All Comments on 'I May Be Dumb . . .'

For being so intelligent she sure is ignorant.

I always enjoy your stories and your writing. This story is no different. The little twists you use, the confluences they in turn create, the subtleties that come into play from that, and finally how everything builds to one big twist... Well, it's what differentiates a decent story from a great story.

...but rather that she's just so bloody self-centered that everyone else in the universe is effectively no more than a spear carrier in her little opera.

Real common problem in a lot of stories in LW.

There was nothing special in this story that it needed two viewpoints!

It was a two pager and instead the author droned on and on and on and on to make 6 pages of tepid writing.

You manage to make the husband look like a moron, she need to go back to the ex-husband. Then comes back and he marries her. Don't think so, then she fucks him over and he keeps helping her....NOT. From her side she is the slut she all ways was. 4*

learning by pain and brutality is a lesson. TK U MLJ LV NV

thing Julia learned from Allen was to be amoral. She is not half as intelligent as she believes she is. Her husband needs quickly to find a woman who has a concience as well as a mind.

Why are American men such wimps though? At least he eventually found his cojones.

I've always but always admired this author's work but felt he was not above using cliched plot mechanics or adjunct characters to drive his stories. His main characters have always been memorable or charming & are so in this jewel of a story.

If there's a flaw here to be found, I've utterly missed it. I love to nitpick but here am at a utter loss ! Not to worry . I've just have to read this daily for the next week & find a surplus comma or spelling gaffe.

This necessitates traveling fast & light so I'm divesting self of of these weighty five stars secreted in back pocket. The hunt begins !

One of the attributes of maturing and marriage is compassion and identifying with the other person. One of the signs of mental illness is NOT to have those feelings. She is still a child, "I want what I want" in a woman's body. Unfortunately she is all too real.

Thanks

but not as dumb as blewdogg/DWmoronic - that pair is for the ages, makes BILLY look like Stephen Hawking

I lived this story forty years ago. I allowed her to destroy my life and am still recovering. Very good writing, very sad. She thought she was smarter than he, but was really dumb. Hope Robert has smartened up in the past few years.

till it turns on you after being warned. FM DONE ANOTHER FANTASTIC JOB AND HAS BRIDGED SEVERAL STORY LINES IN A SHORT TIME. TK U MLJ LV NV

One of the best of the year

liked the story. some may not. too real and not enough revenge. I'm glad you kept it real and not have him take her back.

Excellent story, though, I would have had her run to Allen's wife and tell her about their affair and agree to testify if there's a divorce, to ruin him for dumping her. I'm glad Mark didn't take her back. I hope he finds love.

Excellent story, though, I would have had her run to Allen's wife and tell her about their affair and agree to testify if there's a divorce, to ruin him for dumping her. I'm glad Mark didn't take her back. I hope he finds love.

As enjoyable as this story was, I'm looking forward to the next Miss Sarah story.

what a bitch,conniving,self centered,son of a bitch of a women. I HOPE [part two she goes to hell. she does not deserve the kids. and he should move on and get a loving partner. this women is trouble. please do not put him back with her..only a fool would get back with this piece of shit.

FROM PAGE 1: they Both talked about their recent divorces.

OK....

yet when Julia she says she has to go back to Robert we read this

" Julia had never volunteered any details about their short marriage, and I never particularly wanted to know."

Um isnt that a DIRECT contradiction? how does one talk about their recent Divorces and NOT talk about the recent marriage?

this is just silly...

even worse "Please dont sleep with him..."?? this Guy is being shit upon by his fiancee as she leaves HIM and goes back to her ex and wont tell you why.

What sort of fucking idiot do you have to be to think that is NOT going to happen?

when Julia's response is " I understand " well whats the point? she disnt say " I wont" or " its not like that" or "I could enver do that to you"

and finally when Julia comes back

.."I never asked her if she had slept with him -- I was afraid to. If she had, that would eat away at me, so I decided I just didn't want to know. Besides, she had chosen me..."

