Heritage

I am so proud of you for submitting your story. I am looking forward to reading more and I expect great things from you. :D

Interesting!

I feel like Mr Burns whenever I say that, my fingers fanning out across my desk with a sinister smile lol

Donalde - this is an interesting beginning. I am liking the layout, you gave us a lot to process in such a small piece, but in eatable bites. Can't wait to read more :)

FYI - welcome to the writers club my friend.

AWWE!

This story has a lot of promise and I love how it's developing. Your readers have a lot to look forward to, that I can grantee .

Congratulation on your first post, was ecstatic when I realized you submitted the first chapter!

a nice start to what i'm sure will turn out to be a wonderful story.

welcome to the big boys club ;-)

Very interesting Story

Excellent start to what appears to be a very promising story I just wish it was a bit longer but it stopped at a good point.

Okay.....

you got me as a fan for life! somewhat patiently waiting for the next chapter, Lisa.

....

Looking forward to reading more.... there is a lot going on here... going to go back and reread! ;)

Interesting Start

You really have a lot going on. I think a good author always leaves me wanting more and you have done that. I can't wait for the next chapter to learn more about the background of your characters and more on the plot of your story. Good luck on your journey as an author. Again, I'll be looking for the next chapter.

Oh my *blushes* at the comment, All I did was get out the 'tweaking' stick and whack it about a bit.
No honestly Don good job, welcome to the submitters club and keep up the writing.

Refreshing!

Lovely opening start to a refreshing tale. I really like the magical world you are creating. I like your imagination and am looking forward to learning more about the characters.

Keep an eye on the way you're switching tenses when you write. You're going from past to present tense which can be a little distracting. Doesn't stop me wanting to read more of this interesting story but thought to mention it as it can improve your writing.

I really enjoyed this immensely. Thanks so much for taking the plunge and posting up so we could all enjoy!

Jaz
xxx

Good start!

The starting was just so cute! But like Jaz says, gotta work on those tenses or ask your editor to fix them. =) The other errors are minor and can be overlooked for now. I'm sure you'll improve in time.

Oh yes, I realise that I read and write too much NonHuman aka Vampire/Werewolf stories that I don't know what's a Druid. =( Had to google it and realise they're really cool! Okay, I'm looking forward to your next chapter!

magic exists

Not "magic exist"

Bio comment

On you Bio page, you occasionally offer updates.
"chapter xx was summited today" should read "chapter xx was submitted today", with two t's.
Good luck.

good start

Intriguing, plan to read the rest of it this week when I'm off.

Please learn how to use a comma correctly.

I am only halfway through this story but am finding it very difficult to read your writing. Your editor should be fired! Neither of you seems to grasp some of the most basic fundamentals of elementary school grammar. Yes I do know this is a harsh comment, but, it is very annoying to have to literally try to decipher what message you are trying to convey. Of the many grammatical errors, some of which can be overlooked, your misuse of commas is the most frustrating. Particularly, as I actually think that you really do have the capacity to be a very good writer and, from what I can decipher thus far, you actually do have a story here that is worth telling. Story telling ability and imagination is ultimately the crux of a good writer. Proper grammar and punctuation is something that a good editor can help with or that a writer can learn to become good at. Good writing is invisible. By that I mean, a reader should be able to lose themselves in the story you are telling and the imaginative world you are creating. This cannot happen when the reader is stumbling over every poorly constructed sentence and cringing at the appalling lack of proper punctuation. You might consider removing this story, having it edited properly, and then resubmitting it. I hope that you will take my remarks as constructively (and positively) as they are meant. I think your story could be a great one, but I just don't know if I have the patience to persevere with such a poorly edited text.


Below is an example of the effect of commas on the meaning of a sentence that my high-school English teacher once used - I suggest reading the text out loud, pausing where the commas are of course.

Consider this:

"Woman without her Man is nothing"

Adding punctuation, this could read: "Woman, without her Man, is nothing." This sentence suggests that women are worthless without men.

These words could also be made to convey the exact opposite message. As in: "Woman. Without her, Man is nothing."

Please contemplate the differences in meaning with different punctuation and try to pay a little bit more attention to this in your stories. I would also encourage you to start interviewing new editors immediately.

First thought

I like it,I can see me becoming hooked. Now onto chapter 2. Hi ho hi ho it's of the read I go!!!

I'm Hooked

Great start!