All Comments on 'Oh My God! Is He Fucking Her Ass?'

At least the writer recognises that his 'literotica' is in fact, and I quote, crude. I will ensure that I never read any of his efforts again: spare me!

Worst I've read yet. And that's saying something.

It reminded me of the movie The Notebook. Touching, bittersweet and full of love, trust, devotion and dignity.

Lol funny

Awesome! But still hoping Carmen will be pursuaded to give out some rimjobs.

the writing, the content and the plot were all sad. Maybe there was redeeming value there for someone but I didn't see it.

Whoever left the comment about the 'Notebook', you're awesome!

this is a good story. it reminded me of the fucked up situations i used to get into when i smoked up...granted i never ended up fucking any of my female friends in the ass

The story has possibilities. Christine could develop into an interesting character (aside from being an anal ho), and Maria could be a first-time double play (Christine and Tony start Maria on the right path). But this story started nowhere and ended there, with nothing much in the middle.

So here are my quibbles, offered in the hope that Donkee does something better next time.

didn't mean too, I just kind of did..."|Should be didn't mean to, I just kind of did." Three dots mean elision, a pause or omission. Four dots end the sentence.

"Alright, I'm leaving now..."|Should be All right, Im leaving now. Misspelling; also see comment above.

her jean's pocket|Here the exception proves the rule. While the phrase seems singular possessive, and therefore justifies the s construction, jeans are, by custom, a pair (one doesnt wear a jean, one wears a pair of jeans) and therefore the plural is here correct usage. Now strictly speaking one might require the s construction, thus: her jeans pocket, that is to say, the pocket belonging to her plural jeans, but that is too technical even for me, mirabile dictu, so better use the colloquial her jeans pocket.

"Yes, you can get snuggly too, you baby," Maria said as she lifted the blanket and motioned for Christine to get under."|Why the second close quotation marks? The sentence was fine until then. Read your stories carefully before hitting the submit link.

Hopefully I'll be back in a couple hours.|I realize this is dialog and that people talk this way. Correctly, the phrase is a couple of hours, partitive genitive.

Alright that's easy|Should be All right, thats easy.

"Hey, you gotta to do what you gotta do right? I know Maria's parents would of killed her if she got caught stealing."|Grammar first, then the lecture. Should be wouldve, contraction of would have. Would of is like huked on fonix wurked fur mi. And if Marias parents had talked to her and brought her up properly, they wouldnt have to kill her if she got caught stealing, because shed know better than to steal or associate with those who do. As it is, Maria has become the ho (not hoe, thats an agricultural implement; ho is a slang term for whore, which more accurately states Marias case) who would associate with thieves.

a party I went too with Maria| Should be went to with Maria

Tony inhale deeply...| Should be Tony inhale deeply.... Four dots end sentence.

her problems you pussy...|Should be her problems you pussy.... Four dots end sentence. And let us know when you shift points of view.

eating technique is sorta weak...|Four dots end sentence. Write that on the blackboard 100 times.

pant's pocket|Should be pants pocket. See discussion above. And wasnt she wearing jeans before? Did she stop at Banana Republic and buy new clothes or what?

Tony gulped so hard he was actually scared Christine could hear it from across the room.|Tony may be breathless but you have no such excuse. Clumsy and sloppy; try this: Tony gulped so hard Christine could hear it from across the room; he was actually scared. That, old boy, is an English sentence.

I'm going to let you fuck my vagina?| Why vagina? Christine would hardly get clinical on us, now would she, with her anus aimed at the ceiling and her mind tuned to fuck? Why not: I'm going to let you fuck my cunt? And knock me up with your limp-dick bastard?

Alright bitch...| Four dots end the sentence. And the words are All right.

"Oh... Look at you, licking your girlfriend's best friend's asshole... You're a very bad boy Tony..."|Absolutely correctI knew you could do it! Until you fell at the last fence, and me wager went doon the nick. Four dots, me ol darlin, four dots to end a sentence.

"You're such a dirty hoe."|A dirty hoe is the badge of a careless gardener. A dirty ho is par for the course.

I told Maria to keep hers shut and she didn't..."| Sing the following to the tune of Three Coins in the Fountain: Four dots end a sentence, three dots signify elide, if you cant grasp that fact yet, you had better go and hide.

Donkee, I had hopes of something better, so I wasted a good hour on this. You can do better, I know. Now go and do better.

And I wanted to leave.

,,,,,WOW, great writing developing their sexuality !! now, write a series about their new jobs as the beach bar's erotic masseuses at the Hilton's nudist resort in Cancu.and they are live on the internet 24/7..they are popular and average 18 half hour "sessions" per day each..the resort has to build bleachers for the loud drunk audiences...next week the NFL & NBA NAACP conference starts...Shak .(7'6"380LB.) has a hour each day for each of these insatiable goddesses....what fun ,,Looking forward to your stories

I had read maybe a third of this story and found myself looking more into the story than just reading a lit story. The characters are real enough with a touch of freshness to them. I started even started analyzing the dialogue, which was well done by the way.

This is one of the better stories that I've seen in a while. I'd like to see more and very soon please.

Carver

Shut the fuck up its a fucking erotic story not a fucking English book! stupid ass

I think estrogen has got some good advice for me there. Yes, he did reveal to everybody that he has a sad little life... I mean spending an hour on a donkeepuncher story? Of all the things he could of done?

I appreciate that old timer.... <-- look four dots...er periods.

Perhaps if you'd spent the extra hour I wouldn't have had to. If I didn't think you had a spark of talent I definitely wouldn't waste my time. As for your "sad life" comment, if you value your own work so little you clearly don't have a clue. As for anonymous, I don't respond to anonymous comments; anonymous equals coward, and I won't talk to cowards.

I just checked out your 'oeuvre' on your profile... Please don't give me advice. I want to have my word porn read. Some of your well written work with zero mistakes has 290 views... 290.

The chapter of your 'series' that I clicked on has like 2000 views....

I don't understand? I mean it's written so well and all.............

Having searched for original ideas in both your profiles; unfortunately we found nothing of interest! DP first drew us in some months ago, when he wrote about Anal Virgin slut "Christine" and her 'head' teacher, but sadly his work has deteriorated ever since! As for the other sad old Guy, his work fails to interest avid dedicated Anal or CFNM fetish practitioners like ourselves! Why can't you vanilla writers understand it, about the thrill of 'masturbation humiliation' or gaining an instant erection due to Anal excitement? My God: If you are both 'past it' why not get together and masturbate with a massive double dildo up both your respective asses, studying a Latin/English Thesaurus as you orgasm simultaniously then sit and write about having a truly worthwhile experience? Alternatively write to Mistress Barbara, or visit Master Kent stark naked, if you dare?

More Carmen sexcapades please

Damn she a freak ain't dat yo bestfriend and yhu just gone suck her boyfriend dick crazy A'F damn all nasty

God fucking Jesus up the ass. After that, they suck each other's cock and swallow.