What the fuck?

how is dumping YOU while engaged ... going to back to see her ex and NOT telling you WHY ...

choosing you? if this guy a Moron ?

If the kids end up with him i pity them, you made him out to be as dumb as an ox and in this case i could not feel sorry for him. People who go on with there lives AND DO NOTHING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SHIT ON THEM get shit on again.

best of the year?

what a stupid cow.

always after what's on the other side of the fence, no matter who gets hurt.

I hope her next husband is a ultra-violent psychopath.

black and blue would look good on that bitch.

The plot, such as it is, shows how a guy was manipulated for years and finally wised up

Suspense - no, the title states the ending

Are the characters interesting? Not really. The guy is a schmuck, the woman a conniving bitch LW stories CAN be very good when the characters step out of their conventional roles - but these were absolutely formulaic

I guess LW readers don't like changes or challenges to the formula.

"Did You?" by adamgunn which appeared a couple of years ago showed lots of imagination, hot sex (which usually is lacking in LW, because the real goal usually is to show how the guy is betrayed or a cuckold) and a marvelous twist at the end.

The result of some very good writing: a mediocre score (3.68) awarded, no doubt, by the same clowns who thought the current story to be one of the best

The first half of this story is told from MARK's point of view. So while the amorlaist angle that Julia has decided to embrace explains HER behavior & motiviations it does not explain Mark's irrational actions

why is Mark so fucking timid and weak in this story?

Julia decides to nback to work Finds a job then tell mark?

and marks says NOTHING... not a word.

and given how she fucked mark over when they were engaged his reaction to this makes NO sense

why does mark NOT tell Julia friends and familys what she was doing ?

Why does Mark think selfish Bitch but NOT actually say them?

I dont care how Mark reacted ...But the premise is too extreme too disturbed for Mark to simply react by NOT do or say anything. A truly awful story

...mostly because the story was told in 2 POVs. From Julia's reasonings one could easily find out who was "dumb" in this story. A really intelligent person would never overestimate herself...

I did my share to improve the scores.

By the way: where is Miz Sarah?

This can't be finished. Mark needs to grow some, and get on with his life. Normally I am not a "torch the bitch", however; Julie needs a hotfoot. Please don't let Mark wimp out give him his due.

Perhaps too well written. The story itself was worth two pages as nwhaler pointed out, and the protagonist was far too passive and unemotional for me.

Dumb and stupid. Why do the men in most of these stories have to be so stupid. They have college degrees but are as dumb as a bat. I did not like the way Mark was presented as a nimb wit.

she was a whore

Well the dumb whore could always do the world a favor and kill herself

First one of your submissions I didn't like, struck me as pedantic. I'll stay tuned for the next one since this one seemed oddly out of character. Thanks for writing.

I like your work but this one seens unfinished. He told her to kiss off but it didn't seem like there was a real resolution to the conflict. She just moved on to Plan C.

For me Mark's POV is enough and stopped reading Julia's. Mark felt responsibility for his kids and this was the main cause for his indecisity. The children is difficult item in a divorce proceeding and I think Mark wanted a last try to save his marriage for his kid. She is a cold haerted bitch, not a slut. The difference between a cold harted bitch and a slut that you rarly get STD from a cold haerted calculating bitch. I think the Author must have carried on Mark'story when he finds the right woman. I do not understand why do not the Authors write such a epiloge where the exhusbands find a divorced women (not sluts or serial cheaters) with children (the cheating rate 10% higher at the husbands).

I join some commenters a sequel would be interesting at the Romance section. BTW 5 stars for the found balls.

The second she told him she was having an affair is when the scorched earth divorce would begin.

Now, NOT being stupid, I might lead her on a bit so that I can gather evidence and get things set up to nail the bitch, but nail her I would indeed.

