All Comments on 'Fucking Lizzie'

by feliciacosmina

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  • 2 Comments
buttersbuttersalmost 13 years ago
this is suffering, i'm afraid :(

and it's because you ended up forcing lines/words to fit a rhyme-scheme that managed to strangle any passion it intended to convey. the dirty, dark and horny is left as trite, manipulated and boring. sorry :(

perhaps try writing this again, keeping all the vivid imagery in mind and forgetting about trying to make it rhyme... it doesn't have to rhyme to be poetry :)

yukimiyukimiabout 10 years ago

YOU'RE GOOD - VERY GOOD

YUKIMI

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