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All Comments on 'She Arrived, I Came.'
by vrosej10
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- 5 Comments
twelveooneabout 13 years ago*
never write when excited, the flow (pardon) is ok, yes some nice alliteration, but shows serious lack of thought, planning, editing.
5
Angelineabout 13 years agoNow you need to write
about 25 more of these for the erotic chapbook. Excellent but only in the context of other poems like it, imo
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years agoThe.....
...last line could go. The rest, as you've said, is very spontaneous. Try "butterY" instead of "butterED" for the aliteration and the image....shades of Last Tango. Nicely formed too.
Tess
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