Yeah, I know, the KIDS. But, they are VERY small and by the time he had burned her and her lover to the ground they would be fine.

Sorry, but I almost NEVER read the cheating sluts point of view. I just don't care WHY she cheated only that she did.

I'm glad he found his balls, but way too late.

I mean none. Zip, zero, nada. Think about how much better this story would've been if: (1) he'd have not continually kept his head in the sand at her nonstop antics, (2) fought--and I mean really fought--to keep her rather than just rolling over and giving her everything, (3) tried to do something to get to the real truth far sooner, (4) done something once he had the real truth other than telling her to go to hell at the end.

In short, he did none of these things. Sure, they can lead you to cliche land, but they also ratchet up the tension in the story. As it is, the only tension here was wondering just how fucking stupid, gutless, and intentionally clueless hubby could be and how long would it last. As it is, the one line at the end of his version is the sole payoff for all those pages of cringing as we read about his endless denials.

Yes, this does happen in real life. And yes, there are tons of men out there--and women, for that matter--who constantly stay intentionally ignorant rather than upset the apple cart. But while true, none of them would make particularly compelling stories.

Being a family orientated guy and the child of parents who divorced while I was quite young, I understand his need to keep the family together. But he is also an idiot. Who marries a girl who you have already asked to marry you, has agreed and then goes off to fuck her ex for a weekend. If she was so unsure..why did she agree to marry him. It does feel unfinished, unresolved.

I always look forward to your stories. Good story lines and great characters. This was no exception, except, yes, there is a big exception. Including both POVs as first person narrative was a waste. We learned almost nothing new from Julia's POV. She just repeated the same story line. It would have been easier and a better story to introduce the very few new things some other way, maybe in dialog between Mark and Julia or Dr. Willard.

Thanks for the story. Always a treat when there is a new Macomber, Rehnquist or SirThopas (what ever happened to him?) to read.

The wife is a manipulative sociopathic bitch and the husband is a pathetic wimp. Given his complete lack of stones, how could he even be sure the kids are his? I feel cheated because i'll never get back the time i wasted reading this worthless POS. Then to add insult to the injury, the talentless hack who assembled this drivel had to give us the woman's side of the story? I definitely would not waste time reading anything else this hack has written or may write in the future.

You wrote him beautifully as a full blown WACC (Wimp Ass Castrated Cuckold). And her as most women writers inevitably do as simply a life support system for her cunt with no other redeeming qualities what so ever. If sheep could only cook LOL!

After "his" point of view, and you started a new section with her's, I was hoping your story would open up a new thread and take the story into new territory. It didn't, three more pages of no surprises...the only people really dissapointed at the end of this story are all the readers. We expected more and didn't get it. Please learn from these critics, and never do this again!

Mark was like grass and she kept mowing him down. He was stupid right through the story until he finally woke up. But there was no tension, she did things and he suffered. Unending torture doesn't make interesting reading, it's just repulsive, especially when the victim is so compliant. It's like a person beating up a puppy.

Julia, like her mentor is amoral, and narcissistic. Whatever Julia wants at the moment is of primary importance and no one else matters. Such unrelenting behavior could have made her an interesting villain but it is just too easy for her. Mark is such a wuss that there is no challenge for her. Even at the end, as Mark finally pulls his head out of his ass and brushes her off she is not that upset, just surprised. She was more upset with her mentor dumping her.

I'd only fault Mark for not seeing Julie for her extremely selfish ways sooner. I had to laugh. If she thinks Mark is a lousy fuck, wait until she gets back with Robert. BTW Robert is about what you can expect from a UNC grad.

She was a completely amoral bitch and Mark had his head stuck so far up his ass it was pathetic. It was like watching someone beat a kitten. This story needed something like maybe him clueing up earlier and maybe bringing a little misery into her life. As it was, she only seemed surprised that kitten wandered off so she couldn't beat it any longer.

Which whores are the most dangerouse?

