Stevie

An editor could help you turn this into a really hot story. Right now it's got so many elements that could be hot, but it feels really flat. The storyline is rushed and the lack of detail made it feel too cartoonish for me.

If my first dom punched and slapped me during a play session, part of me would be turned on, but part of me would be aware of the soreness. It's actually really hard to give a good blowjob with a busted up lip or a bleeding nose. Taking stuff like that into account moves the story to something the reader can identify with.

Thanks

RE: 09/14/11 By Anonymous:
Your correct it was rushed. I don't know why I was compelled to rush this submission. I appreciate your input

Got me so hot!

Please continue writing. Can't get enough of these stories.