Ok, Daddy," she said. "And then you'll pound the shit out of me?" this appeared to be timely entry. was it planned?
Nice. Only one quibble - "ass juice." I know anal is smelly and potentially much worse, but "ass juice?" I'll rim my wife anytime she asks for it, but the first time I get "ass juice..." Oof! Anyway, hot shit, man. Damn if I don't love a woman who takes control.
Agree with Chimney Sweep: ass juice is kind of a turn-off term. Other than that, this was amazingly well-written (though I suspected the "twist") and hot. Deservedly a 5 star effort!
I loved the playfulness and humor sprinkled throughout the hot "affair." I, too, suspected the "twist" but really loved the story. I can't wrap my head (or mouth for that matter) around the whole ATM thing, but this was HOT!
I like how you manipulate the PoV. We can see how sexy Lois is, although she thinks she's dull and chubby. Your writing is so real, nothing air-brushed or trimmed, and that makes it extra hot hot hot!
Uh ... excuse me, I must just pop out and buy some more batteries ... ;)
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