1. Sluts with STDs danger and high level humulation.

2. Serial cheaters with non DNA test proof children.

3. Cold hearted calculating bitches sometimes to comit murder with/through the lover against the husband.

I agree with the others. There's simply no conflict at all. Mark just rolls over for Julia time and again. She manipulates, schemes and hurts everybody (including her own two children), and gets away with it.

She not only gets away with it, even the repercussions, slight as they were, she just shrugged off as supremely unimportant. They're ALL pawns to her queen.

The only guy who screwed her over was Allen, and only because he did it to her first.

And at the end, she's STILL scheming to screw over her next victim. No lessons learned. No justice. No payback. Evil wins.

This reads like the diary of an evil person.

Incredibly unsatisfying as a story.

most onesided wimp story ever read.

Integrity has a value all of its own......

She threw her husband away. Why would he be interested in her again?

I did not note any technical goofs in the writing. Good writing in that regard.

The plot did move, but itdid seem to take a bit long to get to the end of he said, she said. While I like the that appproach, I prefer the second retelling be abreviated on the common parts. That is simply nothing more than personal preferrence. a good read on the whole.

PS to anonymous: Your opinion is worth your name.

Throughout the entire story she claims to her self to be smarter than everyone else. I believe that she is perhaps one of the more stupid and unintelegent characters I have read about. She has a tendance to burn her bridges before she crosses them. That is one major flaw to have. Now she has no one to go to. Her ex. hates her and the children may soon follow if she showers them with her condesending ways. Her parents are disapointed in her, and now she is thinking of going to her first husband (who has been dumped by her twice!).

I do not understand some commenters. He found his balls, a little late. Yes, but he FOUND at last, this 5 stars from me. The calculating bitch got the custody and neither he nor a modern "Figaro" friend could earn the children custody from the exwife. There is not any revenge/payback chance for him, because his children will suffer as well. To live better is the best revenge here in a sequel (in the Romance section).

Yes he hurt when his wife left him...but when she tried to come back to him, he got the fuck outta dodge! Frankly, this was a great story and I was glad to see both sides of it.

She was completely amoral and sold her integrity for a temporary affair. She reaped what she sowed and while I hope she changes, I'm glad that she got what she deserved.

As for the fucking muslim wannabe cocksuckers who believe that if a woman cheats, you should put her in the hospital or some fucking reatarded idea...go fuck yourselves you goat loving ass fuckers.

This writer is such a motherfucker, now bend your cock and fuck ur asshole with that. Not as a writer, you will be successfull as a PIMP. LOL

When your fiancee says "I want to go back to my ex-husband," the correct answer has two words. "Good" and "bye."

FM-This was a well done story and scared the shit outta me as I saw this almost exact same tale happen to a close friend of mine.

As in Real life you wrote the husband as a "real nice guy", giving other (his wife) benifit of the doubt, looking out for his kids 1st(keeping a family together)-just like a large percentage of husbands. Then you have the wife being a self centered child-just as a percentage of wives in real life.

Well woven story that put these two characters together-just as it was bad luck for my pal-a "real nice guy" hooked up with his now ex-wife-who thought the sun revolved around her. I recall her rational being "I have a right to be happy"

If there is a PartII you wife character would feel no guilt or remourse and hook a string of "nice guys" for few decades untill she lost her looks-but end up hanging out with a group of similar type ladies. Hubby will be Mr. Dad until kids leave for school-then be stunned at all the actual "nice" females who come out of the woodwork looking for that elusive "nice guy". At least that is how my buddys life is turning out.

Always enjoy your tales-thanks for writing!

Otherwise, the story just didn't appeal to me...the husband, Mark, was portrayed as too pathetic. Basically I lost all respect for him. Further, the wife became too over the top...particularly after having the two kids. So I, the reader, quickly lost respect for both characters and of course, then I lost all enthusiasm for this saga. I raced through the yarn, hoping the end would come quickly. The ending was great, ironic and redeemed my angst and uncomfort in reading all this zwieback. In other words, I get the set up and the set up worked, but the set up was too long and ultimately unpleasant. Nonetheless, I appreciate the effort.

