All Comments on 'Hell Conceived For Ballerinas.'

Or is your inspiration from elsewhere? Nice effort regardless. S.O.

Je-zus, listen to the words, this is damn near perfect, maybe is, I can't suggest an improvement - well maybe one - I wonder how one more "all repeating" would go over

5stars and 5more

the only thing you might consider is replacing "slippers" with toe shoes. I say that because I always liked the use of toe shoes in ballerina poems, but here it would give you an opportunity for a bit of added internal rhyme and alliteration... "toe shoes" with rose and pose, but then again, perhaps not...

anyway, I am drawn to ballerinas, even those shackled in rose chiffon. Well done

jth : )

anon saw imprisoned as "imprism'd" . this anon left a 5 and a very well done. (and a shame on you all for judging all anons by one idiot anon's actions)

Love the extended image and the way it opens like a kaleidoscope to that last image of mirrors extending to infinity. I agree with jthserra that toe shoes would be a more precise image and work better with the notion of being imprisioned (I studied ballet for years as a kid and know the torture of toe shoes), but that's a small point in a wonderful write. :-)

...my accolades.

Tess

I'm going to be Doubting Thomas and say that the beginning and end are wonderful but the lines "slippers/they switch pose to pose" need developing (and not for toe-shoes!). This is the poem's weak point(e). Much love.

This is damn good! I loved the first line after the title. "Perfectly imperfect" seems such a perfect (pardon me) way to describe hell for a ballerina who represents perhaps more than any other artistic convention striving for perfection. Don't we all in our poetry? and the not making it

shackles" us (at least some of us) forever.

A very high 5 from me who usually has reservations about very brief lines of verse.

As good as anything you have done. previous comment about slippers is on the mark but Im uncertain about toe shoes

great visuals, tight, colour <i>and</i> movement!

don't like the suggestion for 'toe-points' but that may be more a language/cultural thing... pumps don't quite do it justice, and 'pointes' would certainly provide the hellishness. however, perhaps 'demi-pointes switch pose to pose' might work even better sound-wise, linking throughout the write with similar sounds and offering that bridge between the softness of the rose chiffon and the harsh inflexibility of pointes... means you could drop that 'they' from the line; it angles out a bit and not in a good way for me.

i forgot to mention the final extension you provide us with in the delivery of that image... the mirrors opening out, one after the other, endlessly... it's fant-tastic! (and i like how it makes me think of the extension required by the dancer's limbs, time after time after time....)