Don't let the English Majors discourage you. Lit writing is for fun.I loved your story line as it included the husband urging the wife onward. The build up is as important as the act. I find it very hard ( no pun intended)
to extend the story line when your horny.Dear lady, you did very well.
Thanks , Keep Well Don
"The English Majors" are not trying to discourage you; they're ENCOURAGING you to make your story more readable and therefore more enjoyable. Another hint I'd give you is to make your entire story in the past tense. When an author switches from past to present tense, the story changes from fiction to fantasy, and personally I find reading fiction much more erotic than fantasy.
All that being said, the notion of a man encouraging his wife to fuck their son is a powerful turnon of mine, so I like your plot. Your writing has the Erotica - it just needs more Lit.
A good first attempt. Keep up the effort, clean up the technical stuff a little and you'll start earning high marks.
by
Anonymous03/03/11
Good Job
Great premise. Your story , for a first rings with a little truism. LOL.. Looking forward to more of your work as I suspect it may be a work of love....Jim
by
Anonymous03/03/11
A really nice story for your first time! Your son may have the same fantasy as you!
by
Anonymous03/03/11
Liked It!
Mommy getting fucked by her son is always a good theme. Very sexy but love is involved.
by
Anonymous03/03/11
Needs something more
Normally, I say something was well written but lacks 'je ne sais quoi'...something not easily described. In THIS case, the story needs some serious editing. The prose are as if it was dictated and transcribed with no alteration. Grammatically, virtually every sentence is wrong. If the plot was unique or rivetting, I would hold my comments, but the overall story is extremely mundane.
Not that I'm saying that the story wasn't good, because it was a good story.
I just think it could have been better.
Perhaps if the mother would have build up the sexual lust before going to her son's room. Maybe a couple of days of wanting her son before finally seducing him.
Perhaps more detail of what her feelings were prior to the encounter, and then a better description of what she felt as she was being fucked.
With all of that said, I still enjoyed the sex between the mom and her son.
As a very amateur writer here at literotica let me first welcome you. Secondly, I urge you to keep on writing, and try to make each story better than the one before it. This is a fun play to write and read, as I'm sure you'll find out.
I happened upon your story because it appeared on the "most comments in the last 24 hours" section, and because the topic interests me I read it, as well as the comments after the story.
I think you wrote the story with a lot of enthusiasm and you were clearly excited by what you were writing. That's great, but it shows in the writing, which had a breathless quality about it, like you were so excited about what was going to happen next, that you didn't pay attention to what you were writing now. I know this because I find myself doing the same thing myself from time to time. Slow down, and after you finish the story read it aloud to yourself. You will find that you will get a better feel for how it will go over with others.
As for the comments about the "grammar police", I'm surely not one of them, but your story has a whole lot of misspelled, incorrect and run-on words, and the one commentator was correct in that literotica usually rejects stories with this many spelling errors in them. I got one rejected last month that had 5 misspelled words in 2 full literotica pages. It ticked me off, but they were right in rejecting it. Once it gets posted it's up there for all to see.
Using quotation marks is also imperative for dialogue, as it not only makes the story more readable but it also helps flesh out the personalities of the characters and makes the readers care about them. Use the dialogue to make the characters distinguishable by their words and tone.
I know I have, and I think you too will find as you go on that you appreciate the people that give you honest criticisms (not the ones that just tell you that you suck without offering anything else), which I hope you take this as, and I wish you good luck and much fun in the future.
by
Anonymous03/04/11
I thought it was a good effort for a first timer, well done! Keep it up, I look forward to more from you. xx Ken
AFTER READING YOUR STORY, EYE RED ALL OF THE COMMENTS..BUTT BEE-CAUSE. EYE DEW KNOT RIGHT ANY TYPE OF STORIES.THEIR-FORE MY OPINION WILL PROBABLY MATTER ONLY TWO MYSELF..YOUR SUBMISSION WAS, & STILL IS A LOT EASIER TWO READ THAN THIS HEAR COMMENT OF MINE.and a hole lot more interesting..sew please keep righting...bottom line:IF ONE CAN READ THEN,THANK A TEACHER... IF ITS WRITTEN INN ENGLISH THEN THANK A VET..
brilliant first story hasbands fantasy comes true.
readuing this was like being right there watching the fucking going on. awesome story love it keep them cumming. your good with out a doubt/
English
Almost romantic
Don't let the English Majors discourage you. Lit writing is for fun.I loved your story line as it included the husband urging the wife onward. The build up is as important as the act. I find it very hard ( no pun intended)
to extend the story line when your horny.Dear lady, you did very well.