But, at least he told the cheating slut, at the end, to pack it! She certainly deserves a more fitting ending that suits her life style.

This stories ending is to abrupt. You have Mark a weak almost pathetic man. You have Julie a conniving amoral bitch. Mark needs to grow a pair, and per a previous comment, Julie needs a hotfoot. I really like your stories; yet this one seemed hurried. Please consider another chapter so Mark and his kids will find happiness with a true loving wife, and Julie gets what she deserves. Maybe from Miz Sara ;)

When she pushed going back to check on first husband, I would have walked her to the gate, hugged her and sadly told her...'DON'T Come Back'.

He is nice to a fault and the best of women find that annoying but at least he was honest and put the children first!

She needs to consider working for a very High Class Escort service for 15-20 years and then settle with the first millionaire who wanted her to be his 'Hot Wife'...maybe even with an open marriage. She does not belong in the society of upper class, honest working family people!

Chapter 2? Why bother - unless you want to move him along with a great woman and fiinish with an Epilogue about his Ex?

have only seen women of her caliber in movies or magazines: without an imagination or life experience it is impossible for them to comprehend the actions of the characters. Those of us with life experience see how close you came to nailing it with this story.

I'm reminded of a quote by Albert Brooks in "Defending Your Life" when he lamented marrying a woman much too pretty for him. Curious as to why you didn't tell her side first thereby putting his final rejection of her in his monologue? Might have been more powerful.

Interesting read nonetheless, you are one of the few talented authors on this site; looking forward to your next submission.

Glass half full -- well-written story. Glass half empty -- disappointing plot. Agree with others -- going back for a weekend with Robert the 'ex' was a deal breaker. Mark should have canceled the engagement then and there. Mark felt she was out of his league right from the start. He did all the bending; she did none. The world revolved around her because she was so pretty. An unequal relationship which was doomed from the start. And the seduction was so obvious, an idiot would have sensed a trap. Mark always acted weak and indecisive, usually the role played by a victimized wife. Is the author really down on men?

What a superb character depiction of Julia. Perfect.

but that is one selfish, conniving cunt and I have to say that she got what she deserved. Which is, I am positive, what the writer was hoping we'd feel. Please, do not write another chapter with these characters. One is quite enough.

.

next patr coming

Always portraying the love sick male as a wimp! Although you deigned to grow him some nuts by the end of this way too long story, it still don't fly. No man would marry a fiance (slut) who wanted to spend a weekend with her ex prior to marriage. Then he actually sticks his dick into her tainted hole, no way. Ah well, keep trying.

Did I just read Rehnquist critiquing this story for' low flow 'story action due to narrator being a milquetoast in order to preserve marriage ??? HELLO KETTLE , THIS IS THE POT CALLING. YOU'RE BLACK !

In ' The Bar & Grill' the protagonist Tim was not raising a peep to his wife who had him on starvation rations sexually , was using him as day care for her two borderline disrespectful kids ( he wasn't the father ). The only member of household giving Tim unconditional love was Earnie the pug.

In addition ,he was doing bulk of housework to boot. At least Mark in this story was trying to keep together a family with kids that he was the actual father to.

So many people are swift to throw the 'wimp' label on Mark . There is some justification for that but he was a bona fide nice guy who linked up with a user . He didn't want to tangle with court system biased in favor of mothers .

Fathers can get custody but it's a uphill slog . She , by and large , put on her best face in the courting and first 18 months of marriage . He learned slowly but he did learn .

He was naive , paid the price that's how it goes when you are brought up to give people benefit of the doubt & are slow to put self first . It shook out at the end in a credible way.

Get over it . Recognize! This is a great story . Deal with it .

