by mrswalsh
Sexy idea. But you need to re-write it. Add some build-up. Add more detail. Flesh it out a bit.
And as for the comment complaining on how "unrealistic" this story is, all I have to say is this: Why the FUCK do you even bother reading fiction if you're at ALL worried about realism? I thought that's why we read fiction was to ESCAPE REALITY. Want realism? Go read a history book. I'm here for fantasy.
Oh fuck off u dicks that write 'what a pile of crap' this is gd writing and there r some people that really enjoyed this story aka me!! This is gd writing and if u don't like it try writing your own for once and stop writing these comments on peoples work! I'd like to c how u find if people were to put these sort of things on yr own work! If u don't have anything gd 2 say don't fucking say it u pricks!
Well I really liked this story I want to read the follow up!! Keep writing regardless of wat some pricks say!
you seemed to spend a lot of the time talking about the backstory but only a few lines of the sex
"I slid my dick into her tight pussy and started fucking her as hard as I could.
"Oh alex, I'm going to cum."
"ALEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!" she screams at the top of her lungs.
Knock.. knock.. "