All Comments on 'Forbidden Trio'

by HardlyForgotten

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  • 5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
off

Mostly ok story but some of your descriptors seemed out of place. Wrestling a cock into your mouth???.

It was also hard for me to imagine some of the activities being possible in the positions you have the characters in.

In the end the proper word is "pact" not pack.

Overall ok. Keep up the hard work.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
Word Choice.

Perhaps you might blame this on your voice recognition software, but pretty well every paragraph has a bad word choice.

In the first, the duo were 'forging' for food, the second, the girls eyes 'inflamed' themselves, the third paragraph, the 'binds' of friendship were overstepped.

And so it continued, Victor 'devoutly' grabbing her right tit, and later Christian grabbing both with 'veracity'.

And to complete the series, the last paragraph shortest of them all, had the three made a 'pack' never to tell.

Maybe it's your accent with crappy VR software, a slack editor, or did you just print and mail?

Disappointedly

Kilroy.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
...WOW, KAYLA IS HOT AND WANTS TO GET SATISFIED !!!

...good writing building Kayla's sexual desire level, now write some stories about the fellows taking Kayla on a cruise..only Kayla has a job as the poolside erotic masseuse and it is a nudist African swingers cruise trip..Kayla is popular and averages 18 half hour "sessions" per day and she is live on 800 tv screens on the ship..the casino has betting on whether she can get 3 orgasms out of a client in 30 minutes..Kayla really loves the huge horse-size hung basketball players..what fun..Looking forward to your future "massage" stories ...Thanks for writing ,,,::::,,,,

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
Lol

Superb end

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
Make up your mind!

Is Victor already next to her or across the room? Is Kayla wearing jeans or sweatpants? So many inconsistencies that I quit reading. Revise and rewrite please!!! And...forging for food? Really?!

Anonymous
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