All Comments on 'The White Wolf Legend Ch. 01'

I can't really form an opinion, yet. A little confusing, a little rushed, not enough meat or character development to make an Informed choice. Excellent premise, though. Go back and flesh this out, and continue the story, and it will probably be a good one.

Don't forget to include descriptions of your characters in the next chapter. Height, frame, hair color, eye color, etc. We readers have some imagination, but usually it's after we have something to build upon. You seem like you have a good plot going, so I look forward to the next chapter. Happy writing!

Good start to the story with one or two little issues.

1, dont rush the pace of the story, you can flesh it out with background info and character descriptions will help.

2 you need to read your dialog out loud to yourself, if it sounds natural it will flow better.

Hope you dont mind the advice and I look forward to the next chapter.

to form an opinion. I wish you had given me more story to connect with. I will read the next chapter, if for no other reason than you are a new author still working out the kinks, that and I think this story has potential. So I wish you luck and again I will be watching for chapter 2.

It is too short to form an opinion and rate accurately I hope the next chapter is longer.

hey everyone. i had chapter 2 done a few weeks ago, but i belive i am going to go back and redo it. make it longer and more details. Also i am going to have to search for a new editor. So give me a few weeks and i should have chapter 2 here.

Hello. I love werewolves, and I'm interested in your story so far. The only constructive criticism I have is that I would like to see more character development. :D I'd like to get a better feel for the personalities of the characters and know more about them. I also agree with one of the other critiques in regards to the story pace. I think it's moving a little too fast. But I certainly don't think this is a bad story so far and I'm interested to see where you go with it! Good job-keep writing. :)

Not really enough to sink my teeth into yet to be sure if I will like your story or not. The only real thing is that you should double check your grammar on a few of the sentences you left out words and commas so it was difficult to read.

You have a nice beginning. I agree with the char development several others have said. I'd like to know what the main chars look like as well. And I am a bit confused about something too. Is Sara a teenager? I ask because by the way her father treats her, it seems like she's still a child. Just wanted to clarify that. Your story has great potential and I'll look forward to see what happens next.

Your story looks like it could be a good one. I think it's good that you want to get an editor. I felt like a few sentences were written a bit awkwardly. I think alot of people sometimes write things differently than they'd be said in conversation. The only thing I would say is to either add transitional statements or to put a line that shows a switch such as between the spot where you told Jake to get his mate and then went to the four having a conversation in the next paragraph. Other than that I look forward to more

Your story seems a bit too rushed. You should spend some time developing the characters and the plot more.

I love werewolves stories, but am lost I know that you say that it's your 1st, but need more to read more I am waiting for your installment hoping that it will better.

hey

i wanted everyone to know that i have chapter 2 done and working on trying to find a editor. having trouble finding one at the moment. i hope i can very soon