drunk or at least George was. Of course we knew Marty would take off driving aimlessly for hours and not come out of his shock for hour and hours.

it's been a long time since you posted and after reading this story next time make it longer.

conveniently forgetting her "confession". No, not realistic.

He should have gone through with his lawyer, if only to make her feel what it's like to think your marriage is ending through her own stupidity.

I liked the story. And, YES, I read the author's "Note" at the end, apparently unlike alot of the comment writers. The author stated that there were still several lingering issues and questions to be answered, possibly by themselves in future writings, or to be picked up by another author for a continuing tale.

Like the others, I believe the ending should have been better thought out so as to answer some of the issues left unanswered. But, forgiving a few literary errors, I believe the story to be a great beginning to a worthy read in chapter form.

Rewrite the ending and continue with the tales of the characters. :)

what a mess. He's indecisive to the point of being annoying. The wife's idiotic behavior is absurd. Ironic that the author makes fun of his own whip-sawing back and forth betweeen character points of view. Amazing that everyone can forget the wife's confession to having had an affair.

what a mess is right.

It could have gone into satire as well .It was very well written which is why I read it all the way through but would hope it would get better ........It didnt . First you have a wimp that slinks around in self pity , then you have a wife that is manipulative and cruel . Then two women rape him while he is passed out . Then you have the wife and friend " suddenly " turn queer ........... WTF !!!!!! No need to tie up with another chapter of long winded totally ridiculous explanation .....let a sleeping dog lie on this one . 3 stars for writing quality , content ......NM .

Does Marty have memory problems, or is it Blue88? Rita told Marty she was having an affair and showed him the proof. That leaves more than a lingering question!

"Marty, I've been having an affair," he heard, as from a distance. His jaw dropped and his throat tightened, his words swallowed. He sat and just stared at his wife.

"Marty, did you hear me...I've been having an affair, and here's the proof. This will show you where I've been this afternoon. I've been getting laid, Marty. You won't do it, so I've found someone who will," and with that she lifted her legs, raised her skirt and showed Marty her sodden panties. She quickly shed them and spread her legs, displaying her labia, reddened vaginal lips and semen soaked pubic hair.

hayley, hayley, hayley

rita, rita

marty, marty,

never, never, never

shit, shit, shit

You're too excitable, calm down a bit. Get that nervous edge out of your head and out of your writing.

By the way your hero is a wimp no matter what the ending is, and that was your intention.

Blue88 is a good writer, but this story needed a few more passes through the word processor.

There were too many dangling plot threads, the lesbian thing was a red herring, and that oh-I'm-so-clever commentary when switching between scenes drove me bonkers.

I'd like to see this story re-edited and stripped of the editorial comments, some real drama introduced (as opposed to the melodrama presented as is), and re-presented as a Version 2.0.

First, Blue88 has written some of the best stories here. This obviously was a spoof. Others have pointed out its weaknesses so I will forgo that.

I'd like to see it tightened up a bit. Also, there were items left uncovered that are bigger than loose threads! However, it was a fun read.

Thanks for writing again!

Ttom

PBR in a frosted glass? That was funny. The confrontation happened so quickly that they probably didn't have time to make up a lie. I'll buy that. The glue could be explained away later to this particular man. What happened in the motel room was not his fault. What the wife did WAS her fault. She has done exactly what he thinks she has done. He is just wrong about the time, person and place.

Too many drinks when you dreamed this one up? There is nobody to like in this tale. Stay out of the booze before you write your next one. Wow, this is not the way to improve your image. Terrible, just terrible. Did you actually read this yarn before posting? ML

a very hard read. I forced myself to finish, but now I have a bad headache. Ouch!

but the lack of trust involved with Marty shows that they need some serious counselling or a divorce. Marriage is based on trust and at the first sign, he completely distrusts her.

What an asswipe.

The faked semen, intercorse with Jo. I don't think Marty should trust Rita. He still needs to move on.

like hell it is. way too many loose ends and theres the fact that his wife wants to blame everything on him, then not only comes up the shitty idea of pretending to have an affair but then actually have one with her best friend. of course, she now has to hell and scream and demean him because of this. this was fucking retarded and i hope you write a 2nd chapter and cop out because you wrote a shitty ending. he didnt cheat, he was basically raped where as his slut wife had a lesbian affair.