Keep writing!!! I've enjoyed all of your stories including this one. This story is a more realistic LW story than any of the torch the bitch stories I have read here. Not everyone has a neighbor or a brother-in-law that is a private investigator to record the nasty goings on or special forces buddies he just happened to serve with to help him extract his revenge. Most of your critics here are probably more like Mark than they would care to admit. I have 2 bronze stars and a purple heart from OIF so I don't think you could easily call me a wimp and I will readily admit that my marriage(and divorce) was pretty close to what happened to Mark. I even really have some ranger buddies, but I left the earth unscathed. My revenge came as my kids grew up and saw for themselves what their mother was like. They didn't need me to point out a thing, and to this day they tell me they respect me more for NOT slamming their mother even tho it would have been the easy thing to do.

My only suggestion would be in future stories like this maybe if you throw in a high speed car chase or last minute cut the wire on a bomb scene to appeal to the neanderthal crowd.

I look forward to reading more of your stories. I miss seeing miss Sara.

Mike

I don't have the words to express my disappointment here...but I'll try.

Male character: dull, boring, pathetic...I feel for the sons who have him as an example of being a man. Most of the women I know have bigger balls than him. Did he not have a single male friend, was there no father or mentor to talk things through with? Based on his behaviour up until the end, I'm not buying that he will hold to "I may be dumb..." my money is on him calling her up and taking her back. He'll rationalize it by saying "It's for the kids."

Female character: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" - seriously? Sure she's 100% pure bitch, but she must of been an Oscar worthy actress if "our hero" never saw a glimpse of her true character.

His and hers story telling device: I thought you were a better writer than that.

Quality of writing: Excellent

Okay - one out of four isn't bad.

You described the feelings and emotions of the male in this story so very well.

I was able to identify with the way he felt and why he acted as he did, I've walked his tight rope, it's a very difficult path to tread, your words captured it perfectly.

Ignore the lack of intellect of those who have posted negative comments. You got the males view of this particular situation perfect. I can't comment from the females side, because I'm male.

reminds me of that line from the Wizard of Oz "If I only had a brain" - poster boy for no life experience I guess. Dating your hand instead of a woman will do that.

Julia going to see ex-bf was the necessary plot element: women 'test' men like that all the time and it set the stage for who had power in the marriage. Rest of the story wouldn't make sense without it. Stick to jerking off and leave plot to writers mr ped0.

The time has finally come for me to pack my bags and walk away... Marshall Tucker.

I abhore violence against women, but I would have loved to see mark beat the everloving dogshit out of this worthless cunt! She deserves to be gang raped, hog tied, and beaten beyond all recognition and left for dead in a sewage pond.

The character "Julia" was the most conniving bitch I have ever read about. Well done Author!!

A fast moving and well written story that was nicely edited to make a very smooth read.

Although reading about how the "Bitch Julia" treated her poor husband, it was a very interesting read.

Thanks for the very good story.

I loved it! I had two wives who both worked for the division of youth and family services.

For ten years of pillow talk, pro bono briefing scessions and social functions this is the shit I listened to!

Every decietful dummy male or female thinks that the partner that loves them is stupid because they themselves feel worthless.

You sir painted a very accurate picture. Well done!

Hope you write for a living, you should! I admire your skills...Marcie4you@aol.com

She believed she was smarter than all the men in her life (except Allen) and with one step back she might have noticed that all-in-all she had not created a life she was happy in. She was not happy as a Mom, not happy in any relationship she entered, not happy with her family... what good would being "so smarty" be if it didn't help a person create a happy life?

Hubby got duped... and learned from it. Hopefully, so did Robert.

I hated how the principle male character is portrayed in this story. I cannot understand how anyone other that hopeless Just Plain Bob can write such tripe.

