All Comments on 'Waiting for God at the Port Authority'

by greenmountaineer

Sort by:
  • 11 Comments
simply__mesimply__mealmost 13 years ago
Now

this is good poetry, no doubt. It's cool how you start in the present and drift back in the second stanza. Also, the poem is understandable or clear in meaning (my brain is still trying to awaken--so that was good). I don't remember ever reading a comparison of wine in a brown bag the way you wrote it. That is one thing I love about poetry, reading combinations of words taken to new places. The only thing is the last line. . . I'm kinda mixed on it. Maybe better just left out, but, I need to read it a few more times, and, you know time, it flies when work and breakfast beckon. A five.

twelveoonetwelveoonealmost 13 years ago
A5

Doesn't reach for the big one (not counting toes), I like that. End is nice (as to who?). A little grim and gritty for my refined ethereal taste. Rosie in a brown paper skirt - Bingo-genius.

NeonSubtletyNeonSubtletyalmost 13 years ago

Feels like little pieces if "howl" to me. Beautiful and generous in content, as always. The flow from the end of the third stanza into the fourth feels a little less exact than the rest in my opinion. It feels like you were painting a masterpiece in MSPaint and then changed to the spray an tool.

Look forward to your next piece as well.

DesejoDesejoalmost 13 years ago
My favorite parts of this

are the funny lines. Although generally the subject of Schizophrenics who are on the street and thrown into prison is far from funny. In particular "the cops who called him disodorly", and of course the name Toe Jam.

A minute past midnight :) hey, 12:01 made it into the poem!

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 13 years agoAuthor
Reply to Simply....Me

I must have put in and taken out that last line about a dozen times before deciding to leave it in. It's a paraphrase of a signature line from the well-known play from the theatre of the absurd, "Waiting for Godot," which the poem in some respects imitates.

zack_constantinezack_constantinealmost 13 years ago
.

I'm grateful for the clue about "Waiting for God at" and, like Desejo, liked the funny "disodorly conduct," which makes more sense when I know you're channeling Beckett via Runyon.

The story is well-told. Liked it.

simply__mesimply__mealmost 13 years ago
After I read this again

I DO like the last line because it contrasts the the previous line. It seems that when you put an ending line in a poem as a last thought, it must offer a new consideration, or a twist, not simply some type of moral. Leaving that ending line as is makes you understand this man's complete insanity.

BTW, thanks for the explanation.

The peculiarity of this poem makes it sing. But I like different, go figure. Theater of the Absurd is normalcy in my book :-). If you've had experience with mental illness from friends or (insert many thoughts here) , you can relate.

buttersbuttersalmost 13 years ago
an uncomfortable poem

to read, but in a good way.

it's not one i wish to re-read, because of how it leaves me feeling, because of what it makes me see...

moments of brilliance, sparks of humour (the bottle/dress), only serve to highlight to awful depths in this write.

greenmountaineergreenmountaineeralmost 13 years agoAuthor
Reply to Chipbutty

I don't think I achieved what I set out to do with this poem, which was to show a sympathetic character in spite of mental illness, who was living in an absurd world as represented by a system in which the police brought him to jail instead of a hospital, a jail failed to protect him from predatory criminals, and a judge naively assumed Toejam would follow his instructions when the dark of an underground bus station with like-minded friends was probably the only place he felt at home.

If there was an edit button, I would have replaced the last line with:

Where Vladimir, Lucky, and Paco

wait for Toejam all day,

even if he doesn't bring Rosie

when nearby buses leave by eleven.

lorencinolorencinoalmost 13 years ago
~

Though you say you have not achieved what you set out to, this poem strikes a chord for me precisely because it allows me to sense the human dignity in Toe Jam. In the city where I live, I often encounter the likes of Toe Jam in various people, and every encounter shows me that their dignity is important to them even as they fail regularly to live up to the expectations of a merciless society.

theognistheognisalmost 13 years ago
*****

Excellent.

Five.

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous