All Comments on 'Pure Moonlight Ch. 02'

She is afraid of her attraction to him, but why? And the ex-boyfriend whose eyes turned red and hissed at the wolves, might he be a vampire? I guess I'll have to stay tuned for the next episode!

You have a talent, no doubt however..slow down girl! The story was very fast and it took a few reads to understand where you're taking it (and im a fast reader). It is distracting when Ally rushes from one action to the next and in real life the poor girl would be seeing stars. I understand you want to tell us what is happening but take a minute and read what you're writing carefully, say it out loud (that helps me). If you are out of breath think how your reader will be after reading it. A proof reader or an editor would be able to help in that department. I hope this advice is helpful to you, cos I love your story. :)

Thanks for the comment Pheonixbreeze- I admit this chapter was rushed with all the comments asking for more. As it happens I don't have an editor... I will take your comment to heart and in mind for the next chapter.

:)

Shadowsung <3

Well the advice was kindly ment and hopefully it will help. Dont rush just because people expect a chapter a day, you will burn yourself out girl. Im as impatient as the next gal but please take your time and you might find it helps the flow of the story. An editor would help as said and lots of people willing to offer that service on Lit, check out the available editor section on the forum if no one has offered their services yet. :)

with Pheonixbreez. Take your time. This is your story and you get to tell it the way you want. And if you ask for ideas from your fans, you don't have to use the most popular idea or any of them if they don't feel right for your story. The most important thing is to write because you enjoy it, if you aren't enjoying yourself it will come across in your story.

My final comment.

Relax and have some fun w/this

I really like the story line you have started here. I do agree with the others that you need to slow down. It took me a few re-reads to see what was really happening. We are all impatient, lol, but I know I'd rather wait a few extra days for a well-written and very descriptive chapter!! Please don't rush the story-- let it unravel the way you want it to. Pacing is everything! Let there be build-up and anticipation of what is to come... that's one of the best parts.

I am very excited to see what her ex is as well as what she is... this whole channeling of power and him "flying" backwards, as well as that no one else has been able to catch him off-guard before. It leaves it open for you to take it somewhere interesting! And, I can't wait to see where :-)

It is great to see a continuation.<br/>

That said, yes, I know we all pushed for you to continue. It is our right to demand more (it is <i>not</i> our right to get more...) but just because everyone is screaming for the next chapter do not let that cause you to rush!<br/>

Take your time, do things the way you want to (Just as it is our right to demand, we can tell you our opinions, but again, you should write what you want to write and not what the comments seem to be demanding you write, your story, your decisions.) but most of all, have fun and Keep Writing!<br/>

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I await the next chapter.<br/>

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-- <br/>

-ShadowedDreams

I didn't want it to end! Please submit the next chapter as soon as you can!

I love this series you've got me hooked! Please write more quick!

I normally don't like it when a writer jumps right into the heavy-petting or sex. (I like a story first, something to go on, and THEN intimate stuff). But the way you wrote, I thought, went really well with the story! :D Please keep writing more. I am really liking this series so far, and I like Ally. She doesn't seem like the push-over type, but she's also not too tough.

I adore this story and quite like your other as well. I truly hope you continue both and can't wait till you post more :)

This is really good! I think you have great potential (and I am very picky about what I bother to read :) ) Just work hard. Also, I have to say that I much prefer this story to A Wolf's Tail

Please don't keep us waiting.

i love both your stories keep them coming

I can't wait for you to write some more

great great great

I really love storyline so far but in reality if Ally had broken ribs she'd be in more pain. Zac shoving her against a wall really hard would have caused her much pain. Just a suggestion but before submitting you should reread your story for accuracy and credibility.

I read the other comments so I know you rushed a bit through this Ch. All in all it was very interesting. You gave them some good chemistry and gave us some background on Zac. Oddly enough I formed a good "like" for Keith in the few sentences he showed up.

Follwing Ally into the next Ch...

this a great story but with two broken ribs wouldna it be harder for ally to move? no doc is tha great that he can completely erase the pain of that so it would stand to reason that she has to be more then human. my ma's a doctor and she tells us about big grown men with cracked ribs howling and crying like bairns

I'd generally agree with the anon who commented before me, but (speaking from experience) adrenaline helps you ignore massive amounts of pain. Car accident w/ 2 broken wrists still managed to get my unconscious passenger out of the wreck.

Very good story, if you made any grammar/spelling mistakes I didn't catch them because I was too enthralled in the story.

Bjorn Gunnar

I read the first chapter and was intrigued but this chapter was terrible. No respectable woman in her right mind would wake up in a strange place with a strange man, accept all of his words, and get all hot and heavy with him. I don't care how sexy he is. He could be God, but he still needs more explaining than that. You rushed that. And you tried to balance it with her getting mad but you don't stray from being mad by being forced against a wall and willingly be sexed up by a stranger. Zac is a flat character and Ally is all over the place, I'm done reading for now. Sorry.

This is rushed; and I felt your other story was rushed too. You have characters with potential and a world built up in your head - that comes through - but needs to be put down on the page. Judging from your writing you have the ability to make this really enthralling. I think you need to slow down, pace yourself and really explore their emotions. Don't tell us it all, show us!

That said, I am enjoying it and will carry on reading, so carry on writing! (And I look forward to seeing your improvement and progression as a writer)

C'mon...done reading? I'm sure you weren't. I agree this chapter moved a bit too rapidly but I do love your writing style. "....feeling his eyes bleed back into their human green hue." Now that's a line I wouldn't forget in a hurry. Keep writing!!

Ally is coming off as nuts. Her reactions make no sense and she seems bipolar.