It is reflective of the new castrated male… a product of years of conditioning by sisterhood advocates Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and Helen Gurley Brown,

male gendercide advocates such as Valerie Jean Solanis and lipstick feminists like Katie Roiphe. It is time we end the constant abuse of men in our western society. It's time to UNDUMB male characters and give them a pair !

LordSlamdawgg says it's the best story ever. Harry says...we it's not important but he is at the other end.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I like your stories and you're a good writer.

There are two things I didn't care for with this story.

I didn't like that to develop Juia's character you had to create a section called Julia's Story. I have never like that approach. I don't think it flows well for a story.

The second problems is that I was not able to identify with Mark. He was unexciting and not overly bright. I really found that I didn't care if he got screwed over.

Still, it was worth reading.

But in the context of your other stories, I rank it at the bottom of those.

have never seen quality pussy, men who have can relate to the poor slob in this story. Dialogue, pace, character development, plot, ending, all in all a quality bit of writing.

He 'may be dumb' because it took him so long to wise up to her but sometimes seeing beyond the 'centerfold looks' takes a while. Nice to see this author branch out from Miz Sara (another good series) and expand his repertoire; nice work.

Robert is not as stupid as she thinks, either.

I've known couples who this could be written about.

One spouse, male or female, who is completely selfish and totally lacking in character, and the other a trusting fool with zero common sense and no concept of reality.

A well written story.

wife. Hubby was cast as a timid, passive-aggressive man who never became curious about life about him, even when things weren't going well. Lack of common sense makes a dull man. The "I'm not stupid" was interesting but didn't redeem the story.

he is proof that evolution can go in reverse

Like life, your characters were flawed. The wife especially so. The story wasn't so much about the wife other than to set the stage for how the husband grew and developed as he worked through both his marriage and his divorce. To watch as he finally grew a pair was intriguing.

While his wife manipulated him into having to accept irreconcilable differences he should have gone after the boss for whatever is now legal for "alienation of affection" and to alert the boss' wife to what is going on as well. It would have been interesting to see how an "amoral" person deals with moral consequences.

Overall a good story.

your troubles are not in the old kit bag. TK U MLJ LV NV

I know she's just a fictional character but I feel that any "real" woman (or man) behaving in this completely amoral fashion has nothing to contribute to society and should choke and die. I just hate cheaters and liars.

You tell the reader how intelligent this woman is, then have her do just about everything she does in a really stupid manner. You tell us Mark in intelligent, but he lets her get away with everything without any checks ... ever! He knows she's cheating, and builds no proof, and never discusses her behavior with her parents, the boys grandparents, yes? His attorney never makes any suggestions about the divorce?

She loves Allen even after he dumps her, without telling his wife? Ha!

She sounds more like a very stupid bitch.

Please, try harder to be more realistic next time.

Or even bright forget having any common sense or ability to relate to anyone else-

She was not all that different than Allen just more emotional he knew how to abuse without remorse or feeling - she based all of her actions on her desires and wants for herself never thinking anyone else could possibly want anything but what she wanted -

Poor old Mark was a perfect victim here he had way too much confidence in the decency of others -

Nice work - well written too -

Just mindless prattle about nothing. Where is the story? The whole thing should fit on one page with space left. Uncomfortable to read. Very low writing skills. "1" !

Every step of the way he refused to stop and think of what she had done and what her next step might be. If he was concerned with the welfare of his children and his own wellbeing why the hell wouldn't he at least consider talking to a lawyer? With advise a lot of what she did could have been stopped. With legal advise perhaps he would have known not to have sex with her. Maybe ahe could have just gone ahead and filed for infidelity. How could she prove that they had sex? Mark speaks of his concern for his children but thinks it is OK for them to be raised by his psychopathic ex-wife. What is she going to teach them or inflict on them? What kind of moron would not know that the marriage councilor was advising improperly? Mark felt that there was something odd about the Doc, but didn't even make basic enquiries online or with the licensing boards.