I enjoyed this story. Glad the husband had a big dick...finally someone in a story like this who had some size as he was getting "fucked' by his wife. Clever plot line...like a story from I Love Lucy. In fact as I was reading this I was thinking that this read like a sitcom...with all the quick cut scenes, the fun humor and the "zany" supporting cast. Tension, then the hilarity ensues. "Ricki" she wails..."You got some "plaining" to do" he says. "Oh Ricki", she coos. cut to commercial.

Loved it!! Hope you continue and tie up some of those lingering questions.

too many here have hit the problems square on the head. I like most of Blue88 stories, I think he's one hell of a good writer, but this story left me wanting. Thanks for the effort, let's hope your next one will be better.

Epilogue?

Do the girls start to get together every once in awhile? They ended up liking their surprise tryst - a little now and then (secretly) won't hurt.

Does Hayley confess to helping him and tell him what happened?

So, does Marty get sober seconds with Joanna and/or first w/Haley?

The story was different and showing a successful business man (educated and intelligent - a salesman and closer?) to be a little dimwitted, didn't fit but I guess, stranger things have happened and - marriages lost over misinterpretation!

Epilogue?

The ending really sucked any life this story had out of it.

Leaving unanswered questions is an effective story ending in some instances but you have left some that reduce the impact and believability of your yarn.

What about Rita's confession of infidelity? That's too large a plot element to ignore and simple end. Doing due diligence does't mean you can't leave some questions unanswered, but to ignore one of your own carefully developed questions leaves a most unsatisfying note to end upon.

The demystifiedguy.

I really liked it until the wife got it on with her friend and Marty got raped. No Rita wasn't guilty of an affair...until she got it on with Sandy. And Marty doesn't even know that he was sexually molested in his sleep by a fake lesbian and her room mate. Although if he was awake I am sure he would have had fun getting a little revenge on his wife.

Have to disagree with the comment that Sandy and Rita hooking up wouldn't hurt their spouses. It's still a deception and it's still cheating. Rita knew her marriage was in jeopardy but that didn't stop her.

Enjoyed it but I have to admit that the plot holes were enormous.A good romp though, I am sure that the gentleman will not be traumatized by his rape.... or was it his fantasy?

Cheating bitch wife and wimp husband... sluts all over the place and dumb as fuck in-laws... Gave it a 1.

is there are too many unresolved issues and this story is way, way below your abilities. Blue88, before casting my vote, I will wait until you sober up and write as you have in the past. Hope your head feels better soon.

Very poor writing. You are jumping all over the place. Your writing muddles the mind.

Welcome Back!!! You have been missed. I hope this means you are going to continue writing.

On the first page, it says that when Marty entered the cabin: "He immediately saw George tip-toeing out of the bathroom and down the short hall. Marty, being of sound mind, tip-toed quietly after him. When George slid into the second bedroom ..." Drunks don't tip-toe and slide--they stumble and stagger. Kate described George as being "in a stupor" and "drunk as a skunk" and basically incoherent. The story from Rita, George, and Kate doesn't fit with what George saw.

The tag for the story says cheating. There wasn't any! There wasn't much communication either! The bouncing back and forth in the story line didn't help.

First let me say welcome back. Nice to see you writing on the site again. Yes it jumped around but I saw that was the style you where going with - like a TV show on a specific house that is having issues on the inside but outside looks fine.

Second I am surprised that so many Anon had better comments then users for a change!!!

By your comments at the end this needs a follow up by YOU since there are some really big issues - as stated communication needs to take place or it still should or could end in a divorce. Marty's got confrontational issues and Rita's got anger issues so they are still far apart in there current time. So please do a follow up from your thoughts not other writers. Yes, encouragement not just on this story but more writing since I have enjoyed your past work!!! Very good and enjoyable reads well worth the time. Just as this was as well!

Thank you for writing it here for me to read!!!

You sure must be old (that 88 must be your age). I scanned down through all 20 -something comments and not a single one of those remembered who lives at 77 Wistful Vista Lane, the same couple that occupied it once a week for many a season - Fibber Magee and Molly, of course. Good story that describes so many of us in our daily lives - no communication.

Loved the humor and the jumping around (fits my ADD). Great to see your writing again.

The conspiratorial side of me agrees with MapleMilk. Drunks don't tiptoe and aren't quiet. But if he was tiptoeing then why is Kate supporting him?

Anyway thank you for a good story and a very good spring board.

You wrote "He was not far behind George when, by the moonlight streaming in the window, he saw Rita start, then lift her arms, welcoming her lover into her bed, murmuring "get in here, sweetie, but be quiet."

Marty, his mind blank and in a daze just turned and quietly and quickly left the cabin". The problem is timing. If Rita being awake started screaming when she realized that George was not Marty surely we are talking about seconds. How likely is it that Marty could quietly leave the cabin within seconds? He did not hear his wife screaming even though Kate heard her? How come neither Kate or Rita heard Marty's car leave given that the cabin was small? Would it be a hoot if George, Kate and Rita were keeping a secret just like the secret that Rita and Sandy were keeping from Marty? Interesting!

while I was driving to J-Ville to kick some time-warp Steele ass because I missed it and I NEVER misss anything posted by Blue88! This was a fun read, but more importantly, Blue has broken the ice and is posting again! He is one of the very best on this site and this is good news for us all.

Doesn't deserve a Feedback..

thank you a for great read, Blue88.

Even if you buy that lame explanation (other posters have already listed the problems) for the night at the cabin, there's still the little, "Look, Honey, I fucked another man!" display she put on. Marty knows that he saw and heard enough at the cabin to be convinced she was cheating with George. At home he saw and heard enough from his wife to be convinced she had fucked another man and was totally unrepentant. To counter this evidence, we have the wife and the possibly complicit friends saying, "Oh, no, it really wasn't what it looked like. Honest."

I'm glad to see you're posting stories again. I hope we get another one real soon. It might even be part 2 of this story because, for me, this mess still needs cleaned up. Thank you for sharing.

Over extended and boring to follow all the unesasary thinking of a man that can't keep balls long enough to rid himself of his screwed up slut wife, what a damned waste of words!!!

I'm ususally a big fan of yours but I didn't care for this one very much.

But..... This was well below your previous writing. I hope you continue to write and are able to get back to the previous quality.

come on the husband, knows for weeks and haas to get drunk, and the only reason he confronts them is because he has an hang over

creampies are going to be plentiful real soon!!!

I strongly suggest that you add a final chapter to this story, in which Rita, Kate and George congratulate themselves of having put a big one over Marty to make him believe that it was all a mistake of a drunk George and not an ongoing threesome among them.

She's so pissed that he's not "taking care of business" that she's threatening to find satisfaction elsewhere? I think I've go that right. IF I do, then she's a steal plated bitch.

Since she's so ready to cheat she probably already is cheating and with the Bro in law.

At least this is not a WIMP cuck story.

maybe their combined IQ is 100

WHOS AHEAD,,,,,WHOS THE HOME TEAM.....HOW ABOUT THE SUBS....DO THEY GET TO PLAY/////TK U MLJ LV NV

William would be proud!

Blue88,

Still laughing again on the re-read! Great story and writing. Can't believe I almost fell for it again! Was I gullible or what?

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Not a wonderful tale. Rather stupid.

The only thing right about this tale is the title, it aptly describes the whole load of rubbish.

I find it hard to believe that this came from the same pen as the other first class yarns you have produced.

are spinning in their tombs over the mess at their old house. TK U MLJ LV NV

That guy musthave been a retard! The author was a retard, this story was a total crash and burn situation!

He never asked about the goop

Almost a year has passed. All of these plot threads are still open. Your stories are usually so good that we are missing the next one. Please? Thanks.

The story was so hilarious that she never saw fit to share it with her clueless spouse. Even if he buys this load of crap, there are so many ways she lies & disrespects that I don't see him staying.

Hungarian for "turd burglar"

when you can believe your own eyes.HUH, TK U MLJ LV NV

,,,and then he's "hard as a rock"?

Something does not compute here.

I've seen your meaningless little messages from time to time, but that is alright, because I am aware that you have to hide behind your anonymous identity, because you don't have one for yourself. People like you are pathetic, you have nothing to live for outside of degrading other people to make yourself feel good.

Need to sit down before I get a tad ..............

(Sounds of running feet followed by a horrid retching sound ...)

Now isn't that sweet, but the dumb ass didn't question here about the glue on her cunt when she admitted to having an affair. Stupid story, if this guy had any brains he would be dangerous.

Some readers have had a sense of humour bypass operation. Sadly, it worked really well.

I actually read this to the end...I'm still looking for any kind of a story. Ummm, just what exactly was this supposed to be?

Pretty funny stuff actually. Even though it was supposed(?) to be serious I laughed a lot.

This would have been a decent story but you left one thing hanging. You should have had him ask about the glue concoction and her provide the explanation. As it is, it seems to be an open sticking point that could come back to bite them.

Otherwise, good job and thanks for writing!

Great story - wonderfully well told. One of the very best!

So, the bro-in-law was soooo drunk that he went to the wrong room and bed, and the wife just didn't notice that it wasn't her hubby. And this happened on a rare occasion when the wife didn't have her hubby there. This oopsie lasted maybe a few seconds, totally innocent. AND hubby unexpectedly showed up at the exact time to get the wrong impression. Sure, it's easy to see that happening. Then for no reason at all the wife, the bro-in-law, and his wife didn't mention the humorous incident. Most would assume that hubby would say "Sorry I got tied up working. How's Kate and George doing?" Did you guys have a good day yesterday?" Well, he's in real estate so he may get a great price on Alaskan orange groves. Humorous though.

This was apparently the writer's last submission. There are lots of open plot threads, and with the writer's past good stories, we all miss out on where these could have led.

that boy needs therapy.

No chapter 2 however. It would be great because everyone in this tale is nuts. Out of their fucking minds. I identify with that. Someone should finish this tale.

HA

Great story, but the issue of her telling him she had just fucked someone else (even showing him her cum soaked pussy) was never addressed. The reader knows the truth, but as far as he is concerned it was true.

Marty thinks that he's caught her cheating with George, etc. However, Rita in actuality HAS been her husband unfaithful with Sandy... Because it's a 'cute little lesbian shower'-show does not make it any less of cheating.

she's no longer posting her cuck wimp shit.

Kinda like tossing a pack of cards into the air and seeing which land face up and which land face down. This is a pack of cheaters. If you want to suggest that some land face up, then write about it instead of throwing the cards into the air.

What a waste of time this one was, way too much shit crammed into a lame, semi-cuck/wimp tale. Try finding an editor for any future submissions.

The ending stinks, which ruins the whole experience of the story. Not because of the decisions, facts and truths you've revealed at the end. It's just so very hurried, that the last impression your readers are left with is unsatisfying.

Totally leaving out the earlier confrontation when she told him that she was having an affair and showed him her pussy full of "cum".

So why is she so surprised and angry ?

How small a vacation house WAS it? Hubby was at the bedroom door when Buddy went in and Sweetie welcomed him! Hubby turns around, tiptoes back down the hall, past the bathroom towards the front door (probably on the other side of the living room!) How long does it take for Sweetie to recognize that it ain't Hubby and start the ruckus? LESS than Hubby's tiptoe time! Probably only gets half-way down the hall! Then ... pandemonium!

The internal dialogue in which Hubby engages (repeatedly) is just plain painful! As are the incidental trysts ... especially a heavily drunk Hubby getting a woody ... sure!

2*

the right title, WHAT A GODAMNED MESS ! ! ! It jumped back and forth so many times it should have been a ping pong game.

with Blue's efforts this time. The only reason there is a story is because all the characters - and I mean ALL - are completely and utterly stupid. If ANYONE had shown a modicum of sense, nothing out of the ordinary would have happened.

What a load of crap.