All Comments on 'Heaven'

This was a pretty good first story, but I was a little disrtracted by the typos. You need to edit, but by edit, I don't mean get one of the so called "editors" on here to help you, you need to do it yourself. It's the only way to truly improve your writing. Think of it like tying your shoes. If you always have someone do it for you, you'll never learn how. Read through your stories... out loud if possible, or even better, have someone read them out loud TO you. Yu know what the story is supposed to sound like in YOUR head, now hear how someone else interpets or "hears" your story.

John (WritingKnight)

i loved it, wonderful to suck a cock to completion