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Abandon...

byLipsOfPoison©
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by Anonymous

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by Corpse_rider06/10/11

Enjoyed

I like this piece. An emotional & passionate poem. Although I like the simile at the end: 'Floating, like a petal on water,' I didn't think it sat well with overall mood of the piece conveyed by the choice of words; writhing, grasping, demanding, fire. 'A petal on water' conveys stillness, calm and inertia. Rework that last simile and you'll have a hot poem.

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by LipsOfPoison06/11/11

Thank you :)

Thank you very much :) yeah, I think you're right, it just doesn't fit with the sense of urgency and need. Constructive comments are always appreciated :)

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