All Comments  for

A Family Together

byBaloden©
All
Comments (15)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous09/10/04

Good story

Well its an alright story but it didnt really make me feel that i was there watching it

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous12/18/05

were you a director?

the story didn't read like a story, instead like directions for actors in a play. Need to flesh it out much more, make characters and setting real. be more descriptive

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous01/10/06

Terrible writing

Really awful writing. Early High School standard. (If you are a 13yo boy, I apologize - you've written to your own age group)
Perhaps enrol yourself for some writing clases?

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/06/06

Poor

Repetition, grammar, plot, everything about this story is low grade.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous11/14/07

piss poor

This had to be the worst written story i've read on this site .

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/21/09

Stop writing.

Repetitive, bad spelling, bad grammar. You made sex boring.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous09/13/09

6 Year Old

A 13 year old would be held back if he spelt like that! More like a six year old. A six year old could spell "Threw"

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous10/04/10

grade school english essay

reads like a grade school english essay, good marks for spelling and grammar but no flow whatsover

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous11/06/10

Pathetic

The idea of what you tried to write was great, but you wrote it like an outline and not to mention the meanwhile the guy was gone sexy talk was very corny...

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous03/05/11

Good idea but..

its written like an 8th grade essay

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous01/02/12

idiot

Yo it sucked. U repeat way too much and ur not in depth if I wanted to read the same words over and over then i would grab a dictionary

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/28/12

Uhhhh

I think the mom and daughter were too eager to have sex with the guy

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous10/03/12

I kind of liked it!

Yes, it is very repetitive and has grammar and spelling errors, but who comes here to proofread? The repetition appeals to us in the same way as a folk tale like The Three Bears. It reminds me of one of my own adolescent masturbation fantasies where I had a cast of characters and a list of things I wanted to do to them or have them do to me, and would visualize myself repeating each item with each character.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/23/13

hmmm

I dont think this had enough build up or suspense. This story had a good base with a lot of opportunity for foreplay, which I'm sure I am not the only person who feels the foreplay can be just as exciting as the sex

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous02/05/14

Rushed

Unfortunately I could not get into your story while reading it I didn't feel any type of emotion or creativeness in it. It felt forced and repetitive with very little thought to build up as well as the lack of use of terms and or vocabulary to spark the imagination, which helps the story to come alive.While I did enjoy certain aspects of the story such as the spanking,Rimming, and the rest of the anal play I noticed you used the same paragraph with the exception of changing a few words here and there to suit who you were referring to, which as I stated earlier lacks imagination which in-turn will ensure that you will receive fewer readers as well as a lower score regardless of the topic of your story. My advise to you is after writing your story read it with a readers view instead of an authors view some times reading some thing with a different view or prospective will help you see the faults in your writing which inturn will help you become a better author

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to A Family Together  or
More submissions by Baloden.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel