All Comments  for

Family Album

bygreenmountaineer©
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Comments (5)
by Anonymous

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by twelveoone01/10/11

*

Funky, liked alot, two not sures; white, and non cap for raggedy.I can see what you are doing with both, in the case of Raggedy Ann, it will be there anyway, by the non cap, it becomes a pointer, too oblivious, and you lose the ref.
How come score is turned off? Anyway, true 100.

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by Angeline01/10/11

Lovely slice of life

strong images that present a very clear picture. I love when a poem is all show and no tell. Only picky point is in last line: I would've said "puts raggedy Ann to bed" but maybe I'm not reading/understanding it correctly. Really enjoyed this read. Thank you for it.

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by UnderYourSpell01/10/11

~

Very thought provoking a girl not yet a woman still clinging to chilldish things, is she positioning herself by the slow moving cars for the reason I am imagining or am I reading that wrong?

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by vrosej1001/11/11

Cool stuff.

I got goth chick from this. Kudos on the use of lachrymose. I am reminded on the verbal smarts of the people with which I am hanging when you can use that word and no one asks what it mean -- I am so stoked. Getting a recommend.

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by greenmountaineer01/11/11

thanks for the comments

Angeline: you may be right; I was looking for a softer dactyl to end the poem than "puts to bed," but as I re-read it, any difference in sound to me was minor; 12o1: definitely should have been "black as night" instead. The lack of a capital R in raggedy may have been a misguided attempt to give the teenager a proper name, while alluding to the doll. UYS: the reference was to the mother hailing down a "John" or perhaps a drug dealer. "Gothic" works quite well, Vee, even though I hadn't thought it.

I have mixed feelings about voting;doesn't seem to be a true barometer. Stopped doing it when Tzara sang praise once for 1 of my poems and within minutes an anonymous "1" was posted. Makes no difference to me; I'll activate it if that's what everyone else is doing.

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