But your are falling into the JPB trap a being lazy and not finishing a story. You can call it flash or some other nonesense but if you develop a character or more, you really need to do the closing. If you want fans they will demand it.

I love most of what you have written, this one left me flat...and I still gave it a 4

Mac

But very disappointing ending. When you switched to her point of view I figured you would reveal more of the aftermath of hers and Mark's relationship as they went forward from where you stopped from Mark's point of view. Maybe, even some remorse and reflection, vowing to be a good mother while trying to learn more about herself and why she behaved the way she did as they continued to raise their sons. But all we got was, "I wonder how Robert is doing?" I'm sorry but it just seemed out of character for her except when she was being influenced by Allen. And what about Allen!? He must be an Untouchable. What a cop out

Well written as the others but a bit of an unlikable story. Who to like? To real to life maybe?

Ron Wood - Old Marine Vet

It seems that there should have at least been an "alienation of affection" lawsuit planted on the wife and boss. I understand that the wife is seriously damaged goods, and that he should never take her back, but I wanted more revenge than just a single sentence and walking away.

6 pages of bullshit..... First off she dumped him to go back to her ex even though they were engaged & let's not forget the fact that she fuck'd her ex the whole time she was there! What type of a wimp would take this scheming, conniving, manipulative bitch back? Obviously him being sad & scared about their future didn't do much to stop her... Again why would a REAL man want this slut back? Why would a REAL man want to marry her & have kids with her?! Even after not having sex with his wife for a few months & her constant belittling should've been a sign as to what type of person she really was... She wanted a divorce he actually wanted to stay with her for their kids, that's no reason to stay in a unhappy, disfunctional, unloving relationship... Instead of moving on & getting on with his life he sulked like the little bitch that he was... He should've taken some sort of revenge on her but the best revenge is living a good life... The only thing I liked ( barely ) was when she tried to crawl back to him, not because she loved him or missed them being a family but because her bank account was running low on funds.. I absolutely hated this story would he have eaten her boss's cum out of her worn out pussy just to save his "delusional" marriage ? Their relationship wasn't based on love she wanted to marry because she thought he was smart but not smarter than her.. I really didn't care for this story... I have more questions..... How does he know those kids are his?

DNA test almost 100% sure..........

I found it very frustrating to wade through all the indeciviseness of Mark (which dominated the story. He must have been incredibily naive to allow all that happened to him and his children and not take some action if not revenge then retribution. How could it possibly be that he never knew their were people like his ex-wife and Peter that had no semblenece of a moral compass ? As their true characters were revealed starting with the pathetic trip back to Rob, why did he contiually live in a world of denial and mind fog ? Why did he not see a detective agency the morning after she said she had an affair ? Why did he constantly cave in to her selfishess demands throughout their relationship ? His action of "frankly dear, I don't give a damn" just prior to his last visit with her was the only action he took of any significance.

Julia is a mindless slut, and Spencer gets off scot free. What a piece of shit of a story..

and once opened its hard to close. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't have much to say about the story other than the plot progression and development along with the characters and their lack of depth made for a huge pile of dung trying to pass itself off as A good story.

Sorry for the bad review but you would have done better if you had chosen to file this piece in the trash bin.

We read fiction to lift us up, because real life can be suck a bloody drag!

If I want misery, or depression, or reality, all I have to do is look at real life....my life, my friends...my enemies.....

When I read the last line of this story, my first reaction was "Oh, that fucking sucked!!!!!!"

But my next thought was, "but it's all too true."

Here is a woman who is a selfish, self-centered bitch. It's just what she is. She won't grow up, she won't have any life changing realization, she will just continue to find people, use people, and drop people, in order to satisfy her own selfish desires and needs.

She is just what she is. And her reaction at the end, is just exactly what it should have been. It might have sucked, but it was far too true. I've known too many people like that.....and, at times....I've been one of them.

But reality is not why we read fiction.......

......which is why the story sucked.

I'll still give it a five though. "well written"