Thanks , Keep Well Don
Story needs work
"The English Majors" are not trying to discourage you; they're ENCOURAGING you to make your story more readable and therefore more enjoyable. Another hint I'd give you is to make your entire story in the past tense. When an author switches from past to present tense, the story changes from fiction to fantasy, and personally I find reading fiction much more erotic than fantasy.
All that being said, the notion of a man encouraging his wife to fuck their son is a powerful turnon of mine, so I like your plot. Your writing has the Erotica - it just needs more Lit.
I agree
A good first attempt. Keep up the effort, clean up the technical stuff a little and you'll start earning high marks.
Good Job
Great premise. Your story , for a first rings with a little truism. LOL.. Looking forward to more of your work as I suspect it may be a work of love....Jim
A really nice story for your first time! Your son may have the same fantasy as you!
Liked It!
Mommy getting fucked by her son is always a good theme. Very sexy but love is involved.
Needs something more
Normally, I say something was well written but lacks 'je ne sais quoi'...something not easily described. In THIS case, the story needs some serious editing. The prose are as if it was dictated and transcribed with no alteration. Grammatically, virtually every sentence is wrong. If the plot was unique or rivetting, I would hold my comments, but the overall story is extremely mundane.
I seemed as if the story was a little rushed
Not that I'm saying that the story wasn't good, because it was a good story.
I just think it could have been better.
Perhaps if the mother would have build up the sexual lust before going to her son's room. Maybe a couple of days of wanting her son before finally seducing him.
Perhaps more detail of what her feelings were prior to the encounter, and then a better description of what she felt as she was being fucked.
With all of that said, I still enjoyed the sex between the mom and her son.
Thanks for the read.
Welcome!
As a very amateur writer here at literotica let me first welcome you. Secondly, I urge you to keep on writing, and try to make each story better than the one before it. This is a fun play to write and read, as I'm sure you'll find out.
I happened upon your story because it appeared on the "most comments in the last 24 hours" section, and because the topic interests me I read it, as well as the comments after the story.
I think you wrote the story with a lot of enthusiasm and you were clearly excited by what you were writing. That's great, but it shows in the writing, which had a breathless quality about it, like you were so excited about what was going to happen next, that you didn't pay attention to what you were writing now. I know this because I find myself doing the same thing myself from time to time. Slow down, and after you finish the story read it aloud to yourself. You will find that you will get a better feel for how it will go over with others.
As for the comments about the "grammar police", I'm surely not one of them, but your story has a whole lot of misspelled, incorrect and run-on words, and the one commentator was correct in that literotica usually rejects stories with this many spelling errors in them. I got one rejected last month that had 5 misspelled words in 2 full literotica pages. It ticked me off, but they were right in rejecting it. Once it gets posted it's up there for all to see.
Using quotation marks is also imperative for dialogue, as it not only makes the story more readable but it also helps flesh out the personalities of the characters and makes the readers care about them. Use the dialogue to make the characters distinguishable by their words and tone.
I know I have, and I think you too will find as you go on that you appreciate the people that give you honest criticisms (not the ones that just tell you that you suck without offering anything else), which I hope you take this as, and I wish you good luck and much fun in the future.
I thought it was a good effort for a first timer, well done! Keep it up, I look forward to more from you. xx Ken
Great first story
What a lovely little story to get you up and running..
I'm ready for more!!
Hot mom!
I enjoyed it a lot!
Nice
Very erotic descriptions.
On to read the next one.
gentle and subtle
that's the way it should always happen
soooo hot!
Incredible story! Am so happy with the pace and would have loved it to have been a little longer! Need much much more!
I ENJOYED IT.. ( -:
AFTER READING YOUR STORY, EYE RED ALL OF THE COMMENTS..BUTT BEE-CAUSE. EYE DEW KNOT RIGHT ANY TYPE OF STORIES.THEIR-FORE MY OPINION WILL PROBABLY MATTER ONLY TWO MYSELF..YOUR SUBMISSION WAS, & STILL IS A LOT EASIER TWO READ THAN THIS HEAR COMMENT OF MINE.and a hole lot more interesting..sew please keep righting...bottom line:IF ONE CAN READ THEN,THANK A TEACHER... IF ITS WRITTEN INN ENGLISH THEN THANK A VET..
having a son to fuck only makes her more horny
brilliant first story hasbands fantasy comes true.
readuing this was like being right there watching the fucking going on. awesome story love it keep them cumming. your good with out a doubt/
erotic
such a wonderful fantasy!
School
Back to School. Spelling & grammar are atrocious6C35
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